#random useless rant

Why am I so weak? Why do I always let this get to me? Why is my brain so damn dumb? I hate how I always feel like I'm second place to everyone. I wish there was a way for me to change these kind of thoughts and just not give a fuck. I feel like I put in so much effort, and get nothing in return. Not that I do the things I do to get something back, I just wish that someone would care enough to show me that I do mean something. But it didn't happen in the past, so why should it happen now? Forever alone? I think so. If you're not going to care then I prefer for you not to lie to me and tell me you do.

I just got an email saying I'd been nominated for a Student Leadership Award or something for my school's Leadership Recognition Ceremony and I stared angrily at the message for about a minute before exclaiming, "What the fuck is this shit?! I can't have been nominated. This is bullshit."

Why I'm so indignant about this I really have no idea. But seriously, I don't do "Leadership" stuff. I am Ms. Does Not Want To Lead. Maybe this is from when I was President of that liaison for the semester while the real Presidents were away?? If it's because of that it's a pretty ironic nomination seeing as how I haven't done Anything for that liaison since the actual Presidents came back and have instead been putting my energies into the other one I joined.