I AM GOING TO CRY 😭 i uh. will be keeping your tags as a screenshot on my phone bc what u said rly is important to me i am just kind of dumb. it always breaks my brain a little bit that people don't see my name and think "oh it's That Asshole again" and it's incomprehensible to me that people would even think about me like. at all? outside of that? let alone in a positive way?? so thank you aaaaaaaa
Rabbit you literally always, every time, make me smile when your name pops up in my notifs, I'm like "oh hey! Rabbit's awake!". It's like seeing your or anyone else's name pop up on Steam in the corner of my screen. I smile and the world keeps goin'.
I don't follow you solely because you are a Secondary Dash - eventually I do want to leave tumblr and use that time to do something slightly more productive, so I keep my actual following count very low - but that means in practice I actually keep up with your blog better, since I only check it when I have time to scroll and nothing else I can do right then, so you're not a part of the bleary "first break at work and not super thinking" scroll I usually do.
Look, I'm gonna be blunt: I have literally no idea what cruelties you blame yourself for. Something about leftist facebook? And if I'm right on that, I'm just gonna go straight to "facebook is engineered to make everyone as evil as possible to each other, and leftists are predisposed to infighting, I would forgive ANYONE for ANYTHING they did there in the same way you don't blame a Hunger Games victor for murder the same way you do a run-of-the-mill serial killer". And even if I'm not right on that, I still don't see why it should be a problem.
You try your best to be kind, when you fuck up you apologize and make it right pretty quickly, you're a person with a loving heart and a determination to do your best. You have a severe case of OCD, yes. And that... isn't a crime. Never was. You're just disabled, and that's fine, that's okay, we help you manage where we can and we give you the leniency you need to make it work.
You are not uniquely terrible. You are not uniquely unforgivable. I don't know what things you still blame yourself for, if it's something I would actually blame someone else for or not. And the kicker is... I also don't care. You're my friend. You haven't hurt me personally, and if you did, I'd say so in so many words and you'd apologize and try to do better and we'd be stronger friends for it.
The statute of limitations on felony arson is seven years, and it requires two felony counts before they diagnose you with pyromania - you get a freebie if you only ever do the one. As well, it takes roughly seven years for every cell in your body to die and be replaced at least once.
That's the mantra I use whenever my own mental issues won't leave an issue alone: if it was more than seven years ago, I was literally a different person, and the government would forgive me if I'd burnt shit down instead. Ergo, no longer an issue.
I have honestly never thought of you in any negative way. Never. I don't think I could come up with anything negative if I really tried. You're my friend, I like seeing you around, if I'm ever in the area I'd probably ask if you wanted to go for coffee.
I dunno any of your other friends, but I suspect most if not all would probably say the same. And if you don't know for sure, well, you know me, and that's one person. I honestly hope your OCD chills at some point. Lets you realize I'm not kidding, nor lying, and I actually mean it. That's all most friends really want: to be believed when they say they care. It took me a lot of years to learn that lesson, but it's true. And I do care. Always have.
So keep on walkin', yeah? We'll make it. You just gotta keep believing in what you can, and when you can't, trust that at least one person fully believes in you.
