the casualness with which people will ask about ur love life / relationships and then proceed to make every assumption under the sun needs to be fkn studied bc on the one hand i can tell that they mean well but lord almighty it's like they're blindly swinging a bat at this house of cards i've JUST rebuilt (there was too much wind)
like NO i don't have anyone, YES i've been single forever, NO i am not single by choice, YES i go out and meet new people often, YES the fact that you find my perpertual singleness "weird" because you think i'm cool/ a good person is a nice thought on the surface but it's really just NOT HELPING the fuckass feeling that there is something deeply wrong with me and that i'm inherently unlovable and broken, which i know is not true but it's really hard to not believe it when historically that's all i've known AND the fact that you're moving like a bull in a china shop with the blind optimism of someone in a secure relationship plus the hand-eye coordination of a toddler and have the audacity to tell me i "need to love myself first and that it's going to happen when i'm not looking", i'm actually going to bREAK SOMETHING
n then they waltz out of this situation like they didn't twist the knife in a wound that has barely ever time to scab over every time and you're sitting there trying to keep your cool like someone didn't just stab you in the chest n left you to pick up the pieces once again
