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Chapter One: The Beginning, The End

Raining Hellfire Series | RH5

Word Count: 8.7k

Warnings: swearing, mentions of death, mentions of illness (unknown cause, heart problems), grief, reader living in her own head again

[A/N: Let's get it started!!!! The next 3 chapters are locked and loaded to be released soon, so we have finally dug out of the posting drought! To everyone who has been tuning in already, thank you <3 I'd love to hear your thoughts, or if there's something you'd like to see in my fic that you wanted for ST5, then please feel free to comment or leave an ask.]

<- previous chapter Prologue: Heart

The Beginning, The End

In the dark, there is always light.

Usually, it’s a weak and dull glow, hidden behind large shadows that grow more and more each day. But you can always find it, eventually. As long as you strayed from the shadows.

Shadows that were whispers. Whispers with clinging hands that pulled you back, clawing at your legs and arms, trying to pull you deeper into the darkness. You could only fight back, screams falling into silence in the void of light.

When you finally break free, you’re stumbling into the night, blind and scared. The whispers only get louder, your hands firmly pressed over your ears until the incoherent yells for attention were nothing but muffled words.

And the light shines for you, brighter, as it always did, illuminating the path to freedom.

You run to the exit, the dark fading into the light, and you’re free.

BANG BANG BANG

Your eyes fly open, body groaning with fatigue. The obnoxious knocks on your front door continue as you try to wake up fully, propping yourself up in your bed with a yawn.

BANG BANG

“I’m coming!” You groggily yell, feet finding the cool floorboards of your bedroom.

You take a quick glance at yourself, wincing at the insane bedhead you most certainly weren’t rocking. There wasn’t time to change, either, because the knocking began again and it certainly wasn’t helping your morning migraine.

Curses left your mouth as you descended each step of your staircase, already prepared to hit whoever was standing on the other side of your door.

When you fling it open, the surprised and guilty eyes of your friend took in your appearance.

“Um… morning?” Jonathan offers, trying a grin.

You lean against the door, frowning. He wasn’t in much better shape, strands of hair sticking up in odd places, clothes rumpled like they were snatched from the floor and thrown on in haste.

“What kind of fresh hell is making you break down my door to wake me up this early?” You ask, eyes narrowed. You then blink, noting the fact that he was standing on your porch. “Wait, why are you outside?”

A woman and her dog are passing by the house then, her eyes trailing to your figure. She scoffs to herself, and in the fog of your tired exposition, you immediately raise your middle finger to her.

“Oh my!” She gasps, and Jonathan is quickly pushing you back into your house with an awkward smile thrown to the nosy neighbour.

“We’re late.” Jonathan says as soon as the door clicks shut. “I had to haul my ass out of bed and get over to the Wheelers to make sure Will woke up in time, and I forgot my keys.”

“Late?” You blink, not entirely catching up with his words. “Late for what?”

“Everything.” He points to the clock on the wall and you squint at it, trying to make out the time.

As if your brain had finally woken up, your eyes widened with a sudden shock.

“Oh shit!”

Jonathan shares in your panic as you fly up the stairs. “I’ll grab the bags!”

As you eventually start changing into any clothes you can find, you glare at the alarm clock on your bedside table as if it would feel shame for not waking you up. It was the third time this month you’ve missed an alarm, and it seems like your usual back-up of a housemate also failed today.

Still, you were grateful to have Jonathan here.

When the Byers returned from California, they were virtually homeless. Both you and Karen immediately opened your doors to them, offering them a place to stay. Joyce and Will mostly stayed at the Wheeler house unless they were coming in late from a Crawl night, in which they would crash here as to not wake up the family next door.

Jonathan, however, officially moved in a few months ago. You were pretty happy about it, the house feeling far too lonely for just one person. He slept down the hall, next to Jack’s old room, and you were always thankful to have one of your best friends a door away.

And he was especially glad to be living with you any time he joined the Wheelers for breakfast. To call it chaotic would be tame.

“Okay, let’s go.” You grab your bag from Jonathan’s hand and swipe your car keys from the table.

By the time you’d locked up and stepped into the heat of the morning sun, everyone was already waiting, growing impatient.

“Come on!” Mike insists, arms folded as he leans against your car. You raise an eyebrow.

Nancy stood in front of her own car with an amused expression at the state her best friend and her boyfriend were in. She raises her hands in surrender when you catch her grin.

“I’m sorry, would you prefer to bike to school today?” You shoot at Mike, and he rolls his eyes.

“Once again, I am forever in your debt that you take time in the morning to provide us with transport to school so our legs don’t get tired from pedalling, you are our saviour and reigning queen of the kingdom.” He deadpans, and you pause on the driver’s side of the car.

Your eyes shift to the boy standing beside him with a questioning frown.

“What he means to say is thank you.” Will translates with a charming laugh.

“Whatever,” You say with a smile, “Get in.”

Both boys immediately reach for the passenger side, and you immediately groan. If there was even a slim chance you’d make it on time, their usual fight over the front seat is certain to set you back.

“Good luck!” Nancy laughs at you as she and Jonathan slip into her car, the boy giving you a shit-eating grin and a jolly wave.

“You rode in front last time!”

“To school, yeah, but you were in front yesterday when we were heading to the station-”

“Uh, no!”

There’s a small tap on your shoulder that brings you out of the distracting mess of teenage dilemmas, your eyes finding a pair of blue ones that made you smile instantly.

“Hey, Holly.” You say, and she sends a confused look to her brother and his friend. “Oh, they’re fighting over the front seat again.”

She hums, eyes narrowing with thought before her lips start to stretch. “Can I ride in front?”

You glance back at the boys, almost laughing at the way they were both desperately blocking each other from grabbing the handle.

“Of course you can, Holly.” You say cheerily, leading her over and opening the door for her.

“Thank you.” She smiles, placing her bag in the foothold and plopping herself down. Will and Mike snap their heads to her, shoulders deflating in defeat.

“Okay, you two in the back.” You shut the door and motion for them to get in.

“But-”

“She asked politely.” You say, winking at Holly when they continued to whine about it, strapping in.

Holly giggles to herself, reaching into her back and pulling out a book you were sure was glued to her hands any moment she could get.

The youngest Wheeler had really grown more confident over the past year. You were used to her being this shy little girl that hid behind her mother when they were anywhere but their house. Only small words were ever exchanged between you, but she seemed pretty comfortable to have you around, a familiarity in your presence.

Now, you could honestly say it was like having another sister with her around. While everyone was kept busy with the Crawls, you’d often be asked to babysit by Karen on the nights Ted worked late and she wanted to spend an evening with her friends. Holly was a little bundle of light, something you desperately needed right now. You mostly talked about books, but you’d rather talk about anything other than the nightmares that lingered below Hawkins.

“So, was everyone late this morning?” You eventually ask, eyeing the boys in the back. Will still didn’t look quite awake, and Mike was looking uncomfortable. “Mike?”

“I yelled at Joyce.” He suddenly admits, shifting awkwardly. “I thought it was Nancy, and I really needed the bathroom.”

“Wow.” You stifle a laugh, the image far funnier in your head than it should be.

“I can never look her in the eye again.” Mike decides, hands thrown up in exasperation.

“She definitely doesn’t care, I promise.” Will laughs, patting his shoulder. Mike offers half a smile, looking unconvinced.

“She’s raised two boys, you think this is the first time she’s dealt with that?” You add, and he shrugs, content for now. “Plus, if you’d rather not make an enemy of Joyce, you’re always welcome at my house, remember?”

“You’d be cool with me randomly walking into your house to shower?” He asks with a frown.

“Hey, as long as you don’t make a mess, I don’t care what you do.”

“Shit.” Will curses beneath his breath, and Holly’s ears perk up, her eyes widening with amusement.

“Language.” You call back at him and he apologises, leaning forward.

“Sorry, but we’re missing the broadcast. It’s 5 past.”

“Right.” You click your fingers, reaching over and switching on the radio before you turn down the street.

The radio manages to tune into the voice of Robin Buckley, accompanied by the very necessary sound effects presented by none other than Steve Harrington.

“While we’re on the subject of things not to do, please steer clear of the Military Access Control Zone, aka the MAC-Z, or as I like to call it, the Big Mac. I have no idea what’s going on in there, but I have a gut feeling there’s a pretty good reason they’d like you to stay away. But hey, the rest of Hawkins is still there for you to enjoy. Someday soon, they’re gonna let us out of here. *desk bell sound* In the meantime, be thankful this is your home, study for that test, enjoy that TV dinner, and go on that date. Which, by the way, is exactly what yours truly is doing tonight. That’s right, Rockin' Robin has a date, ladies and gentlemen. *chicken noise* And now, who is this lucky someone? Well, don’t be so nosy, kids. They know who they are. That is, if you’re listening, which I hope you are. Because this next one, it’s for you, babe.”

A melody starts blaring through the speakers, and you find yourself starting to smile. Robin had been having a pretty great year despite the Upside Down dilemma. And you were so very happy for her.

The radio suddenly crackles, fizzling out.

You frown at your stereo, hitting it a couple times as you turn the street down towards the schools.

“Something they said?” Mike asks knowingly, and you sigh, switching it off completely.

“Most likely.”

As you park the car, you take a quick look at the kids swarming into the high school, a pang of bittersweet nostalgia banging at your chest. Your last years at this school were spent chasing monsters. It was a surprise to everyone you graduated, much less got a scholarship.

You’ve constantly wondered how different it all would have been if the first gate was never opened.

“Alright, off you go, kids.” You grin, winking when Mike delivers an unimpressed expression.

“Bye, Y/n!” Holly says cheerily, hopping out of her seat and practically rushing over to the middle school.

“Uh…” You eye the two boys still sitting in the back, looking over your shoulder. “This is the part where you get out.”

Will whacks Mike’s arm, getting him into gear. When they shut the doors behind them, they don’t leave. Instead, they stand by the driver side window, looking at you expectedly.

“So… are you joining us tonight? We’re going over the next crawl plans.” Will asks tenderly, a soft smile on his face.

“Yeah, we really need someone there who will tell Hopper his plans kinda suck.” Mike retorts. Will sends him a wide-eyed look before he laughs, taken aback by Mike’s disdain to the chief’s orders.

“Uh…” You flex your fingers on the steering wheel, taking a breath. “Maybe.”

Will just nods, looking hesitant at your poor attempt at a lie. Mike, however, leans against the car, voice quiet.

“We… um…” He starts, a look of vulnerability you haven’t seen in him for a while. Or any of them, for that matter. They were all forcing themselves to grow up faster. At least, the world around them was. “We miss you. You’re like our unofficial party member.”

“Unofficial?” You smirk, hands gripping the wheel tighter as you chased away the feeling you were a disappointment.

“For now.” He offers, the boy behind him looking at you both with a smile.

You missed these kids so damn much. With school, all the crawls, and your current state of kind, you haven’t been around them much. Part of you assumed they hadn’t noticed your absence. Clearly you were wrong.

The bell rings out, and you clear your throat, forcing a smile. “Say hi to El for me, okay?”

Mike’s face falls slightly, but he nods regardless. Both of them looked hesitant to leave you, but there wasn’t much choice with the school day already starting, waving goodbye and heading inside with all the other students.

You wanted to help, of course you did. But what good were you right now?

“Mayfield, you there?”

“Helloooo?”

“Y/n?”

You frown, craning your neck to the backseat to rifle through the various crap you had stored back there. Among the mess, as well as the impatience of the boy’s voice trying to reach you, you finally snatch the radio from a footwell and extend the antenna, sighing.

“Good morning, Steve.”

“Henderson is a cocky little bastard.”

“My morning’s been fine, thanks for asking.” You smile, pulling a face at a child currently watching you talk to yourself. “What do you need me for?”

“Sorry. It’s… we need to fix the head of the… what was it?”

“The remote radio head!” Robin calls out from a distance.

“Yeah, remote radio head. I tried to get Henderson’s help, but once again, all I got was a snarky comment and a huge chunk of teenage attitude.”

“Okay, meet me at the radio tower. I’ll head over now.”

You stop your car behind a familiar one, glancing out of the window at the four people in the distance. You suck in a breath. Part of you was really hoping Jonathan and Nancy wouldn’t be here.

Not that you hated them. Of course you didn’t. They were your closest friends.

Who just happened to be having the most insane relationship problems that made you want to tear your hair out.

Jonathan is so selfish!

Nancy is too stubborn!

It was constant bickering on both ends, but never to each other. No, because that would lead to a hopefully healthy conversation about their current feelings, and they wouldn’t do that when their single best friend was a knock away and too good of a friend to not listen to their complaints.

Luckily, them being here together meant you weren’t hearing any comments on how annoying the other was being. But it would just be constant irritated glances meant for your eyes to see, and you weren’t in the mood to be reassuring any behaviour right now.

“There she is.” You hear Steve say as you climb out of the car, adjusting your jacket. The air was chilly, November weather biting at your neck.

You simply raise a hand in acknowledgment to the four patiently awaiting your arrival.

Steve does a quick glance over you as you join them, but it was nothing like anyone else would think. He was checking for signs that there wasn’t anything different about your walk or stance. His eyes soften when you look up at him. “So where’s this, uh…”

“Remote radio head.” Robin offers, hand immediately on your shoulder. Her levels of personal space lately were severely low.

“Yeah, radio head.”

“It’s right up…” You slowly raise your finger, dragging it up along the radio tower until you point right at the top, squinting against the morning sun. “There. Something probably came loose again. It's an easy fix.”

Robin tightens her lips, nodding. “So, I guess somebody’s gotta climb to the tippy top of this bad boy and…uh.” She starts making squeaking noises, acting out a ‘reconnection’, and you nod your head.

Nancy sends a hesitant look your way. “Without a harness or anything, it seems kinda dangerous.”

You go to speak when Steve beats you to it.

“AKA a job for good old Steve Harrington.” He says with a smirk and you fold your arms.

“Do you even know what you’re meant to be doing when you get up there?”

“Yeah.” He shrugs, “You know, just… what Robin said.”

“You mean the…” You imitate her earlier expression.

“Yeah, that.”

“Okay no, I can do it.” You roll your eyes, peering up at it. “I’ve done it before-”

“What? No. You’re not climbing that thing.”

“I’ve done it before.” You reiterate. “Remember? Last December when the wind knocked it too hard and Robin was crying over losing George Michael’s voice?”

“Okay, no need to bring that up.” She frowns defensively.

“Yeah, which you didn’t tell us you were doing.” Steve narrows his eyes, shaking his head at the memory, “Nearly gave me a damn heart attack.”

“But I didn’t die, did I?”

“But you could.”

Everyone goes silent, looking back and forth between you like they had so many questions yet knew all the answers at the same time. Steve’s words were far from being dramatic.

When the final gate closed, your heart had… it had almost stopped. The doctors couldn’t make anything of it, trying to find an explanation that didn’t really exist. At least, it didn’t exist to them. You knew it had something to do with Mind Flayer, the connection between you severing now the military had covered up almost all of the gates.

It made you much weaker than you should be, and your heart hadn’t fully recovered from it. Every now and then, the pain will creep back in, and you’ll collapse. Another hospital trip, another reason to feel completely and utterly useless.

“I, uh, I actually think this might be a better job for Jonathan Byers.” Jonathan suddenly interrupts the silence, moving the spotlight from you and taking his jacket off.

You raise your eyebrows and Nancy sends you a tired look.

Steve frowns at this, stepping beside him and shrugging his own jacket off. You immediately mouth ‘God help us’ to the girls, who agree and smile in amusement.

“I’m like a one quarter monkey, dude. I got this, Byers. Don’t sweat it.”

He then chucks it to your feet and you groan.

“It’s too early for this.” You pinch the bridge of your nose, sighing.

Somehow in the past year, the civil existence of Steve and Jonathan had slowly diminished back to their resurfaced feud from high school. It started when you first landed yourself in the hospital, both offering to help you home. Then when Nancy needed a ride after her car broke down, they both rushed to her aid.

They’ve been trying their hardest to show their importance to the group, to prove they’re the ‘man’. And the only way they’re seemingly able to do that is by bringing the other down a level.

Personally, you thought they were both embarrassing themselves.

While they were both brooding to each other, you nudged past them and briskly walked to the tower.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” Steve immediately calls out, attempting to pull you back.

“Relax.” You say, heading for the door instead.

“She’s turning off the voltage.” Robin points out as if it’s the most obvious thing ever. “Unless you wanna fry.”

“Yeah, I know.” He scoffs, following you inside, “I’m not an idiot.”

“Never said you were.” You frown, and he sighs, briefly gesturing to Robin’s silhouette in the distance.

You grab hold of the dial and watch the grey pointer as you turn it to zero, ensuring it shuts off completely.

The previous humming noise stops and you smile.

“There.” You announce, leaning back against the machine. “Now that pretty hair of yours won’t go up in flames.”

Steve nods, hands on his hips like they always are when he’s bothered by something.

“Anything else?” You raise an eyebrow, tilting your head.

He takes a quick glance back before stepping closer, lowering his voice.

“I just- I hope you know I don’t think you’re not capable of doing anything.”

You straighten up, arms falling to your side.

“I know-”

“No, I know how you think.” He says, and you suck in a breath. “I wouldn’t have called you if I didn’t think you were capable, you know? You’re, like, one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. I’m just… you’re not…”

“Well.” You finish for him, biting your lip. “I’m not well.”

He just stares at you, an empathetic look that should make you feel better but only ever makes you feel worse.

“You should probably start climbing before Jon beats you to it.” You point out, brushing past him as you walk back to where Robin and Nancy stood.

“Everything okay?” Nancy asks, the length of your absence noticeable.

“Is it ever?” You retort, noticing Jonathan was now stalking towards a ladder on the right side of the tower. “Oh, this is gonna be good.”

Steve finally leaves the control room to find the Byers boy was already five rungs up.

“Whoa, dude, what are you doing?”

“I got this, dude, don’t sweat it.” Jonathan says, turning back to climb.

“Son of a…” Steve mutters as he races for the left side of the tower, trying to match Jonathan’s position.

“Dude?” You repeat to your friends and Nancy scrunches her face.

“I honestly don’t know why we bring them with us sometimes.”

“Like we have a choice.” You say, folding your arms as you stare at the tower.

Robin looks up in a mix of amusement and disgust as the boys make their way up the ladders. Nancy turns around with a sigh, perturbed at the mere sight of them. You just shake your head.

“What is it about you two that brings out their inner Neanderthal?” Robin looks between you both.

“Don’t blame us, they were like this when we found them.” You say, and Nancy snickers.

Your eyes are averted from the train wreck of masculinity when a truck rolls into view, parking next to your car with enough force to make you wince. You really couldn’t afford a new car right now.

“I thought grocery delivery wasn’t until tomorrow.” Robin frowned.

“Me too.” Nancy says, sharing a look with you.

“Do we, uh, wait for them?” You risk a glance behind you. They were both near to the top now, matching each other’s movements.

“They clearly can handle it on their own.” Robin remarks with a smirk, and that was good enough for you.

“Hola, chicas!”

Murray firmly plants his boots into the dead grass, a bright smile on his face. You cock your head in amusement.

“Hey there, Austin.” You chuckle, noting the name badge sewn into his jacket.

“You like?” He adjusts his collar with a flourish.

Murray Bauman was yet another unlikely friendship you’ve made since the military quarantine shut you in. Since everyone was usually off trying to save the world, you were normally the one accepting the goods he had to bring. It had been awkward at first, assuming the difference in age would severely limit your conversation topics. But you both found common ground, sharing in the way you viewed the world, and the government for that matter. He was the only person who could truly understand how insane you felt any time you had gone against the military in an attempt to reveal their secrets because he’d been there before. Crazy until proven right.

“What have you got for us?” Robin asks with a smile.

Murray leads you to the back, sliding open the door and hopping on to grab the products.

“Santa’s brought a full sack today!” He announces, swinging it towards you and joining you back down on the earth. He starts pulling each one out individually.

“A fresh telemetry tag. Scarcer than hen’s teeth, these things.” He hands it to Robin, who simply nods along to his words.

He then grabs two cases, moving them to Nancy. “Enough bullets and shells for Hop to start a small war, if he should so choose.”

You peer over his shoulder to see a crate of… lettuce?

“Anyone order a salad?” Murray grins, digging further into the box and pulling out a weapon. “A grenade salad?”

He grins at the girls beside you, noting their lack of excitement at his joke.

“I hid the, uh, grenades under the.. lettuce.”

“I liked it.” You shrug and he beams at you.

“I knew you would.” His eyes light up. “Oh, and before I forget…”

He pulls a small brown package from a bag and offers it to you. You timidly smile at that, taking it from him with a small ‘thank you’. You notice the others’ curious stares, but you simply hold it in your hand as he continues his haul presentation.

“I’ve got… gatorade for El’s battery.” He continues, presenting a bottle.

“Someone say gatorade?” Jonathan rushes into view, Steve following shortly behind, both out of breath. Your lip quirks.

“Let me get one.” Steve pants, and Murray hands it over.

“Sure thing.” He reaches back as Steve gulps down the liquid, “But it’s not gonna go too well with peanut butter!”

“Boppers!” Steve laughs, catching them when they’re tossed over. “God, I missed these things. Thanks.”

Steve shakes the box in your face like a child on his birthday and you try not to laugh. He glances at the box in your hand. “What’s that?”

“Nothing.” You say, pocketing it quickly. Murray senses your tone and claps his hands together, cutting off Steve’s question.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Byers. I got you a present too.” Murray says with a smirk. He presents a tape, leaning forward. “I know you’re allergic to jazz, but just give it a whirl. I think you’ll find it quite… engaging.”

He winks and Jonathan snatches it out of Murray’s hand, trying to avoid everyone’s eyes.

You peer at the tape. “Coltrane?”

Jonathan just widens his eyes in a begging manner at you, making you shut your mouth tight with a small surrender of your hands.

“And for the station manager,” Murray taps Nancy on the head with some papers, “The reason for my premature delivery.”

Nancy sends a small glare his way for the whack before sorting through the papers. You all crowd around, intently looking over what seemed to be documents. Military documents.

“A burn?” Nancy reads, looking up at you all. “Tonight? But that’s-”

“Too soon, I know.” Murray nods. “Whatever they’re doing in the Upside Down evidently needs a serious injection of resources.”

“That’s a lot of cargo.” Robin comments as Nancy flicks through the pages.

“I figure a supply drop this big takes two hours, minimum.”

“Which gives Hopper plenty of time for a crawl.” Nancy states, her eyes suddenly finding yours. Her face drops a little, knowing you can’t do much for them.

“Maybe tonight’s the night we finally find that bastard and end this.” Murray suggests, eyes tracking over to you as your breath hitches.

“Let’s hope so.” You finally say, stepping away from the group. “Thanks for the presents, Murr.”

“Anytime, boo.” He nods, pulling his truck shut once again. “I’ll be heading off. Radio me when everything’s sorted.”

Nancy hums in agreement, watching him leave before turning to find that you’re not standing with them anymore. She makes a hesitant look at Steve, who was already shifting on his feet to go after you.

“I got it.” She announces, not giving the boy a chance to follow. “Y/n!”

Your hand is on your car door handle when she catches up, hands still clutching the files detailing every last provision the military are taking tonight.

“Hey, um, you should be there.” She says, smiling tightly. You knew she was trying to seem as casual as possible, scared you’d take it as her treating you like charity. “We’re gonna need an extra brain if we want a concrete plan in time.”

“Nance…” You sigh, hiding the way your hand shook by tucking it behind you. “You’re more than smart enough to make up for the both of us. I’ll just… I can keep doing what I’m doing, you know? A Hawkins look out. Just in case something happens.”

“Right.” She says, nodding slowly. “But-”

“I’m fine.” You say gently, looking back to where the two boys stood with frowns aimed in your direction, observing. “Tell them that, too, will you? They’re freaking me out with their pity.”

“Men.” Nancy rolls her eyes sarcastically and you laugh, giving her a quick hug. “You’re more than strong enough for us, Y/n, you know that, right?”

“Trying to.” You say with a fallen smile, another farewell as you climb into your car and start the engine, watching Nancy return to the others.

You weren’t isolating yourself. Or, at least, you weren’t trying to. You just knew how low your physical capability was these days. And the fear of getting too close to a gate again…

It was better to man the fort. Even if it didn’t provide anything.

Your stereo automatically switches on when you’re about halfway to the hospital, the familiar sounds of Robin Buckley blaring from your dashboard.

“Hey there, friends, this is Rockin' Robin. Sorry about the abrupt departure. I hope you survived without me. We had some annoying technical difficulties. *smashing glass* *baby crying* But thanks to our brilliant friend and her even more brilliant mind, we’re up and running once again. To make it up to you, we have a very special treat that’s sure to turn your day upside down…”

You switch off the stereo, taking a breath. Why couldn’t you be useful?

18 months. For over a year your sister has been led in this bed, red hair braided, limbs limp. And you couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

Before the military had successfully covered the gates, you were summoning what you could of the Mind Flayer to you every single day. You sat by Max’s bed, you used every inch of your being to force the Mind Flayer to help her like it helped you and Eddie. But rather than listen, it… hovered. It made you angrier than anything. What good was this ability if it didn’t listen?

You should never have let her go into that attic. No amount of Kate Bush replays was going to soften the excruciating guilt you felt every time you held her cold hand.

Lucas usually joined you on your visits. Most of the time, he was already here before you arrived. If anyone were to feel the gut-wrenching weight of losing someone, it was him.

You hadn’t been there when it happened. You were too busy dealing with your own death, it seemed. Except only one of you made it out.

To witness that… You made sure Lucas knew he wasn’t alone.

And you never showed anything other than hope. Not when it meant the difference between happiness and losing your sister forever.

When you eventually left Max’s side, you continued with your usual routine. You head down to the first floor, patiently waiting by the reception desk until a familiar face greets you.

“Y/n, how lovely to see you.”

“Hi, Doris.” You smile, leaning against the counter. “Here for my check-up.”

Doris nods, punching a few keys before a small frown pulls her eyebrows together. “I’m sorry, hon, it doesn’t look like I’ve got anyone available for you right now. It’ll be about 20 minutes.”

You bite your bottom lip, nodding slowly. “Oh, okay. Um, that’s fine, I can just come back tomorrow-”

“Y/n, hey!”

You turn around to see Vickie Dunne approaching, looking especially cheery in her pink and white stripes.

“Hi, Vic.” You grin, noting the way she was looking between you and Doris. “Oh, I’m meant to be getting a check-up, but there isn’t anyone available-”

“I can do it.” Vickie offers instantly, nodding. “Yeah, we’ve got a room open. If you want to.”

“Um… sure.” You say, thanking Doris as you follow the girl down the halls.

Ever since Vickie and Robin had started dating, she’s become a regular part of your life. You and Steve were the only ones aware of their relationship, and they were so good together. Vickie was funny, and smart, and had no issue accepting you and Steve came with Robin like a packaged deal.

Even now, as she checks your blood pressure and listens to your horrifically unsettled heartbeat, she is chatting about her date with Robin, how excited she was to finally take the public leap, even if everyone would assume they were just there as friends. You politely nodded, but you couldn’t help your mind wander with the cool touch of a stethoscope, chest tightening with anxiety. Vickie assured you everything was looking fine, but you knew it wasn’t. Not really.

She couldn’t see the knots that were tying together like a noose around your neck, a reminder of what you could only assume your fate was going to be. A sickness no one could explain, plaguing your entire body. You could collapse right now, and there wouldn’t have even been any warning.

It was especially terrifying when you returned home, the door creaking open and echoing through the deserted hallways. The thought of death seemed to linger with you wherever you went. When would your next chest pain be the last thing you feel?

You kick your shoes off and look up at the clock, eyes briefly catching the portrait below of you and Jack.

The kids would be out of school by now, probably going home to their families, eating a good meal before joining the others at The Squawk.

And you were here, shivering in the empty house like the air was haunting you.

While Jonathan was a permanent addition, it wasn’t as if he spent all his time here. Sometimes he’d stay in the Wheeler basement with his brother, or spend the night with Nancy after the Crawls. He lived here, but he had other people to care for. And it made it pretty lonely.

Your friends stayed over sometimes to fill the void of your loneliness. Steve, most of all. But you knew he was just scared to leave you alone for too long. Like you were fragile goods that wanted to break. He always took on your burdens as his own, much like those of his other friends. You appreciated him more than you could ever say.

Neither of you had spoken about the promise you made 18 months ago. Your sister was in a coma, and you were ill. Steve spent practically every second dedicating himself to the crawls. When he wasn’t, he was at The Squawk with Robin, or led beside you in your bed with a quiet exposition any time a Crawl was over and they still hadn’t found Vecna.

“Then what now?” You ask, bringing your clasped hands to rest just below your chin and he leans in, forehead against yours. “There’s so much going on right now. I mean, from the curses to the exes, how do I even- I don’t know how much I can deal with right now.”

“We wait.” He finally suggests and you pull back to look at him, “We kill Vecna, we save Hawkins, again, and… we see where it leads us.”

“So… we’re friends. For now.” You add with a smile and he grins at you.

“For now.” He nods. The look he gave you set butterflies in your chest. Not the fluttering mess of it all, but rather a beautiful warmth of wings around your heart.

You and Steve were never going to be anything until you knew everyone was safe. But it didn’t mean you were nothing. You still searched for his hand in the night when your dreams felt too real. He always found you in a crowded room, arm brushing against yours for comfort when everything felt too much. The love was still there, it was just… patient, this time.

Nancy slept over when the madness of her own house took over, often appearing at your door in the middle of the night in her pink pyjamas with a pillow tucked beneath her arm. You never felt burdened by that. Actually, it was kinda nice. It was like the sleepovers you so missed, gossiping and giggling over everything and nothing. Like the teenage years you lost to the threat of danger and death were slowly being reclaimed with each chic flick and nail polish stroke.

The Party hadn’t spent as much time here lately as they did when the quarantine first fell into place. It used to be much more lively, the boys running in and out of the kitchen taking full advantage of your offer to ‘help themselves’ while you were out. You never got annoyed at how loud they were, or scoffed at their attempts for a DnD game amongst the chaos outside your windows. You wanted them to be kids. Even if the shadow of everything still loomed above them. Now… now they weren’t really kids anymore. They lost that spark around the 8 month mark.

Robin and Vickie had taken your offer on meeting here whenever it was free. You’re convinced your living room was half the reason they fell in love, really. The quietness of it, not having to fear unwanted eyes branding them as pariahs. Even with the fear of being outed, that was enough for them. They just wanted each other, and god, Robin deserved every butterfly in her chest.

You appreciated how safe people felt here, even if you couldn’t quite find the comfort in it yourself.

Right now, you were shrugging off your jacket and flopping back into your bed, sighing. Maybe you should have taken the offers presented to you. The kids always wanted your input, reminiscent of the days you’d be right by their side like a guardian. And your friends… they knew you weren’t well. Everyone did. But they didn’t want you to feel left out, and that was enough to keep every bad thought in your head at bay, knowing they cared for you.

Your walkman had found its way over to you, headphones slipped over your ears as you rested against your pillow. One breath in, one breath out.

And you drifted off for a while, music wrapped around you like a blanket.

Knock, knock.

Your eyes fly open, a frown denting your forehead.

Knock, knock.

You hesitantly sit up, freeing one ear and listening out once again. The noise had felt too close to be coming from your front door.

Knock.

The window.

You shrug the headphones off, resting them around your neck, walkman strapped to your side. You kept eyes on the window, hand brushing against the bat that rested against the wall beside it. Taking a breath, you grab hold of the curtain, throwing it open.

A pair of eyes are staring at you, and you almost scream.

“Jesus.” You breathe, dropping your shoulders.

You unlock it and slide it open, shaking your head. “Steve?”

“Oh, hey.” Steve grins, crouched outside your window, elbow resting on his thigh. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“What the hell are you doing?” You ask, but there was a laugh on your lips as you step aside and watch him gracefully clamber into your room. “I have a front door, you know.”

“What’s the fun in that?” He retorts, running a hand through his hair as he takes a breath. “Gotta say, thought that would be easier than it was.”

“We’re not 16 anymore.” You point out, gently sliding the window back down, just enough to block the chill of the air. “What are you doing here?”

“Just saying hi.” He shrugs, fingers fiddling with the assorted items on your desk.

You watch how he studies a few of your notebooks intently, and you feel a tightness in your chest when he picks up the red one. His eyebrow perks at your writing, shoulders stiff.

“Are you still…” He looks back at your guilty expression, biting his tongue. He snaps the book shut.

There wasn’t a lot you could do when you were confined to your room on nights like this. So, you kept an ear on the radio broadcasts. Whether it was your friends voices, or an alternate frequency altogether. Military frequency. It was always risky to do it, especially since they’ve had their eye on you for about a year now.

But it was the only hope you had left of finding Eddie.

“Steve.” You softly say, taking the book from his hand and throwing it back on your bed. You wanted to ignore the way he looked at you. You hadn’t told him you were still searching for Eddie, especially since the last time almost got you arrested for good. “Why are you here?”

He looks indecisive, not sure if he should be moving on from what he just found. But instead, he lowers his head and reaches for your hand. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

You smile at that, shrugging. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Y/n.” He whispers now, squeezing your hand. You knew he wasn’t asking about your absence at the meeting.

“I’m fine.” You nod, both hands clasping around his, trying to make him believe. “My chest feels normal, I did a quick check up with Vickie when I was visiting Max, and everything’s looking good.”

“Any tremors?”

“Nope.”

“Headaches?”

“Only from these conversations.”

“No fainting?”

“None.” You promise, and he finally sighs. “You don’t have to keep asking. I’d tell you if something was wrong.”

“I know.” He smiles then, shaking his head. “Anyway, we, uh, we missed you. At the meeting. Nance has a… well, she has a plan.”

“Let me guess, you don’t like it.”

“It’s- it’s a good plan. Safe. Very safe.”

You tilt your head as you perch on the edge of the bed now, watching him fiddle with your camera. “You think it’s too safe.”

“Yeah.” He sets the camera back down and plops down next to you, groaning. “I get it. We’ve got a grid, we need to eliminate everything, but I know he’s not grocery shopping down there, how do we even know he’s still-”

“He’s alive.” You say, shivering. Steve frowns. “I know he is. And you’re right, he’s not gonna be hiding out in some supermarket, but he’s tricked us before. It’s going to take a long time, but we need to be safe about it. We’re not the only ones down there anymore. One screw up, and the military is gonna snatch us up and boot us out.”

He takes in your words, hand covering his mouth as he leans forward.

“You’re right.” He eventually sighs. He watches the smile grace your features. “This is why I need you at those meetings.”

“My ideas aren’t any different from Nancy’s.” You chuckle, and he shakes his head.

“No, but you’re good at… that.” He gestures to all of you, making you laugh. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, Nance is most definitely level-headed and capable of explaining herself, but I know she’s doing everything out of fear of what that fucked up mind wizard planted in her head. We just… we need you with us. Another brain to tell us if we’re doing things right or just acting on emotion.”

“You don’t need me for that, Steve.”

“Are you kidding me? We always need you. And what about all those ideas? You’re the one who suggested Hopper and El use the tunnels in the first place. And suggested we take over The Squawk so we could communicate with each other. Why do you think you aren’t helpful to us?”

“Because that’s all I am, right now. Just a few ideas and an extra head to nod along to whatever’s being said.” You watch his face drop, sighing. “I'm never doing any of it. You're the ones who are out there actually trying to save Hawkins and I'm..."

You lower your head onto his shoulder and his hand instinctively grabs onto yours.

"I'm sitting in my room... waiting for you all to save Hawkins."

Steve left after a little while to begin tonight’s Crawl, promising he’ll be back later to update you. Not that you needed one. They wouldn’t find Vecna, that you knew for sure.

“Do you even know how old your daughter is?!”

The crack in the window let slip Karen’s distraught voice from next door, making you sigh. It was hardly the first time the parents were arguing, but you knew that meant a young girl would be hanging on to their every word, as she always did.

And you’d be a pretty shit babysitter if you didn’t at least try to make it better for her.

You take a random hardback from your bookcase and quickly wander to their porch, knocking politely.

Karen answers, sighing. “Oh, hi sweetie.”

“Hey, Mrs Wheeler.”

“Karen, honey.” She reminds you with a knowing smile, but you can see the redness in her eyes. “What brings you by?”

You hold up a book in your hand, nodding to the stairs behind her. “I promised Holly I’d let her borrow my book when I was done reading. If it’s a bad time, though, I can-”

“No, no, of course not.” She ushers you inside, pretending like her fight with her husband didn’t happen. “I was just about to draw myself a bath.”

“I can give it to her.” You say, “I always enjoy our little talks.”

She smiles genuinely at this, her chest rising and falling with some kind of relief. “Okay. Did you want some food? We’ve got leftovers.”

“I’m okay, but thank you.”

She gives you a wink before disappearing into the kitchen.

You catch sight of Ted at the dining room table, head in his hands as Karen walks past him. If you were ever to get married, you prayed it was for love.

Holly’s room had been left open a small gap, reminding you slightly of El. It makes your chest tighten slightly. You haven’t seen her in months, maybe. With the military constantly on your tail after your stupid threat to Dr. Kay, you couldn’t risk meeting her. The last time you saw her was at a Crawl meeting, and she was so happy to see you. Losing Max meant losing her best friend, and knowing she was having to hide made staying away all that more painful.

You gently knock. “Hey, it’s Y/n. Can I come in?”

There’s a quiet shuffle from the other side until it swings open completely, Holly’s red eyes avoiding yours.

You place the book on her nightstand, letting her close the door behind you and sitting beside you on her bed.

“How are you feeling?” You ask, and Holly shrugs, fiddling with her necklace. “Sometimes parents fight, you know? And it’s never your fault.”

“It is this time.” She says quietly, eyeing the book she had been reading, A Wrinkle In Time. “I got in trouble at school.”

“Really?” You frown. Holly was far from being a trouble-maker.

“They saw me talking to my friend.” She admits, head low. You look confused, and she sighs. “My… imaginary… friend.”

“Oh.” You say, nodding slowly. “Let me guess, they think you’re too old to have imaginary friends?”

Holly just nods and you nudge her shoulder.

“He doesn’t feel imaginary.” She wipes her eyes. “I just hate that it makes them fight.”

“That’s not your fault, Holly.”

“Nancy and Mike are never here, either.” She says, sniffling. “It’s always just me. Maybe they just don’t want to hang out with me.”

“Who? Your siblings?” You frown, and she nods sadly. “Holly, I know for a fact that they both love you so much. So do your parents. Anything that is happening, is certainly not because of you, okay? Nancy tells me how incredible you are all the time, and Mike definitely doesn’t shut up about how cool his little sister is.”

“Really?” She starts to smile, staring down at the small figure on her necklace, and you nod.

“Yep. They’re just… busy.” You sigh, looking at the alarm clock beside her bed. You needed to get back home soon, before the Crawl started without you. “And you know you can always talk to me, right? I might not have the teenage angst that Mike has, but I’m happy to fill in.”

She giggles at that, nodding. “Okay.”

“Great.” You grin at her, standing up. “I’ve got some work to do, but remember, I’m just next door, alright?”

Holly smiles up at you, settling back into her bed. “Thank you for the book.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” You say, letting the door close behind you as you creep back down the stairs. The bathroom across the hall was faint with the sounds of running water, and Ted was nowhere to be seen.

You hoped you helped Holly feel a little lighter with the weight of everything. There wasn’t much you could do when your parents fought when you were younger. All you knew was that you had to protect your sister from it.

Back in your room, you rush to the radio system set up in the corner, finding the right frequency. Since you couldn’t join them, you were tasked with listening to the broadcasts, just in case the military changed their plans last minute or were about to catch onto Hopper’s presence in the Upside Down. Mostly, though, it was to soothe your own mind, make sure they were all okay.

Prepared for the usual silence broken apart by your friend's quick instructions, you grab your red notebook from the bed and lean back in your chair, flicking through. You might as well try to connect some dots on Eddie’s whereabouts while you wait.

But the broadcast wasn’t silent.

There was a faint sound of chittering, the kind that usually haunted your dreams.

Then, screeches. Gunfire.

Men crying out.

You’re on your feet before you have time to think. What the hell were you supposed to do?

You scramble to find your walkie, needing confirmation from your friends that they were okay. That Hopper was okay.

You find it at the edge of your bed. Alongside a shadow, hovering above it…

The Mind Flayer, or a small part of it, had slipped through the crack in your window. It just floated above your bed, feeling like it was staring at you.

It wasn’t as if this has never happened before. When the gates were still open, you were summoning it all the time to try and save Max. But this… this is different. This time, you’re scared.

The radio behind you suddenly cuts off into static, and your blood runs cold.

“What do you want?” You shakily ask the black dust. It doesn’t speak. It never does.

Not out loud.

it’s time

Your hip crashes into your desk when you hear a voice in your head. It’s not Vecna’s, it’s the same one you heard at the graveyard, right before your body felt like it caught on fire.

And now, as you stare at the void of dark particles, you start to understand what that voice truly was.

It was always the Mind Flayer.

The lights start flickering wildly, goosebumps lining your skin.

stay

You frown at its order, hand gripping the edge of the desk tightly like you were readying yourself for an attack.

Then you heard it; a scream.

Your heart sinks.

Holly.

Chapter Two: Hell of a Fight ->

[A/N: the next chapter is absolutely insane...]

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