thank u everyone whoās sharing and hearing me out ;w; this took literally 4 months for me to finally finish writing like. if anyone thinks at all that i did this for fun. please. it was extremely mentally taxing and stressful to even think about putting this together at all and i put it off for so long because of how draining it was of my spoons and then iād get distracted with my adhd and just not being fit enough to continue with retraumatizing myself by going through all of the screenshots.
looking through everything that happened with clear, lucid, unclouded eyes was a jarring experience and i just. sat there like. how the fuck did i ever put up with any of this, especially for as longĀ as i did.
i remember sitting there during and after each fight with raphael just sitting and crying my eyes out so hard that i had a migraine and and my throat was dry from literally how dehydrated iād get from how long i spent crying. not just 2-3 hours straight. sometimes i would be crying for like, 6-7 hours STRAIGHT at a time because thatās how long raphael would spend yelling at me and expected me to sit there for without pause or break. i couldnāt sleep. i didnāt have any appetite to eat or drink during a lot of our arguments or the days that followed. not that i was allowed to get up and leave and i know that sounds stupid but raphael would get mad at me if i took too long to respond while they were busy chewing me out.
forza tried to victim blame me and say that i wasnāt having new revelations all of a sudden.Ā while i was aware for a long time that this wasnāt healthy and that it upset me, i was in severe denialĀ that it was abuse. any victim of abuse in a relationship will tell you firsthand just how difficult it is to come to terms and say, even in the privacy of YOUR OWN HEAD where no one care hear you, that the person you love is hurting you and abusing you. looking back at all of these screenshots, it hurts. i cannot believe. that i sat through that. and in so many of them i can see how tired and numb and exhausted and hurt i am and raphael just kept going without remorse. i honestly think that raphael was tormenting me for fun during a lot of these arguments. thereās no way anyone just blatantly ignores someone the way raphael did unless itās for fun.Ā
anyways sorry to keep making posts. iāll try not to post anything unless people have things they want to get off their chest about raphael and co as well. thank you for hearing me out. iām sorry to keep dragging this out for so long














