#rantsfordays

Does life ever stop kicking me in my non-existent balls? No. Apparently not.

Well personal diary, here we go. How on earth are you suppose to let go of something that was never really yours? What are you suppose to do when all you thought was there might have never been there all along? What happens then? It starts with a simple hello then it becomes a friendship, one of my favorite, but it’s never exactly what you thought it could be. It’s fun and exciting at first, then it gets into the complicated stage. The are we more than just this stage. Or in my words, the WORST stage. It seems to be never ending and I think that’s the worst part. The fact that you never know when or if you’ll ever get out of this horrible grey area that has taken over your mind, heart and life. You question everything. Every choice you make, every plan you make and every emotion that you feel, you over think it and it drives you crazy but you can’t stop. At this point you are in too deep to pull yourself out without ripping your heart out along the way. So I guess that leads me to my next question....Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we set ourselves up for heart break when we know the inevitable future that awaits us? Maybe we like the danger of it all. Or maybe we chose these situations because we have this dying urge to be the one percent of the world that it actually works out for. We always seem to want to beat the odds and prove that we are the special ones that fairy tails happen to. Well let me be the one to break it to you first. FAIRY TAILS DON’T EXIST. I’m sorry but they don’t. Boys don’t rescue you from dragons and girls don’t leave their shoes lying around in hopes that a pretty boy will ride his horse around town to find the girl that fits the shoe perfectly. That just doesn’t happen. People change, friendships end, high school sweet hearts turn bitter and life goes on. And as depressing as that is it’s just how it is. One day you’re in love and the next he’s moving and falls for someone else. One day your best friend loves you and is talking about getting tattoos and having all of these adventures with you then the next day she’s ignoring you and tells you that you’re just too different to fit in each others lives anymore. PEOPLE CHANGE. What was once a happy couple raising their three children then turns into a pair of enemies fight over who gets what. And sometimes you don’t get the guy you hoped you would. Or maybe you do. But you don’t know because you’re terrified to even ask. So then what’s the next step when you’re just too damn tired to make a next move? What do you do then? Move on or try harder? Well I guess that just depends on how important it is to you. Is it something that you can lose or is it something you simply can’t live without? Though I know I don’t want to lose it, I know that eventually I will. Eventually everything ceases to exist and we all are left in the end alone with nothing but our own thoughts and opinions on ourselves and how things should have worked out instead of how they actually did. And in all honesty....That thought is enough to kill you.

So many things I wanted to do last night. And I couldn’t. Life you cruel bastard.

i mean, come on. no... don't treat me like that.  seriously.  and yes, if you call me "dude"  or don't hold the door open for me or don't give me your seat when I'm clearly looking for one then yes, i will act like a witch.

But it's really just so much bullshit. And I'm starting to get fed up with it. If I like a guy, I'm going for it. No more being upset if he doesn't text me. Or being bummed out if he doesn't ask to hang out. Hell, I'll text his cute ass and invite his cute ass over. If he's not interested well at least he'll get a good chance of changing his mind because I will give him a good chance at actually getting to know me. And who knows, maybe my go-getter personality will really make him like me. Or not. But at least I had enough confidence to try, and at the end of the day that's what should really be important. Wether or not you can toughen the fuck up and go for what you want.