#raven-wolf

okay so

i need to explain this, mostly for my own benefit, because i need it in real words, on "paper" (e-paper, as it were) so that i can read it over and tweak it and find out what i believe and what i don't believe because as loki said, "this shit bout to get cray".

thursday i had a bit of an episode. i was feeling very light-headed and strange. at first i thought it was purely physical, but then i started thinking it had something to do with the crazy fucking thing that farrow and i have been seeing around recently.

i called to lugh for help but received the spiritual version of "your call cannot be completed as dialed" which is some BULLSHIT, but loki  had my back, as always.

that's where shit got weird.

apparently i "channeled" loki. which until now i always secretly thought was bullshit. because you can't just like, channel a god. that doesn't happen.

but 3 pages of text message history on farrow's phone tells me otherwise.

apparently what went down is, loki took up some real estate in my body for a few minutes (like 20), got me onto the train successfully (from the local train to the suburbs train), and then sent me back.

i know, i know. sounds like bullshit. but probably isn't.

because i blacked out.

needless to say i was like AHAHA UMMM LOKI? CAN WE HAVE WORDS?

so loki and i hooked up in the astral plane, in what looked suspiciously like an olive garden, and had some tea. upon which he gave me a deal:

"i'm giving you an ultimatum."

"oh great, those are in season."

"listen, willow. you give me your life, i give you helygen."

"helygen. my past life."

"yes. your past life of asgard. phenomenal cosmic power! iiiitty bitty living space."

i took the deal. here are the terms:

loki gets to veto any huge decision i make if he thinks it's not for the best.

i have to ask him before doing anything life-threatening. 

he can continue to do that whole, weird, loki bypasses willow's mouth-to-brain filter in order to have willow blurt out messages for farrow... thing.

willow has to seek out the morrigan and get her blessing for the whole, you know, moving forward on my path thing.

loki gets a 10 percent cut of whatever i'm drinking, if it's alcoholic.

similarly, i am banned from light beer.

so there's that.

i don't feel much different. helygen didn't replace me, we fused. it's like waking up from a coma to find out you don't like ketchup anymore; some things get on my nerves a lot now which i didn't mind before. i keep getting called to this cemetery in my area that farrow says is Bad News. i'm a lot better at reading people, i.e., reading guys farrow is interested in.

i've never been hugely pre-cog, but i'm getting a lot better at it now. and my reiki has strengthened a millionfold. i finally feel like i'm a main character in this saga farrow and i have entered into.