#random ruminations

They put it in like it’s a dramatic proof of power acknowledged by the universe or something Gojo regularly quips in his mental narrative when it’s literally just him quoting Gautama Buddha on one occasion.

It’s a brief moment of casual blasphemy from a character established to be arrogant as fuck during a power-trip.

But I've always felt that way? I RARELY use people's names. Rarely. It effects both talking to people and talking about them, but usually only the former. And its more pronounced with people I care deeply about - the more deeply, the less likely I am to use it. As an example, I don't remember the last time I said my partner's name to them and I think the total instances could probably be counted on one hand in the entirety of our ten year relationship.

It's not always a good indicator of affection though, because sometimes I'll push past that deliberately as a mark of emotion. But that's like.... terrifying lmao

There's just something so bizarrely intimate about names??

So love and affection is an aspect of The Corruption. And Nurgle, the Warhammer Chaos God of Disease and Decay and All Things Eww, is also tightly associated with love. I wonder if this commonality is due to the long-buried child perception of "Love is Icky" subconsciously manifesting into a horror author's brainstorming board or if it's just a coincidence.

Somehow I can’t help but dread this. The tick-tocking of time, seconds into minutes into hours into days into weeks into months into… an end. The end of my teen years. How terrifying.

In my native tongue, twenty-somethings are called “two-headed.” It gave child-me a funny image, of myself suddenly growing an extra head. It gives 19-me a fear that I won’t grow that new head in time. That I won’t grow mature enough in time.

I’m a shambling mess made of shame and sleep and tears and I’m turning 20.