feel selfish. To come to think of it, i’ll only do things I feel like i’m entitled too. I feel sorry for the people that try to bring themselves closer to be but all i do is push them away, merely because they’re a clingy nuisance. To those who attach themselves to me, please don’t. I’m like a bipolar mess; and i say ‘like’ because i’m not bipolar (well to what i think) and have little to no experience with bipolar diagnosed people. I have moments where i want to care and help the people closest to me and moments where I just want to push everyone away because i fear i’m not good enough for them (also vise versa) and moments where I contemplate how things could be towards the people and things I’ve chosen to kick out of my inner circle of importance. urgh i don’t even know how to express the feelings i’m feeling.
and to the people who question my connection to my dramas. HHAHAHAHAHAHAH fuck you. Seriously. Who are you to say anything? These dramas are like another connection of me, another part of my brain and body that’s not actually me. I feel as if they’re my escape from reality, an escape from the worrisome and complexity of me. Though complex as they are, they’re set with characters, motifs and personas that show the ideal in everything (or the director ahha) But, it gives me a break, a break that allows me to put myself into shoes that i don’t need to direct where to go. The future of those characters lies in the hands of the directer, a higher being. Where, in reality, that higher being controlling myself is still... myself.
