#random thought dump

I'm going crazy I love him sm😔

anyone is free to scream at me if they like btw, the more ideas i have the more likely it is that i'll actually write it (let's just ignore the 2837 wips i have in my dungeon vault tyvm)

anyways! kim who sends chay lingerie a size too small and chay who complains about it on stream )): saying that it's tight and it stretches painfully over his little cocklet, whining about it to his fans.

he's pretty vocal. talkative and otherwise 😏

like the man is a pro hero, built like a castle and does his cardio, and YET! when you get him riled up ((not hard to do cause he's so gone for you)) he's panting and breathing all heavy like he's run a marathon or somethin

I cannot for the life of me imagine him delivering dirty talk ((and yet ive read some awesome fics where it happens and im totes on board in those moments buuut)) without it being followed by giggling or him second guessing what he said and being all like, "damn that sounded way more manly in my head"

gosh I wanna devour him for being so damn sweet and lovely! 😩

but when YOU use dirty talk on him? man becomes putty in your hands. as if he isn't putty in your hands always, but anywho

I just know that sometimes the physical stuff gets derailed by you both ending up talking about random things. like casual things even, learning more about one another and such--and then easing right back into makeouts and whatever else was happening before

his presence is always so chill and comforting and being intimate with him is no exception

I’ve been thinking about Illumi a lot (nothing new), and I’m starting to realize that he may not be as aloof to his family’s abuse as ppl make him out to be…

This isn’t to say that he’s not an abuse victim (bc we all know that he is), but my impression of his character has kind of changed as of recent. And I think Illumi is somewhat aware of his family’s bs. He just doesn’t mind it, bc he loves his family and he WANTS to help them, so he probably justifies what he experiences as a necessary means to his own personal growth and as something to be expected from the Zoldyck dynamic——his family is toxic, he knows and accepts it, bc it’s the only type of love he’s ever been shown.

I used to think that he had the mentality of someone in an abusive relationship. As in, he knows that it’s wrong, but he can’t bring himself to change it, bc a) that’s all he truly knows and b) accepting that he’s being mistreated would mean that his family doesn’t truly love him in the way that he wants, and for someone like Illumi, who’d gladly sacrifice his life for his family, that would be too hard of a pill to swallow.

Idk. I can’t fully bring myself to believe the whole “he’s an oblivious, mindless puppet” description, (which happens to be the fandom favorite), when we’ve been shown that he has his own ambitions and goals. I don’t think he’s that unaware. He just doesn’t feel the need to stand up to his parents, bc everything that goes on in their household is “normal” to him (and he’s not wrong for thinking that, bc it’s true. Look at all the other kids for ex).

I didn’t expect for this to get lengthy, but I really wanted to write out my thoughts (even if they’re a jumbled mess). Illumi is such an interesting chara. and I’m kind of tired of seeing poor faith analyses made about him 😭

nag post siya ng pics, eh yung place kung san sila kinasal nasa usapan namin ni ano ng wedding venue.

nag kwntuhan kami about kasal eh tas nagulat pa ako na gsto niya don?? or isa yun sa places na kino consider nya?? eh yung vibe kapag don ung kasal, parang hindi siya.

sige imagine nalang, fairytale vibe ung kasal ng cousin ko, like Disney princess ganyan. alam ko na thing nya din yon, mahilig siya makinig ng Disney songs eh pero yung sa own wedding nya kung sakali, hmm 🤔

maganda din talaga yung place pero kung ako, mas gusto ko na chill lang yung mood.

I have one more request to do, then after that, it’s back to business as usual! (Headcanons are always accepted because they are easier to do)

And by business as usual, you know what that means. 

IT’S TIME FOR ME TO UPDATE WHAT MAKES ME HUMAN 😭

The long awaited story I haven’t touched for a long ass time. To those who are still reading it, I’ll give you all my love. Because things are gonna take a depressing turn 🥴 but of course, I’m not evil enough to leave it with a bad ending... Or will I 😳

Allow me to provide some sad content for the people.