#racketstory

i believe in alien egg kinks for everyone

(I’M GUESSING THIS IS RE: THE TAGS ON THIS POST)

My friend. MY FRIEND. Of COURSE Derek will find out. Not that first night, of course. (Not for lack of trying on Stiles’s part, but dammit, Derek thinks they should go on at least one date before they hop into each other’s pants.)

So he picks Stiles up that weekend and takes him out to a diner for burgers and curly fries (because curly fries are the way to Stiles’s heart in every universe) and the next thing Derek knows they’re out at the Preserve and Stiles is climbing into his lap, muttering something about thanking him properly for such a great first date.

And the car is filling up with Stiles’s scent (not heat scent, no, just his regular omega scent, but it smells so good that Derek’s dizzy with it) and they’re kissing so much Stiles is going to have beard burn, Derek just knows it, and he should feel bad but he’s also kind of happy that Stiles will have that mark on him and…

Someone knocks on the window. Stiles and Derek spring apart and Stiles smacks his head on the car ceiling and Derek’s hand gets smashed between Stiles’s thigh and the gearshift.

And because the universe clearly hates them both, it’s Sheriff Stilinski outside the car, holding a flashlight and looking distinctly unimpressed.

“Not that I’m not thrilled you boys are getting along so well, but please don’t make me arrest you for public indecency.”

Stiles scrambles back over to the passenger seat while Derek stammers out an apology, and the sheriff lets them go with a pained grimace.

“So. That probably killed the mood,” Stiles says.

Derek shrugs. “A little. But we could go to my place to try to get it back?”

Stiles’s grin is blinding.

(They manage to get the mood back at Derek’s place. That is ALSO when Derek finds out that Stiles DOES INDEED POSSESS A TIGHT BUTTHOLE, which hugs Derek’s knot very snuggly and Derek comes hard enough that he zones out for awhile.

“I’m glad to know that sign wasn’t false advertising,” he says, while they’re still curled up in bed.

11. Weirdest thing you’ve ever written/thought about writing/etc.?

RIGHT. STRAP IN.

Derek Hale’s homing penis

sexually attractive werekangaroos and their dicks

ballshaving as an expression of tender love

the sheriff/every twink in beacon hills

derek hale’s jizz sculpting talents

all of the possible male lactation

God I love enraged mid dream thieves reactions

I blame of all this—including the real-life grief I am currently dealing with from my BFF as she devours these books—on you.

i just got so disconcerted, like excuse me that’s not rave sashayed’s normal background i’m not okay

1. things you said at 1 am

Adam has been a light sleeper ever since he sacrificed himself for Cabeswater. It’s as if the forest needs him always just on the edge of consciousness, never tipping over into a truly deep sleep. He gets woken up by the screech of birds in the morning, yowling cats at night, and tonight it’s the sound of a car pulling up outside, techno music from the car stereo suddenly ending as the engine cuts off.

Adam somehow knows exactly who it is even as he’s pulled from sleep. He walks to his living room window, feeling peculiarly wide awake and exhausted at the same time, and sees the BMW parked outside with Ronan still in the driver’s seat.

RIGHT.

1: before or during? Are we talking as foreplay?

2: Is this because I make a hot wombat, or because he would rather do itwith a wombat than a human? I mean I don't know what wombats are like in bed andfrankly I feel like I've googled enough weird animal sex stuff-- fuck it I'mgoogling wombat sex. At this point it’s a drop in the fucking ocean. Right. Twodicks it is. Does Hoechlin have 2 dicks? I’m in if he does.

2: Would he use wombat pet names?

3: could I take off the suit at any point? Or is there an easy access flapand I’m there in fur for the whole time? Because that would get sweaty and frankly I don't know how to wash a wombat suit.

Here’s the scenario I could deal with:  it’s as foreplay, and it’s because he thinks Iam irresistible in fake fur. He tells me to slip into something more…wombatty.I comply, because up to this point the date has gone well. He starts to sing ‘amoment like this.’ He has a single scented candle which he lights, and thenlooks at me in the wombat suit. He then undresses. There is some above suittouching. He strokes my fur. He tells me I am the most beautiful wombat he has everseen.