#random beans

In this issei i—

(geddit? lmao me and my half a brain cell laughing at one point)

These are all just my perception on what i've read so far—official, canon, fic, or not. So here goes...

THE POTENTIAL ROMANTIC PARTNERS (in no particular order)

Akaashi Keiji - he. I love him...he's the borderline traditional lover I guess. He knows how to take care of you. Being the observant person he is—he learns about the dating game through people watching and being the solid confidant of his friends when it comes to people relationships? (Which is something we could have in common) He doesn't know why they keep coming to him, nonetheless, he gives reasonable advice. He is intelligent. He's strategic. I am not. I guess that's why. He has something I don't have. Or he excels in something I don't have an aptitude at. A major point would be that one part in the manga in spring tourneys. It made me admire him more because I felt his human side? It's not that he's a robot, no. But you know how he's seen as that calm and composed character like nothing can shake him. Yeah. To see that he also has those moments, it's comforting. It makes me wanna hug him til he feels better. And I am not an affectionate person. Plus, the cherry on top of the ice cream's his timeskip. I tend to be attracted to people who's knowledgeable about the arts—Literature, poetry, any type of written or spoken piece. Someone who can fill me up with words because again, it's not my strength, But I do want to picture and visualize what that logical but somehow creative brain of his write. Just tell me the words, Akaashi, I'll paint you a picture. To be honest, he's one of those that I'll be comfortable with even just hanging out, reading. Best possible meet: at the university, we probably have 1 or 2 classes together, he's in literature, I'm in fine art. He's the good-natured lover. He'll write love letters and stuff when he feels like it. In bed, I feel like he loves like it's his mother tongue. He expresses and pours every ounce of love he has with his body, on the contrary to the day's verbosity.

Kozume Kenma - this pretty boy...I just simp so hard for him. Again, point for being a strategic person through and through. Also I relate to him as an introvert who just wants to be at home and not want to exert too much physical effort. Sweat...i don't like it. Moving on, I'm just attracted to him. I wanna get to know him more. I wanna be his friend. Because I bet it would be an honor to see his excited state. lol He's just super chill and has this aura that just pulls you in. Maaaaan, that timeskip, the simping amplified. I admired him for being his own boss and pursuing his dream til the end. He's living his fcking ikigai right there! What he's good at is what he loves to do plus he gets paid for it and the business he built is what the world needed (an aspect) Kenma, my president, I salute you. Best possible meet: middle school to high school, this would probably be a short relationship but still fun. It's young love. He can be a first kiss. He always shares a kiss that lingers.

Miya Osamu - wellllll, here's the other nugget. It was his eyes that got me the first time I saw s04. Okay, I was attracted at Atsumu at first but there's something I'm not getting lol. Osamu's a silent killer, I tell 'ya! I know he has his own share of chaotic energy in the gene pool, but I feel like it's tolerable, in my preference. I can exchange witty banters with him but knows when to stop. He gives off this reliable aura. It's the kind that you have to observe him well to really see the little things. Y'know...i dunno. Anyway! A big point on him being a foodie. I like cooking, especially with my friends, even just on a whim. Also, one way to this woman's heart is through her stomach. Yeah. I love eating food where I know people put a lot of effort in making it, no matter how simple, let me taste your hardwork huhuhu. I also feel like, he'll be fun to talk to. Random at most. But I think he'd take every random out of context question I have and answer it still. Like really considering the pros and cons. Random take-outs and drive thrus just for the sake of going out and trying out a new resto or street food. He's a homebody so cuddles are nice with him. His hair's so soft to the touch, more so after letting go of the dye. (I just believe he's donning his natural hair color post-timeskip) Best possible meet: at his small resto. Being a usual there because the food's so good and filling. Comfort food. Eventually prepares lunch, then after two months of getting to know each other, he prepares a dinner for 2. After business hours. It may not seem like it, but he's s gentleman.

Sugawara Koushi - Suga's the "I didn't realize I like you til now" Yes, it's a slow realization. The more I saw his reliability as a team member and vice captain, the more I admire. He exudes a light energy. That's it . The energy I want to be around with. He has the type of energy that lifts you up. It's not like Hinata or Bokuto's hyper positive energy. It's like the feather-light one. I know he is chaotic, and I love him for that. He's a son of mercury for gods' sake. It's a given. I'm a gemini too. So maybe that's why I got attracted. Kin to kin. Similar energies. Or maybe, he's the gemini that I aspire to be. His emotional quotient is also admirable, so it's not surprising how he pursued being a teacher. Because as stressful as it is, I think it's innate for him to live and see with the eyes of a child. Best possible meet: high school. Okay i really wanted to be friends with the third years! That's it. He would really be a soft boyfriend. But it's better when you witness his drunk state. I think he's gonna be a mix of all his emotions. Just all at once. Lol kisses with Suga are sweet with a hint of spice at unexpected times.

Sakusa Kiyoomi - I think Sakusa's the only one who started from the fic. Like, I liked him from that one well-written fic and it had stuck to me ever since. There's something about people with reservations. It's reaaaally interesting. Keeps me on my toes typa thing. It tickles my curiosity. I mostly based his explanation off fics and headcanons by wonderful writers here and there. Ngl, he gets the most nsfw points for me. I mean, I bet he's a good one night stand. There, i said it. It just the "untouchable" idea around him—first cos he's an acclaimed germophobe, the other's his status as one of the bests in volleyball—it makes having a relationship with him, worthwhile, I guess. No matter how short or just physical it may be. Cos I have a feeling it's really hard to catch his attention, romantically. And maybe the reason why I read more Sakusa fics recently is cos I can see more of how people perceive him and how he can be more of what he seems to be. He's an interesting person. Best possible meet: same apartment floor. Several times bumping on each other while running errands, mostly laundry and midnight snack runs.

Matsukawa Issei - Need i say more?? Jk. Mattsun's a recent addition. I don't know what flipped the switch? He seems normal to me at first encounter with the anime. Wait, it was the timeskip that got me. I kid you not when I say I found his job choice to be really odd...but in a good way. I liked him right then. Now, I don't know if that's really what he wanted to do or it's for the sake of experience, or just for practical reasons—a man's gotta live. But it really hooked me. Idek why. Maybe it's like that thing at parties, a good conversation starter. So, moving on, I bet he gives the most comfortable, lazy ass, cuddles you can ever dream of. It's the staying in on a cold winter night. Lazy saturday mornings. Anything laid back and chill tbh. Nonsensical jokes but still funny. I also have a feeling that he's clingy at a random. He may know random trivias bout stuff, mostly crime and murder mysteries. For the nsfw times, I mean did you see the man?! He's like an Adonis. I bet bet bet he has super nice pecs that are so comfy to just rest on. Sometimes he jokes around before, during, or after doing it. Just for fun and just to tease. Best Possible meet: high school. He's the 'best friends to lovers' relationship. That comfortable bond of being best friends first then lovers second. It's reassuring. You can worry about being broke but still have a laugh bout it together.

And there it is. I'm proud of you if you still stuck til the end. I was about to mush it all in one post but it came out longer than expected. So I'll save the others for next time. (Next category here)

That's it for my bed time story.

my very own art shop. After so many years of stressing about my art skills and frustrations about art blocks and seeing people who are so much better than me, I've decided to just do it this year.

I never would have thought that despite all the negative energies surrounding year 2020, I would still pull through and make this dream happen.

Tbh, I always worry if what I'm planning to do creatively, be it for a day job or personal sketches and fanart, wouldn't be enough. But recently, after taking a 3-month break from social media when the quarantine's just starting, I realized that I'm just the only person left holding myself back to do the things that I want and live a more purposeful life.

So, here I am, typing away cos I'm hella excited about it! I'm so excited to finally share a piece of my bean planet to everyone (even just by social media)

It's literally just 8 hrs away from landing. And I should sleep, but I can't dhskbdudkdhdk bye sleep.

That's all.

P.S.

I'm enjoying it so much. The animation, the character design and dynamics, How other worldly it is but not quite.

I'm so excited to continue but I think I have to take this pause because I felt like crying after finishing the first season. Mostly because of Atsushi's thoughts. Even more when I searched the meaning of the ending song—it got me the first time I heard it but didn't search the lyrics cos I have this habit where I just want to bask into a new song with language I couldn't understand and let it embrace me—move me—if I really liked it at first listen. (This also happened with Kazetsuyo's ending songs)

Though, I guess I know why I was this moved by the song and this anime.

My current state right now, questions what the ending song had answered. And then there's this line:

"My name, which is the gift given to me, signifying why I can be who I am"

The moment I read that while listening, Atsushi's standpoint just flashed back. His anxieties of still being alive and not knowing if he has purpose in their world. That if he's just that and not something more?

Making a name for myself. This has become one of the things that kept hammering into my brain every now and then. As I age further, the louder it sounds. And now that I am starting to take action to own my life again, the doubts and anxieties are just around the corner, lurking.

Doubts on my strength, my weaknesses...what I still do not know of this world. It's like being the baby bird leaving the nest for the first time. Every negative feeling, all on sight and accumulates to fear.

Fear of not being able to deliver. Fear of not being enough. Fear of falling and failures.

I'm still learning to adapt to these negative feelings. Still trying to turn my perspectives around. With all the media I consume, which can become overwhelming overtime, there are still those that shine above from the rest.

The types of things that help me create and solidify the principles I believe and will believe in as I live on because that's the me I am shaping for my future. The one that chose not to regret not owning her time—her life.

And I'm glad to say, Bungou Stray Dogs is now one of them.

In Kazetsuyo, Haiji said "We have our own way of doing things. Believe in it." This could go hand in hand with the aforementioned lyrics.

Because in the end, as much as we are all humans with just about the same make-up, we still have a tiny seed that we all cultivate and protect as we grow older and wiser. It's what we think we can share to our world.

As long as we don't forget that tiny seed within us and help it grow, no matter how long it takes, it will bear fruits. So long as we believe in it. Believe that we all have our own seeds. Own names. Own gifts.

(First category here)

I RESPECT YOU 'TIL MY LAST BREATH

In no particular order except Nishinoya. He rightfully owns my first spot. These are the people who I can't help but look up to.

Nishinoya Yuu - he's honestly the first ever character I got attracted to. It started as a simple crush cos he's so cute but has this BIG personality but then after the first season, this crush grew into something more important—respect. I want a brother like him. I want a friend like him. I want a senior like him. It's just...the amount of respect I have for this man. God, the moment he reassured everyoned that he's gonna fight endlessly on the ground no matter what, I took a moment to just bless him. Hahaha but really, I just stopped watching and admired him for a while like that. Another thing, he's so sure of what his capabilities are at present. He's so certain. But at the same time, still open for the unknown challenges ahead. His head on healthy rivalry with Yaku's the best!! Istg, I see Noya as a hero now if I'm being honest... He's a presence to be reckoned with. The pinky finger to karasuno's body (my opinion only) He's one of the most reliable players on court. He never forgets to always believe in everybody's strengths. We need a Nishinoya Yuu in our lives. We need a brother, a friend, a senior to look up to who supports and grows with us He just focuses on what he does best, being there for everybody when needed. I love him so much. How his character changed some of my perspectives in life. I really can't thank him (how he's written) enough. His shining moment in my eyes: Keep your eyes forward, because you have me guarding your backs

Sawamura Daichi - He is...idk sometimes I just wanna cry when I see him. He's just there for everyone. Never gives up even when things get hard. He accepted his strengths and honed them to be the good backbone he is now. He IS one of the pillars of Karasuno VBC. He isn't named Daichi if not for that reason—the great land to build the strong foundation. He is not a perfect leader but in this imperfection do I find his right way to lead his flock of crows. He is persistent even before he became a leader. He's always so grateful for the opportunities given to them and makes sure they were never put to waste. Pure hardwork and failures to reach this success. Sigh. Daichi. His shining moment in my eyes: Even if we're not confident that we'll win, even if others tell us we don't stand a chance, we must never tell ourselves that.

Oikawa Tooru - Okay, I'll admit that my first impression of him isn't that good. It's cos of the "rooting for the underdogs" gene I have when I first watched HQ. But after the 2nd and 3rd season, I started to ease up on his personality and where he's coming from. Then I rewatched the series again and dabbled on the manga. Sheesh. What A RUSh. But I am thankful for this kind of domino effect of HQ in me. Just like what Seijoh represents, he grew on me. I started to understand. I started to see things through his eyes. I started to realize that a part of me relates to how he's dealing with his life and career path. It's intimidating as it was inspiring. How familiar his clear vision was to remind me that everything you decide from this point on, will serve as a stepping stone to the greater life you see yourself living. Having that clarity before you, it's heartbreaking to see yourself fail on your way to it. But seeing Oikawa's pivotal moment (or just having a sense of it), it's just ashjdhsjshdhs. He'll just do anything to claim that dream, that life. He's stubborn, mostly for the good, than bad (unless around his friends i guess. Hahaha) Look at him, able to deliver service aces and killer sets. Look at him set to any vb team flawlessly. The good stubborn—persistence. His persistence to practice more and more to the point of breaking. Persistence in practice that breeds fluid techniques that are almost automatic. Persistence in practice that's almost close to perfection. But still he lost. He accepted the downfall along with his teammates. They had a good cry about it and learned so much from it. Yet he still chose this path. The path he knows he'll be great at. Again with his persistence to move towards it, he starts a new journey and takes it on as a beginner but with experience. He allowed himself to be a beginner again when no one was looking. He embraced unfamiliarity with open arms and rode along with it. And now...the rightfully deserved win. It's his. He worked so hard to get to this point and will surely keep going no matter what life offers him. And that gives me hope. His shining moment in my eyes: Spikers are all different. If you're able to bring out 100% of the strengths of each and every one of them, that's when you'll be a true setter.

Tanaka Ryuunosuke - Huhuhu Tanaka. He never gives up. Just runs for every ball on their side of the court when needed saving. Just like how he saved kageyama and hinata every time we think nothing could be done, there's Tanaka. He's a great senior to have despite being clouded by his rowdyness along with Nishinoya. They are my favorite bro-ships ever since because of the pure love and support they give for the team. They provide the great middle. Idk if that makes sense but they are. Tanaka's mental strength on court is formidable and he is reliable in that way. Rare would we see him shaken by opponents but if it happens, he's quick and able to call himself out for it. And that's one of the reasons why he is a strong ace too. Plus, Kageyama would've never insisted on bringing the ball to him if not for that. Thank you for being a great senpai, Tanaka. AND YES, THE INARIZAKI MATCH. His shining moment in my eyes: Do you really have the time to be lookin' down right now?

Alright, phew. I got a bit carried away...These emotions, they're flooding me.

Anyway, I really enjoyed explaining this category cos I just hold them all in high regard. I really value them as such.

And again, these are just all my cents on them and how I perceive them as charcters that help me get through life.

I'm 7 days away from my last day at work but the stress of deadlines still out and about?? We (people who resigned) should be endorsing the accounts we're handling. And we're doing everything BUT. Can't wait for this to be over.

Hihihi 🤭 thank youuuu

8. Favorite show to binge? hmmm...right now, it would be Kazetsuyo. I think I watched the whole season for 3 times this year? 😅

2. What are you obsessed with right now? WILLOW'S MUSIC. I have been playing her whole discography for a week now. 🥺💜 i vibe with her music. I didn't think i would yet here I am.

Last Song: Youth by Daughter

Last Movie:  Beetlejuice 👽🖤 it's an october ritual

Currently Reading: i'm not reading any book currently but i did leave a bookmark last month on "The Wisdom of Groundhog Day"

Currently Watching: series? I'm about to finish the remainder of Terrace House 2019-2020 on Netflix. Will start The Haunting of Bly Manor tomorrow! 

Currently Craving: Hot Nachos. Ugh. With lotsa cheeeeeese and pimento

Currently Working On: new designs for my clay pins. I wanna release the new designs this weekend but I guess not. I need to rest a bit from crouching over the desktop for day job and my project. So I hope next week?

Currently Playing: i don't play games at the moment. But do card games count? (Not on computers) yes I still play solitaire and tut's tomb. Cos i don't have anyone to play hits with ✌🏽😔

Tagging: @akkipu @gabbywubby @bigchopstickenergy