#ramen writes

cream puffs and eclairs are super obvious for - reasons *cough cough* - but like kdj isnt as impressed and just says they could use a bit more sugar (he does like the chocolate on top and eats more eclairs than cream puffs, but yjh doesn't notice bc he's still trying to understand kdj)

ramping it up, he gets cream pies next (ya he's not being subtle) and kdj just shrugs it off and casually gives slices to the kids, and having one for himself, saying it tastes good and wondering how yjh would make a lemon cake (he says that bc he owes hsy some dessert and would rather get it for free than pay, so now yjh thinks kdj likes lemon cake lolol)

yjh makes oysters, which he researched were supposed to have aphrodisiac properties, but kdj kinda just eats like, 3, and says it tastes kinda like all the other seafood he's had (and if he gets super flushed and horny later that's his problem not yjh)

then, going down the more romantic path, yjh makes chocolate coated fruits - strawberries, pomegranate, figs, etc etc (idk im pulling these from google lowkey, some of these don't actually have aphrodisiac properties but they are related to romance and the like so...) and kdj actually likes these bc they're easy to eat and actually super sweet and now yjh is happy and knows how to properly seduce kdj

Fic based on this art idea-

"Five years after the events of the movie, Gueira and Meis invite Lio over to their place to get high as a kite. They discuss life, coping, and love. And seals."

read tags!

"You can write? That's crazy!"

"...who do you think has been leaving those notes in your locker?"

"..."

"..."

"...I think we need to address the fact you sign off on all those with a 'UwU' then."

"Wait - no, not those ones. Cyrene transcribes those ones so you can't figure out it's me. I do *not* ask her to add those on."

"So you admit that you're the one sneaking food into my locker?"

"....maybe...."

legit had this idea just a while ago, like fresh outta the oven and cooled and ready to serve with milk kinda while ago too lazy to format so here we go

yjh is a terrorist/criminal head of a syndicate/notorious delinquent idk, but he gets arrested

kdj is an overworked prison guard who does shifts and security surveillance (and the actual warden but nobody tells that because....reasons, and they're very good reasons) and is the one who processes yjh in

and yjh gets annoyed by this guard who tries to get him to cooperate in this prison by seeing what he wants as soon as they hit the interrogation room. he's let out without making a deal, and at least agreeing to be cordial and warn kdj if he's ever in any danger of being attacked by the inmates (yjh is very confused at that - are all the inmates here violent?) and is let into his cell for the night, given the schedule of when to expect food, and how the next few years of his life will go

its slowly revealed, as yjh interviews the other prisoners, that this is how kdj has been able to secure his position so low on the chain, remain there for years, and maintain some semblance of peace within the prison; by semi-baiting the prisoners to be on their best behavior with under the table dealings and reforming them. he's found that incentive is the best way to keep riots and fights down, pacifying people is easier than beating them into submission, and literally has every single inmate wrapped around his finger

and he chooses to slack away all day because of it, and everyone knows it. he's the unofficial warden because he's allergic to paperwork (yjh learns he got bed sick for almost a week when promoted to second-hand man, and since then the inmates have kinda taken care to make a hierarchy around this man so nobody, cooperative or not, disrupts the delicate balance they have)

he also learns kdj likes investing emotionally in these people, and while contemplating what kind of deal he should strike with kdj (because its kinda an unwritten rule that until you converse with kdj and make a 'deal with the demon king' you're better off as an outcast, and it signifies that you'll be doing less time, being one of those in and out cases) that, as long as he has kdj's better interests in mind, he could figure out how far he can go

asking one of the inmates, he learns that kdj, because he's on surveillance, uses it as a chip to put inmates in place, by either ignoring what he sees or fabricating evidence, so its best to not get on his bad side or if one wants to cash in a favor for the right price, a quick meeting should be able to go unnoticed

thus, yjh years of scheming what to do with kdj begins, and progresses to the point he even starts to begin pursuing romantic intentions with kdj

(later on, after releasing from parole, he'd get arrested with the right charge and he'd get put in prison again, just long enough to tease kdj more, until kdj made him realize that yjh could become a head prison master given enough years of reform and all that jazz. kdj then watches as yjh is let out one final time, and doesn't see him again for a while, and sorta forgets about him like the man he is, until he's introduced to the hardass new warden (think sp now that yjh has had to prove himself worthy of leaving the underground network, it wasn't easy to cut off his connections so he escaped with the most valuable thing being his life) and wanders around for like a week wondering why this guy looks so familiar and then approaches yjh and goes 'wait a minute i know you' and proceeds to say he looks like that one guy who stayed for maybe a month over robbing milk from the store, aka someone who is not yjh. then, yjh gets pissed and makes it his mission to make kdj remember who he is, and falls back into his flirty habits, then they live happy the end)

yea idk how it got to this long and filled out in like *checks time* thirty minutes?? from the three sentence summary of:

Criminal who falls for the local prison guards and who keeps getting arrested after being released just to keep seeing him

Is very specific in how he’s arrested so that its not too tight or loose for security so that he keeps seeing the guard

Guard does not get paid enough for this

but i found it very joongdok coded since theyre already both having a foot in crime, so why not

take it as you may, i really think this is hilarious personally, but i hope yall liked it too

Just thought of this one last night and it isn't as fleshed out but:

The Meal:

Kim Dokja as cupid, but he uses dreams instead of arrows bc apparently you only find out someone is attractive through dreams

The General Idea:

Yjh happens to have dreams of lee seolhwa from dokja bc dokja thinks they make a good pair but he happens to catch a glimpse of kdj as one of the bystanders in the dream and starts wanting to know more about this person who he’s never seen in real life and only shows up in his dreams

He consults lee seolhwa about it (which kdj thinks is a convo between the two that yjh is finally confessing that he dreams about her and is happy that they are getting together) but lsh says that any people we see in dreams are faces we’ve seen before kinda thing

So yjh starts thinking back to when he mightve seen this person, and this is where it can diverge a little bit

The Sides:

Yjh asks the internet/his followers on stream about this person (both a good and terrible idea). this gets the internet in a ruckus about who this person yjh is dreaming about and because he can't seem to draw kdj face by memory from his dreams, other people start coming forward saying they see someone similar, and the internet wonders about this phenomenon until one day all the question hubs, blogs, and streams of people talking about this random person is wiped clean, and no mention comes up ever again. yjh, wondering what happened, types another question onto the internet but is stopped as the words continue to, seemingly, disappear into thin air. he's persistent, though, and asks about it vocally on stream until he figures out that the chat can't hear what he's saying. trying a third time, he calls up lee seolhwa to ask and it isn't until she says she doesn't remember talking about such things with him that a weird person (hsy who else) appears behind him and tells him how the cupid came to be and how the identity of said person should never be discussed or found. With yjh use of the internet and other people, she had to scramble to do damage control and like hell she's gonna let yjh make her do all that again. So she spills that kdj was indeed a person, but after living a loveless life and eventually committing suicide at a young age, he was chosen as cupid - to bring people in love that he lacked in his life, never to understand the joy of having a partner. she likens it to a curse, saying it can't be broken, but now yjh is on a mission to make sure this cupid boi is loved. however, what happens when the matchmaker falls in love? they lose the position. so, unknowingly, yjh makes kdj fall for him and officially makes sure he isn't cupid anymore, brings him back to earth and all that (since dream realm in cupid access is kinda different ig?) and all of a sudden has to deal with the fact that a new cupid needs to be found and installed. oh no what happens next lol idk this is long enough for a side as is

Similar to previous, maybe not as convoluted, Yjh starts looking through albums of his childhood and notices how every time someone close to what this person looks like, they're in the edges of the photo and always blurry and younger than what yjh remembers seeing in his dream. It turns out kdj was a normal child before becoming cupid, and eventually yjh manages to contact kdj and find that he has no memory of being human, and that often times the camera can capture his essence as love within the world, like a rose-tinted lens. Joonghyuk, being inspired, asks if kdj would appear in all the pictures he takes to see if its true, and all of a sudden it devolves into photos of yjh and a random guy being placed all over his apartment, all flawlessly captured and beautiful and a work of art that professional photographers get jealous of. Agreeing with kdj that he wants to share this with the world, kdj 'haunts' yjh cameras to make all his photos end up very romanticized, and starts making a photoshoot business with weddings, prom nights, and all other special events. he gets known as the photographer nothing can hide from in a picture. this can go to either he gets so renowned that he picks up all sorts of hobbies, or goes professional and all, but it gets to the point that kdj starts 'cupiding' people in the photos and he starts being renowned as a matchmaker photographer too. After a while, though, because of some magic stuff and all that, kdj manifests himself in reality through all the love yjh 'captured' with his camera, and sacrifices his camera to make a body for kdj since it acted as a medium for his powers, and allowed kdj to not have to be a cupid anymore, and they live happily ever after the end. cheesy but eh

Since we had two happy ones, why not have one with more angst: Yjh refuses to sleep and tries to force himself awake if he dreams of lsh to get this cupid guy off his back. kdj takes it personally and they start fighting in the dreams. it devolves into chaos and ofc neither wants to articulate their feelings to the other ever, so they have a back and forth until kdj and yjh slowly become friends, and they use the dreams as a medium for talking all the time and developing a friendship. It goes so far that yjh, who used to have a wonderful sleep schedule, and then none at all, now sleeps all the time citing that he isn't all that busy and should just sleep. yjh slowly declines in health and consciousness so much that he actually starts slipping into a coma. its not until its too late that yjh realizes he's trapped into this dream realm with kdj forever, now that his body is too tired and used to sleeping remaining mentally in the dream realm with kdj, and its exactly how kdj planned it because he couldn't let this opportunity pass. yjh is happy that he gets to spend time with kdj now, forever, but can't help but worry about what happens to him in reality now that he's in a coma.... more open ended but definitely more angsty if thats what you like. definitely possessive kdj and reluctantly in love yjh, but take it as you want.

was torn between this and the spy x family au so i'll put this one on for now and return to the spy x family one bc that was sounds pretty straightforward (and will probably mean i get to write so much more because my brain won't be able to stop). this one was supposed to be smol, but hey, i started writing and couldn't stop so here we are. also with some angst, i know the ideas ive written so far have been pretty happy but i needed a little sadness otherwise it looks a little too happy of a situation

also, this might be for a different au, but cupid as a grown ass man who goes around unironically shooting people with arrows? i wanna write a crack and you bet your ass kdj or yjh are gonna be cupid. read a renheng fic around the same idea (couldnt find it again to finish it) but it was enough that i wanted to write something similar bc it was so funny

hope you enjoyed, is it obvious im putting more effort in writing than actual punctuation and capitalization? kinda gets tiring hitting the shift key and who needs proper formatting when you're gonna read this at max speed anyways? all i need are words and autocorrect so it comes across right (hopefully)

disclaimer: excuse the grammar, maybe minor spoilers for orv for those who haven't read super far into the story, like demon world arc?

think i finally cracked it, and i'll probably upload little add-ons later, but spy x family orv has had me in a clutch between two fandoms now and there's so many parallels and I gotta figure out how to do this so i propose:

kdj as yor, yjh as loid, and biyoo as anya ofc (havent watched buddy daddies but probably will because it sounds like a dynamic that fits them more) where kdj is probably more serial killer/hitman for hire working closer with the Underworld and yjh being a spy/mafioso style almost, where their alliances don't really line up as closely to a country affiliation but more to their own people, and value loyalty, experience, and familial ties over patriotism. again, might make another plot idea closer to the spy x family lore and background, but this came to mind first so fuck it we ball

however, i wanted to add some twists bc this idea came to me before i could get to figuring out the whole eden school plot point (brainrot decrees i need a good school environment for biyoo and that might take some brainstorming) and because i can't see another incentive for yjh and kdj to form a family around biyoo because of that:

yjh and kdj approach each other aware of the other's identity, but with the idea to seduce/trap the other into their own networking things (kdj trying to get yjh as more of a skilled killer so they could underworld gig together and yjh trying to recruit kdj into his mafioso system so they actually have an adequate and reliable assassin/ cleaner, probably more history on that assassin mafia position bc there could be a lot there)

now, i know the major plot point of sxf is that nobody knows who the other really is *except anya ofc* but like, bc we have two geniuses who are very suspicious of each other, i had to make a thing where they both approach each other with full knowledge of what both of them do, and trying to win one over with their own ambitions because, lets be honest, power couples who are murderous to anyone who threatens their sunshine is just *mwah* because the moment someone kidnaps biyoo on the premise of threatening either parent, they're dead. like since last week.

anyways, this would probably include interactions with trying to throw dirt on the other or insulting organizations, cue kdj trying to teach biyoo never to get into gangs or the sort bc the power and hierarchy system is shit, yjh telling biyoo that hitmen and assassins can't be freelance and need to take some orders from the top so they know who to kill otherwise they lose their prestige as assassins and allat, kdj not so subtly saying mafias are brutal and have no class, while yjh says assassins are so stuck up because they kill so many elites that they reach of arrogance only found in the upper class, list goes on and on. biyoo is just there hoping someday she can just be babysat between both the underworld and mafia because both are just equally fun

and now, if we add in some flirting, you all of a sudden have kdj describing what he'd do if he ever found a mafioso trying to get in the way of one of his hits, yjh trying not to imagine it and get turned on, while making kdj jealous by having a 'soon-to-be-hired' *imaginary* assassin in the mafia and recounting that they're lovers or something (kdj knows its a lie, yjh can't keep his eyes off of him and he knows there's no assassin in the mafia yet otherwise he'd be far gone from him and biyoo but it doesn't mean the jealousy inside him will listen to that) and not so subtly suggests how good he is in bed

which would probably lead to another bought of insults between the two concerning things biyoo should definitely *not* hear

they also try and get blackmail on the other and expose that they each know exactly what the other is doing, but never succeed so now its more like a daily thing they do in semi-stalking and keeping tabs on the other (and if it means saving yjh from a close call of almost being shot by a half-dead lackey during enemy base raid, or if kdj's targets end up being a little too drugged up before kdj kills them, well, they're flirting your honor) and again, biyoo just watches from the sidelines

now, if we're already changing that, we could definitely say biyoo can read minds right? but where's the fun in that

so instead of reading minds, what if she reads the people themselves?

full transparency of personality, background, intentions, and probably stemming more as the dokkaebi nature of being storytellers, she sees things in people that sometimes they themselves don't even know, and its up to her on how to interpret it

closest example would probably be bbc sherlock with how words seem to pop out, except it goes deeper than just general appearance and emotion, but again along the lines of reading the persons' story/ first words of association (she's kdj daughter after all)

because it seems like anya can consciously read people's minds and not all the time, i think biyoo could do the same, she just has to prepare herself for the onslaught of words that're going to come from 'reading' a person since she has to sort through the information that comes to her and try to make sense of it (like how anya can read minds but still has to sleuth out who's saying what and what context their saying it in - like reading minds doesn't make one omniscient, and she's still young so she doesn't understand a lot about thought processes or people, and can only make small, sometimes misunderstood inferences, translate that over to biyoo and she can understand the general 'vibe' (?) of a person but it still takes some work to break it all down, and sometimes understanding them at a deeper level)

Now, combine all this with general shenanigans (as one does in spy x family bc *comedy*) and now we can add in so much tension and 'cat and mouse' gameplay between these two that it'd actually be insane. i cant think of any examples (will probably reblog with any funny scenarios i think of) but like, imagine the possibilities

anyways if this has actually been fleshed out by someone before me id love to hear it, i cannot get enough of this brainrot personally and wanna see other people's thoughts on this

see yall in the next post when it comes, personally thinking about reblogging some older ideas with some theoretical dialogue or situations bc some of these are like old brainrots so we'll see

Only had one thought today, and it was that Joonghyuk's second half of his name sounds so much like the 'hawk-tuah' phrase that, imagine-

Kim Dokja, to spite Yoo Joonghyuk, saves his contact as

Yoo Joong Hyuk-Tuah

and it causes all sorts of misunderstandings

Yoo Sangah thinks he finally hooked up but is kinda concerned about the contact naming and what happened between kdj and possibly a very bad one night stand

Han Sooyoung thinks he's an idiot for actually naming someone that and thinks its a really bad spammer that kdj changed the contact to because the guy was so annoying and refuses to accept that the contact is a real person

Lee Hyungsung is torn between asking what it means and asking kdj who the person is when the phone rings at six o' nine every day

Jung Heewon is torn between laughing out loud or laughing out louder because kdj is just a dumbass and the fact that he knows what hawk-tuah means is hilarious by itself

Shin Yoosung and Lee Gilyoung are at a loss for words and absoultely confused (bless their little hearts, they only know to throw shade to some Yoo guy across the street who keeps bothering their hyung)

Only Lee Jihye and Kim Namwoon have an absolute mental breakdown figuring out that their senior may or may not know modern slang, and die a little inside every time kdj uses 'kid phrases nowadays' for them after they acted all shocked that he knew what 'hawk-tuah' was

*tbf im writing this with like half of the knowledge of the origin of hawk-tuah and only had it explained from a friend in small amounts, so idk how much weight this carries and if it is proportional to actual implications. I just like the chaos possible*

The best part? yjh knows absolutely nothing about this (or he knows everything and isn't paid enough for this and fumes internally and speeds up his rate to getting an ulcer from kimcom) and is just subjected to poorly executed sex jokes and the company betting pool's shenanigans

Relish the idea pls, imagine the possibilities, and think if it actually happened. this was begging to be let out so now I share with yall too