#radleytask

Ro,

I know we haven’t had many opportunities to talk since you got back. I hope that will change in the new year :) I miss you and I hope that you have a wonderful Christmas! You deserve the world. You always have and you always will. Thank you for being my friend.

Love, 

1. What is your full name?

Olivia Grace Brookes

2. Where were you born?

Anchorage, Alaska.

3. Who are/were your parents? 

Journey Brookes (Mother) - An uptight bitch (but i love her) who won't let me care for my own child yet. No one important.

Jason Brookes (stepfather) - Also an uptight bitch who agrees with my mother. No one important.

4. Do you have any siblings?  What are/were they like?

I'm the only child.

5. What is your occupation?

I am a model, more practice than a profession at the moment.

6. Write a full physical description of yourself.  You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.

I am 5"0, a very short gal I know. I have brunette hair and chocolate brown eyes, I love my eyes the most out of every feature I have. I weigh 104 pounds, it is very hard for me to gain weight, I can't help how tiny I am. I am into pastel clothing style and I have a birth mark shaped like a beautiful bird on my right hip.

7. To which social class do you belong?

Very high middle class, if anything low high class.

8. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

I was diagnosed with depression.

9. Are you right- or left-handed?

Left handed.

10. What does your voice sound like?

Only when I sing.

11. What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?

Baby love. c:

13. What do you have in your pockets?

My pain pills.

Part 2: Growing Up

14. How would you describe your childhood in general?

It was great up until one point.

15. What is your earliest memory?

I remember my birth father holding me as a small child, he used to love me like a father should.

16. How much schooling have you had?

I've been through Elementary, Middle, an High school. In the act of College.

17. Did you enjoy school?

Not really. But it was that bad.

18. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

I'm not sure, I guess I taught myself.

19. While growing up, did you have any role models?  If so, describe them.

 Audrey Hepburn, always and forever. She's so classy it kills me.

Part 3: Past Influences

20. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

The birth of my wonderful daughter.

21. Who has had the most influence on you?

My daughter.

23. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Again.. my daughter.

24. What is your greatest regret?

Trusting.

25. Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

Nope.

26. What is your best memory?

Mother daughter days with my mother.

Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions

27. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

Neither, or both?

28. What is your greatest fear?

Being alone.

29. What are your religious views?

I was raised a Christian, but I have my doubts here and there.

30. What are your views on sex?

Sex is an uncomfortable subject.

31. Are you able to kill?  Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?

If anyone hurts my daughter, that automatically makes it moral for me to kill you.

32. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?

Break their heart, and leave like nothing ever meant anything to them.

33. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?

I believe in true love, and soul mates. Find them is the hard part... and keeping them is even harder.

34. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?

I will tell you what you need to know, and keep from you what has nothing to do with you.

Part 5: Relationships With Others

35. Do you have a spouse or significant other?  If so, describe this person.

I think I have a significant other? We haven't talked lately.. it's been a long while but I have never felt so happy when he's around, and he hasn't been around lately. Gavin.. I love him, I know this for sure.

36. Have you ever been in love?  If so, describe what happened.

No, but I am feeling something I have never felt before with Gavin, so I believe I am falling in love as I speak.

37. What do you look for in a potential lover?

As long as you treat me and my daughter with respect and love us endlessly, what else could I ask for?

38. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

My aunt, she's always there and isn't as judgmental as my mother.

39. Do you trust anyone to protect you?  Who, and why?

       Until then, let’s continue our movie nights, and I promise to clear my schedule so we can hang out and end up trashing the whole boat. Thank god you didn’t turn out to be one of those roommates who is a bitch or wets their bed.

             It’s sad to say that after all these years you’re still my ‘crush’. It’s pathetic, really, that after everything you’ve done to me, you still have my heart in the palms of your hands. I thought maybe leaving you behind, I would be able to forget you and everything that you’ve put me through, but it’s stupid how I can’t. You still have me wrapped around your little fingers, and you don’t even know it.

How is heaven? Is it beautiful? Is the sun really always shining there? Do you have wings? I bet you have the prettiest wings of all. I hope all the angels are being nice and sharing their pudding with you or I’ll have to raise hell when I get there. Ha, hell, get it? I’m hilarious, I know. But I also know how much you love your chocolate pudding so warn those Angels. Is God nice? Tell him I said hi and I'm sorry. Maybe him and I should have a talk one day. Nah, that probably would be unwanted.

School is okay. It's a graduate program so it's kind of like doing nothing to build everything, to be honest. I don't hate it but I don't enjoy it either. Did you ever go back to being a Pediatrician once you got to heaven? I bet all the baby Angels love you. And I know you love them. Just don't replace me, okay? Dad either. He misses you. I know he does because sometimes he'll comment on how I look just like you and leave the room. Like he can't stand the thought of not being able to tell you. And I understand. I understand the pain because we both feel your absence everyday. However, I'd be lying if I said I didn't take the compliment. You guys did succeed in making one good looking child, if I do say so myself.

Can I be completely honest with you mom? I don't know how much longer I can go on. I know I promised you and dad numerous times that I wouldn't do anything more stupid than my whole life has been. That I'd call if I ever needed help but how much more does a person have to take before they realize enough is enough? Besides, I'm sure I won't be missed all that much. Everyone leaves eventually. Maybe it's my time to bow out finally. I'm pretty sure people are waiting for it anyway. How did you know it was time to leave?

I miss you. I miss you so much that it hurts some days. And I know that you aren't going to be happy as you read this. Over my shoulder no doubt. Hi, mom. I know that if you were here you'd tell me to Just Keep Swimming. Do you remember that? When you used to come to my swim meets and shout that at the top of your lungs? Good times, my good luck charm. Anyway, I know that my thoughts would make you unhappy and so would my reckless decisions but I don't know what else to do or say anymore. And I'm trying to be a better person but I think I fucked up so much, sorry Jesus, that it's impossible for me to change. I just wish you were here because I could use your guidance right about now. Just point me in the right direction, please.

I'm so lost between telling you everything and nothing at all. I want to be honest with you but at the same time I want you to be proud of me. I want you to look down at me from heaven, nudge your angel friends and tell them 'look you see that man? Yeah, he's my son and I'm so proud.' I want you to have a reason to make them jealous. And I know that you see what I do anyway. And I know that you aren't happy with it but -- I'm sorry. There is no but. No excuse for myself and my actions. You and dad taught me better than that. Raised me better than what I've shown to everyone else. But I just can't help it. Ever since you left I've been unable to find a path that would make you proud of me. And I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for it all. I know I promised you better and have failed to deliver. I hope you still love me.

Maybe I should end this on a positive note. And my pen is soon to run out of ink anyway and I'd be rather displeased with a letter less than perfect to you. So here's a walk down memory lane. Do you remember that time that you took me to the beach and I ran off without sunscreen? You told me I'd turn into a lobster if I didn't get over there and put some sunscreen on. I ignored you. Then at the end of the day you took me home and all I could do was cry because I was red and everything hurt. Because I was a lobster like you had said and I was so angry that you had been right and that I hadn't listened. I remember how you left me sleeping in bed with dad the next day and got up real early. I rolled over and asked where you were going and if I could come. You kissed me and told me to go back to bed and that you'd see my later. And then later on that day you come back and you're as red a tomato. You stood out in the sun all day without sunscreen on so you could be a lobster with me. That's when I knew I had the best mom in the world and I still do. You'll always be my lobster.

I love you. And I hope that I can find the strength in me to make you proud.

Your handsomely disastrous son,

That was one was a hoot and holler to write out. How hard would you have laughed had I put my dearest Abigale? You said you’d never leave me. You left. And I really wish there was more I could say. I hope that you’re somewhere, and you’re happy. I wish that I could say I’m happy too but the truth is, I’m a fucking mess. Especially without you. I wake up everyday and reach for you. Then it takes all my strength not to break down when I realize you aren’t there. But I can’t be mad at you. I could never be mad at you. I just wish you would have said bye.

Anyway, let me stop acting like a little girl right now. I’m sure you’ll laugh at me when you read this. If you ever get it since I don’t know where you are. Ever since everything that happened with your sister, my hearts been acting up. I think I’m dying. And is it bad to say that that’s the only thing that keeps me going these days? Maybe I’ll see my mom soon. Maybe I’ll stop being a burden on every person I come across. Maybe, just maybe I’ll finally find happiness and peace within myself. Who am I kidding? And why I am writing this? This wasn’t meant to be a pity party about me. Get over yourself, Aiden.

I watched porn for the first time without you last night. It wasn't the same without you by side to laugh at the cheesiness of it all. Some people really need to learn what a shaver is. I don't think anyone will ever quite get my sense of humor the way that you do. Are you still drawing? I hope so because you are the best artist I've ever met in my life. Draw a self portrait of yourself and send it to me, please. That way I can wake up to your face some way. Does that sound creepy? It sounds creepy, doesn't it? If you do yours, I'll do mine.

Thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and showing me what a true friendship is. Thank you for all the laughs, joy and happiness you've caused in my life. Thank you for listening, understanding and supporting me every step of the way. Thank you for being you. And even if you didn't stay long, I will cherish every single second of every memory as long as I shall live. You will remain the most important part of my heart, always. I've never had a friend like you, Abigale Prescott. And I'd never want to replace you. If you do ever decide to come back then that place in my bed will always be yours.

I miss you. I miss you day and night. Every second of every day. You were are my best friend. And on levels I guess we both never quite comprehended, my soulmate as well. The only person I’ve ever told all my thoughts too and it hurts. It hurts so much to hold them in. How are you though? I was meant to ask that in the beginning of the letter. Wasn’t I? I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you I love you everyday. Or how special you are. I’m sorry if I neglected you when I went away. I’m just sorry. Please come back. I’ll get you the kitten and the pig. I won’t complain when you take my side of the bed. Just please— I need you. … I’m sorry.

I love you with all my fucked up heart. Wishing you all the happiness and success in the world.

Abdengale for life.

Aiden.

Hi. How are you? I hope you’re doing much better since the last I saw you. Life here at Radley isn’t the same without walking past the top deck everyday and seeing you sitting there. Life won’t ever be the same after that day.

Anyway, I’m writing this letter to see how you’re doing in life. I wanted to check up, unsure if a call would have been welcomed. Or even answered. I hope you’re doing well and so is your family. And I hope that you find strength in the fact that they love you despite what you might think. I hope that you aren’t frustrated with yourself anymore. And I hope you’re taking a lot of pictures. Hair blowing in the wind and all. I hope you’re smiling more and eating all the gummy bears in the world. Except for the red ones. Just save those for me and ship them here. Don’t go back into acting though. You’re amazing at it but it didn’t make you happy. Find what makes you happy and do it. If that’s running for president then you still have me as your campaign manager! Just do whatever makes you smile when you get up in the morning. I support it all.

I know I have no right to ask you for any favors but please take care of your sister for me? Hug her everyday. Kiss her everyday and make sure she feels the unconditional love that I know you hold for her. I miss you two much more than either of you can imagine. Please don’t ever stop being yourselves.

I love ya, Aurora, Katherine. Whoever you are. Stay safe.

Aiden.