#radiantbeam

Archer smirked. Rin had gotten used to this; Archer seemed to have no other expressions. Whether he was hitting on her at home, hitting on her at school, hitting on her in the middle of a battle (God, he really did hit on her a lot, didn’t he?), he always had the same insolent, lazy smirk. It suited his face, complimented his pretty-boy looks. GAAAAAAAAAAAAH! No! Bad thoughts! He does not in any way have the looks of a supermodel OH GOD I’M DOING IT AGAIN. “I like these streets at night. It’s quiet, charmingly quaint. Nothing like Babylon,” Archer mused. “More… intimate, if you take my meaning. We could do anything at all, and nobody would hear it.” “Has anyone ever told you you’re about as subtle as a brick to the face?” Rin muttered, turning to hide her blush. “Subtlety has its place, and that is not in the bedroom. A woman like you needs passion. Fire! A burning romance that will inspire poems and epics of years to come! And you know I’m the only man here who actually has those written already.” Archer purred. “I’mma deck you in a second here.” “See? Passionate. It’s one of the things I love most about you.” “Oh come on, we’ve only been together a week!” “I knew you were the girl for me by the first second, the first glance. And I take a certain pleasure in the fact you used the words ‘been together’ instead of ‘known each other’.” Archer said. Smirking. “You are insufferable.” Rin said. “I assume this to be a modern term meaning ‘awe-inspiring’.” “Honestly, worm. If the woman appeals to you so, just take her.” Archer smirked at this, of course, the sudden chill in the air from the imperious tone not bothering him at all. “Oh, my, Rin. It seems a boorish oaf has misinterpreted our romance for some simplistic rutting, and has decided he can give me… me!… an order. Shall I chastise him?” From atop the building, the man in gold stared down at the two. His eyes were as red as blood and as cold as ice, and he projected an aura of absolute contempt, as though he viewed Rin and Archer as something disgusting he had seen on his boot. “Hmph. Mongrel, do you speak of chastising your betters? Would an ant seek to chastise a hurricane? This is the difference between us.” “Hmph.” Archer said. “I suppose someone as who is as brutal and relentless with women as you would also be incapable of properly reading a situation. One of us is an insect, and one is a storm. But the one facing down a hurricane is you, animal.” “Hmph.” The Golden Knight said. “You have a spine, I suppose, but it doesn’t serve you well. To speak such to a king… such blasphemy is punishable by death, mongrel.” “Hmph.” Archer said. “Then you are the blasphemer, dog, for before you stands the king of kings, greatest ruler in the history of mankind.” The Golden Knight narrowed his eyes. “Hmph. Such gall… you seek only to compound your sins, vile animal! You dare cast your gaze upon the true King of Heroes, and yet have the boldness to make a claim such as this?!” “HMPH! To claim the title of King of Heroes, in front of the true bearer of it?!” Archer said. “Animal, a thousand deaths could not erase the atrocity you have committed!” Rin, watching from the sidelines, blinked a few times. “Um… you two look a lot alike.” “We do not!” Both men snapped. “Woman, do not speak unless spoken to! I will not be insulted so!” “Rin, do not demean me so! You know how much I value your goodwill, and to compare me to… to that! It’s unconscionable!” “So please do not compare me to that thing!” Both men finished in unison. The pause was long, and silent, and extremely awkward. “Well… you do.” Rin said. “And you act a lot alike too.” “We are nothing alike!” Both men snapped. “Hey! Cease stealing my Holy Words for use from your sickening, vile mouth, you mongrel/dog!” Rin did not say a word. “Get that smug look off your face, you little bitch! I do not tolerate insults from my lessers!” The Golden Knight roared. “Hey! She is a smug goddess!” Archer snapped. “You should be proud to be insulted by her! I dream each day of the sweet pain she might inflict on me!” “… Archer, now is really not the time for that talk!” Rin said hurriedly, blushing fire-truck red. “Sexual pain.” Archer clarified. “Goddammit, Archer!” Rin shrieked. “You, Goldie! Don’t listen to him, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about!” “From the sex.” Archer said. “That we’re going to have.” “Not in front of the evil mystery Servant!” Rin screamed, pounding him in the arm. “I note that you’re not angry I’m stating we’re going to have sex, you’re angry I’m saying it in front of him.” Archer purred. Smirking, of course. “I am angry at both things!” “Liar.” The Golden Knight’s lips twisted in revulsion. “Ugh… it’s like watching cattle mate. You two are disgusting.” “Hmmmmmmph.” Archer said. “You should feel honored that a loathsome animal gets to witness the King’s romance!” “HmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMPH!” The Golden Knight said. “Again you blaspheme! Know this, Mongrel… there is but one, true King. And it isGilgamesh!” “… well, yes. That’s actually what I was going to say.” Archer said. “… excuse me?” “I am he. The King of Heroes, the first King, the lord of all the world and master of all things. I! Am! Gilgamesh!” Archer proclaimed grandly. “… nooooooooooo.” The Golden Knight said slowly. “I am.” “… what.” “I am Gilgamesh. Child of man and God, ruler of Uruk, Master of all the World’s Peoples and possessor of all treasures. I am the true king, and I…” “No, I am! Look, you fraud, I can accept your pretensions to kingship. There have been many, many lesser kings. Just look at Saber!” “Don’t you dare cast your eyes upon her, you filth.” Gilgamesh snarled. “Then don’t cast your eyes upon Rin!” “HA! As if such a peasant could hold the attention of Great Gilgamesh!” “She most certainly can, and I know this because I am Gilgamesh, you fraud!” “The Faker accuses me of fraud! Oh, the irony to be found in the heart of a common forger pretending at greatness!” Gilgamesh2 snapped. Rin sighed, sitting down. “Boys, boys. It’s okay, you’re both very pretty. Can we please pick this up?” “First, I note that this means you’ve checked me out.” Archer said, smirking. "Second, this is a battle for my very identity as a Heroic Spirit! This is very important, Rin!" Rin sighed in annoyance. “All right, look. It’s late, the adrenaline has worn off, and I really need to get some sleep. Um… Gilgamesh?” “Yes?” Both men said. “No, I was talking to… look, let’s do it like this. Archer?” “Yes?” Both men said. “Oh, come on.” Rin snapped. “All right, my Archer: You are officially now Gilgamesh One. Other Archer, you are Gilgamesh Two.” “Why do I have to be Two?” Gilgamesh Two whined. “Because you’re second best.” Gilgamesh One crowed. “Especially in the bedroom, which Rin is going to be knowing firsthand.” “Good god, can you not drop that for five minutes while we sort this out?” Rin growled. “I notice that you don’t want me to drop it forever…” Gilgamesh One purred. “Shut up.” Rin said. “Gilgamesh Two…” “I refuse to accept that title. I will be Gilgamesh Prime.” Gilgamesh Prime said. “If he gets to be Gilgamesh Prime, I want a better title too.” Gilgamesh One said. “I will be Gilgamesh Omega Plus. And yes, the italics are part of it.” “HmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmPHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Then I shall be Gilgamesh Heaven/Hell EX!” Said… one of the two Gilgameshes. I think the evil one. “Gilgamesh Holy Avenger!” “Gilgamesh Devil Destroyer!” “Gilgamesh of the Thousand Blades!” “Gilgamesh, whose Arrow Shall Pierce the Heavens!” “Gilgamesh World-Breaker!” “Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Okay, the Gilgamesh who wants to have sex with me!” Rin snarled. “That’s me! Right here! Yes please!” Said the Gilgamesh who wanted to have sex with Rin. He was all too happy to accept that title. “Do you want to ever have even the tiniest chance with me?” Rin said. “Yes.” “Then we are leaving before you two idiots start… pulling down your pants to see who’s bigger.” Rin snarled. “I am!” Both Gilgameshes said. “Oh yeah?! PROVE IT!” “NO! Do not prove it!” Rin said, grabbing her Gilgamesh’s hand as he went to unfasten his armor. “Just… God, let’s go!” “… … So, do I get to have sex with you, or…” “Just. Take. Me. Home.” Gilgamesh Who Wanted to Have Sex With Rin smirked. Of course. “As milady commands,” Picking her up in his arms like a bride being carried through the threshold of her new house. “Forgive my leaving before you have been properly humbled, dog, but I go to claim the title of ‘Gilgamesh who is getting Laid’.” “Don’t hold your breath.” “I can hold my breath for twenty minutes, Rin. This will come in very handy later, in ways you have probably not thought of. But you will.” Gilgamesh Who Wanted to Have Sex With Rin purred. “… I hate you.” Rin muttered, blushing despite herself as he leapt out into the night, carrying her in his very strong and muscular (GAAAAH, Bad thoughts!) arms. Gilgamesh Heaven/Hell EX of the Thousand Blades, AKA ‘Gilgamesh who was Definitely Not Getting Laid Tonight’, watched them go. He probably would have attacked, but he had already gotten his pants halfway down and he wasn't in the best place to give pursuit. “… … … dammit, did I just lose?” He wondered.