#rafeyel

It’s unbelievable how quickly your life has changed in just a few short months. Of course, you have to give credit where credit is due. Sylus coming into your life was the catalyst for everything. Your motivation was at an all time high, you’re working harder, taking better care of yourself and being more honest with what you want in life. When Sylus asked to be your boyfriend, it was the loudest “God please yes!” you’ve ever uttered. 

Your hard work was paying off too, literally. A promotion to a senior position meant you could finally move out of the rundown apartment. Sylus went apartment shopping with you and the conversation about moving in together surfaced. You didn’t want to rush anything, it had only been a few weeks since the two of you were official. He didn’t push the subject, but made sure his intentions were clear. He wanted to be with you. Long term. 

A simple discussion turned into your first minor argument with Sylus. He was suggesting you quit your secondary job as a bodyguard since you make more than enough money after the promotion. You’d grown close to your employer, who you now consider a friend. Rafayel wasn’t really in need of a bodyguard, you were more of a companion or maybe a voice of reason. Sylus had met Rafayel a few times and they seemed to get along fine, you’re not sure what brought on the conversation in the first place. 

“He’s more than just my boss, he’s a friend! I don’t want to just abandon him!”

“What about what you need? If you’re not on a mission, you’re running errands for him or dragging him to his own gallery events. You’ve been working so much I’m starting to worry…”

“Are you worried I’m working too much or upset that I'm not spending more time with you?”

“Sweetie…”

His tone was a warning, you know he isn’t that kind of guy. He’s a busy man himself, it’s not fair to accuse him of such things. He walks over to his dresser to remove his cufflinks and necklaces, giving you time to think. You lay back and cover your eyes with your arm. You never fight with him - well, never for real… You both loved to tease and provoke, but never in a way that caused permanent damage to the other person. The bed sinks beside you and you feel Sylus’s arms around you, pulling you to lay on top of him. 

“I just don’t want you to overwork yourself, that’s it. I’m sorry if it came across like –”

“No… no, I’m sorry. I… you’re right. I don’t want to overdo it. I’ll talk to him.”

You finally had your chance to have that discussion with Rafayel a week later. While he was reluctant to help you move into your new apartment, when you mentioned needing help decorating he was suddenly very interested. You asked him to paint one of the walls in your bedroom, a deep red that faded to a light pink towards the ceiling. While he painted, you worked on putting together your new furniture. 

“It’s just a side table, why is this so complicated?!”

Rafayel chuckles and you look over your shoulder to give him the meanest stink eye possible. He points to the instructions. 

“Maybe because the instructions are in Swedish. That might have something to do with it.”

You hold up the instructions and flip the page back and forth, if Google translate couldn’t make this task manageable you’re not sure what will. You’ll try again one more time, after that, you’ll take Sylus up on the offer to hire someone to put it all together. 

“So, when you asked if I’d help today, you told me you wanted to discuss something with me, remember?”

You hum, looking up to see Rafayel’s brush sweep across the wall in delicate strokes. 

“And you mentioned you wanted to discuss something as well?”

He hums and you roll your eyes. He looks over his shoulder with a smile. 

“Who should go first?”

“Uhm… you. You go first.”

He winks and turns back to the wall, you can feel your heart pounding with anticipation. 

“Okay then. Cutie, I have a problem I need your help with.”

“Okay, sure.”

You focus on the table in front of you, carefully unscrewing screws and setting each piece aside. He clears his throat and you can feel the energy in the room shift. 

“I guess it’s more like… I need your advice.”

The steady wisp of the brush strokes slows for a moment.

“Things have… changed in my life recently. Thomas is accepting more commissions for me and is planning an international art tour for this summer. He’s considering hiring an assistant to help with the logistics.”

Your stomach drops at the thought of Rafayel’s schedule getting busier right as you’re about to quit. A familiar twinge of guilt settles as you try to stay focused on the conversation.

“He passed me the resumes and I know one of the girls applying. We… uhh… well, we have a history.”

“Oh! Good or bad?”

“She was a huge part of my life not too long ago. I even considered her my muse.”

“Really? What happened?”

He sighs, you look over your shoulder and watch as his brush strokes slow.

“She found someone else, before…”

The brush stops. You set down the screwdriver and turn to face him.

“Before what… Raf?

He carefully turns around to look down at you from his perch on top of the ladder. He spins the brush between his fingers.

“Before I got a chance to tell her how I felt about her.” 

You almost gasp, Rafayel has never mentioned anyone he’s had feelings for. You always assumed he was single by choice, with the whole “tortured artist” thing.

“I try not to have any regrets, but with her… I want to know what you would do.”

“What do you mean?”

“If you were in love with someone and never told them? If you lay awake at night, thinking about them. Thinking about how you missed your chance. What would you do? Would you tell them?”

You pick at the frayed fabric along the hem of your jeans. He climbs down the ladder and sits on the floor in front of you.

“I think… I think I would. You can’t control their response, there’s no guarantee they’ll leave their relationship for you, but…”

Leaning back on your hands, you meet his eye. He leans forward, resting his forearms on his knees. You can tell his cheeks and ears are flushed pink, he must be nervous talking about this.

“But if you want to live without regrets, you have to be honest. Who knows, maybe she feels the same way? You won’t know unless you talk to her.”

He offers a small smile and then surprises you. He leans forward and takes your hand in his.

“I’m sorry.”

“What…?”

“I lied about the application. Not about the girl though.”

“Oh. Uhh… okay. Do you –”

“It’s you.”

You blink. You blink again. Your brain tries to catch up but fails miserably. After a moment of silence, Rafayel chuckles and slides closer to you, resting his hands on your knees.

“My deepest regret is not telling you how much you mean to me. I kick myself for letting you slip away. My muse, my heart. How could I have been so foolish?”

Your hands shake and your eyes water. Of all the things you expected from today, this was certainly not one of them. Rafayel tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and traces your jaw with his finger.

“That I let the woman I am madly, hopelessly, desperately in love with fall into the arms of another man. I’ll never forgive myself.”

Goosebumps scatter across your skin, you’re suddenly aware of every breath and every tiny movement. Rafayel’s eyes sparkle in the rays of sunlight spilling in through the windows. Maybe it’s the pink paint on the wall behind him, but his eyes nearly glow, the dusty pink hue brighter than ever. You watch his lips as he speaks, like he’s casting a spell using a sweet melody. 

“Your presence, your essence, fills me with a joy I’ve never known. I should have told you ages ago. How you gave me purpose, your spark ignited a fire within me that burns brighter than any sun. I want to give you the world, cutie. Let me give you the world… my love.”

His words are dripping in honey, sweet and thick and intoxicating. Your heart aches at the thought of his love being so all encompassing. But then again… you feel the same about Sylus. Rafayel leans in, his finger tipping your chin up to line up his lips with yours, you press your palms to his chest.

“Rafayel… I –”

He sits back, still holding your chin, his thumb stroking your jaw. 

“You don’t love him, do you?” 

Your eyes water, the last thing you want is for Rafayel to feel abandoned, but this is all wrong. If you had kissed Rafayel you would have hated yourself. Sylus has been nothing but loving and supportive and here you are letting another man caress your face and confess his undying love for you? Your feelings start to boil over, tears streaming down your cheeks as your hands shake. You stand suddenly, taking a step back from Rafayel.

“I… I don’t know. I can’t… I…”

Your phone dings and you look down to see a message from Sylus. When you look up, Rafayel is shrugging on his jacket. He looks utterly defeated, he nods to you and leaves the apartment. He leaves you alone with your thoughts. Your thoughts about Rafayel and Sylus and feelings you’ve never had to dig into until today. How did you end up here? And what will Sylus say?

Word Count: 1,655

AN #2: Fun fact, this actually happened to me in an RP scenario a few years ago and BOY HOWDY it caused some drama. I was young and dumb and didn’t know how to RP it out, but now? Now I get to rewrite the story for a better ending.  Also, I barely edited this cause I haven't slept much but I am aching to write.