#raceists

Everyone's favorite (re: only) racists dusted our sneakers off for our first race in awhile: a night race! You know we're gonna sign up for something that doesn't requires a 6am wake up call and you KNOW we're going to run it slowly because neither of us have been running for a month (44 minute 5k, anyone?).

It also sounded cool because they made it seem like it would be this pretty, well lit evening event. Even the website looked deceptively nice. For these reasons (and more) I'm just going to go out on a limb and say this is the worst race we've ever run together.

Lauren was a peach and drove us to Montrose beach. This saved an annoying wait for a bus ride home with people covered in led lighting and puffy paint that was probably supposed to glow in the dark but didn't.

In retrospect, this also prevented us from experiencing any issues at gear check. From what we could glean from the apologetic email sent en mass by the race coordinators, there were gear check issues. I could end this post here. That's the one issue you really don't want to encounter. But there were many, many other issues.

Below, our collective list of issues with this race for the edification of anyone who reads this (does anyone read this?) Some of these complaints (not the food ones, those are all ours) were probably overheard, because all we could hear as we ran the race were various waves of disappointment from everyone on the path.

Why the Firefly 5k Sucked 1. No goodie bag. Lauren: I wanted a coupon for Pilates and a mini clif bar. Jaime: I wanted my Stewart's coffee. Maybe a free chiropractor consultation? 2. Lauren: Misjudgment of finish line water needs.  Jaime: There was NO water at the finish line when we got there. We had to buy water's from the Tamale Spaceship guys. 3. No pre/post-race snacks. Lauren: See number 1 re mini clif bar or at least a banana. Jaime: Had I known that the coconut water would be our only option for hydration/snacking before the event, i'd have asked for two. 4. Trail lighting. Lauren: I understand it's a night race but that trail situation was almost treacherous. Jaime: Seriously, Montrose has a really rocky trail and the lack of lighting made everyone on the path very, very nervous. Kids shouldn't be allowed to run this one, because they dart and shuffle and make everyone nervous. I'm surprised someone didn't take out one of the little buggers. 5. Strollers. Lauren: This is a universal 5k complaint. These people need to be put in their own quadrant/heat/etc. Jaime: I actually appreciated some of them, as they were obnoxiously well-lit and helped guide on the path. But they took up so much space they mostly made me nervous. 6. That one asshole runner shouting pass and careening through crowds. When you choose to participate in a race where the majority of runners are dressed as fairies and bumblebees sporting twinkle lights (including yourself) you should consider that it's not a competitive event. 7. Don't advertise that you'll have "food trucks" at your race if you are only able to secure two trucks prior to the event. Three if you count the shitty looking concession stand that has a truck like appearance like on the corner of the beach. Here's a small excerpt from our final lap, when I spotted more trucks:

Me, rounding the finish: Oh, hey- looks like more food trucks arrived! Lauren: i bet those are ambulances Me, as we get closer: Yeah, those are totally ambulances. But I bet they have water! And apples! Lauren: Maybe even a cookie

8. Start times are important, especially for a poorly lit races in the damn dark. Don't change the times. Inform your volunteers. Try to talk to the crowd when the wait time is getting seriously delayed. Also, if you're going to stagger the start time for safety, make that clear to the runners and plan ahead, damnit.

Things we liked:

The cupcake from the cupcake truck was delightful.

found a potential birthday present for a friend in the oddly dressed crowd

Before we took off, the throws of people all lit up were pretty neat.