#rantdomoments

You are still a douche. A big one at that.

Sorry for judging but damn, I just can't handle the way you are. I thought I was over you being a huge douche. I thought not seeing you for quite a while helped me forget. But being reunited with the douche you reminded me of reality. A reality I tried to erase. THE reality that you will forever be that guy.

I am not in the position to rant about you. Well I am just a friend -well that's what you consider me. I know friends are supposed to say everything to the other. But I don't feel that way towards you because you being a douche also keeps some things from me. No worries. I don't wanna be part of your doucheness -if that could pass as a word but yeah, YOUR DOUCHENESS.

I was watching Precious when I realized my mind was focused on something else rather than the movie. Then it hit me.

At 10:30 in the evening I got up my bed and moved my desk out of the room and moved the other desk in. A little bit of rearranging and boom.

Even little changes in life may give you fulfillment.

As for me, I've been unemployed for six months. At times I feel bored and tired of just sitting around. But most of those times I was able to do stuff I knew I could not do when I am at work. Like that of cooking with my dad, rearranging and redecorating my room, and I even do errands for people.

Surprisingly, I still have money even though I have no monthly salary like the rest of the employed people. Well, I guess I can say that I am the luckiest unemployed 21 year old of 2012 hahahah.

Good Night.

I want someone to lend me their eyes and change the way I see the world now. I want someone to show me there is nothing to be afraid of.

I don't wanna be asleep for long. I don't wanna be blind.

Coz no one looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.

I wanna wake up to a morning with a thought that something wonderful is about to happen.

tattoo and three consecutive piercings would make a difference. I thought it would wake me up.

It did not.

All I see is my past. The me who used to be. As if I don't wanna move forward. What I had the past twenty-one years, I was in cloud nine. Yes, I didn't have the wealth, the love life everyone has now, and the perfections others have but it was so nice. Until now, I kept holding on to those happiness and I have not accepted the fact that all has ended.

I may have made some mistakes along the way, but it was part of the imperfection I have accepted in my past. Making those mistakes the right things now.

"Yabs." And this would be the first time I'd go sort of public about us. You have been bugging me about that moment when we no longer hide from everybody. I told you we'd go slow. Coz I don't want it to be like the previous.

I could remember the first time I met you. Well, you told me you found me. And thank God I saw you.

It was a vague night until you came in. Your smile brought me to heaven. But I tried hiding my excitement which lead you to thinking I wasn't into you. lol but damn Yabs, then and there I felt you.

Remember when you asked me out? You went to my house and there was awkward silence. Then you coughed and said, "date?" and I jokingly said the time and date of that day. lol

Our first fight was about not going public on our relationship. It did bother me. I, myself was shocked, knowing me, I share almost everything to everyone. But this, you and I, I wasn't ready. I am just so scared. Coz I know I found the right one and I don't want being in public ruin the fun.

And thank you for understanding. Thank you.

In those months that we've been hiding, we got to know the real us without the help of any of our friends. No external factors that could affect what we know good or bad about us.

Sometimes you get surprised by questions I throw at you. Like, "Where have you been?" and "What have you've been doing?" when clearly we were like together that whole day.

Truth is, those questions were for those times when I still wasn't yours and you're still not mine.

I have been waiting for this moment.

So scared this might not happen.

And still is not happening.