#r149

Rant #149: Medyo sakit lng noh? na ako pirminti mg sabot. dili lalim. kapoy pud biya mg skwela sa kursong di ta ganahan. top it off with a school whose religious views doesn’t really align with yours, who makes you feel like you’re on the bad side of everything. it sucks to point it out frankly. ga hinay hinay ra kog ingon na di ko gnahan sa school kay tungod niya ug sa school mismo and the students there. if you were in my shoes, you’d know. but you don’t understand. YOU NEVER DO. you just think i’m selfish and ungrateful for everything i have. you don’t know how hard i’m trying to do that. every. single .day. it’s so hard to face another day na dili nimo gnahan ang mga tao, ang course everything. may na lang gne na i get by with some friends but on top of that, dili siya enough na maka compensate sa regret nga akong ma feel. i’m mad at myself. i wish you could see that. but all you can see is me blaming you for everything when the truth is, i blame you because i’m too stubborn to admit that it was all my fault. i’m sorry for choosing poorly. i’m trying to cope. dili na lang gyud diay ko kaingon nimo na di ko gnahan sa school? sa course? you are my family, i thought you people are supposed to be my emotional cushion? i can’t even tell my friends that kay i think they don’t care or i might be stepping on their view on the school and the course. I can’t go on pretending i don’t mind and that i’m fine with it. i have got to tell someone and you telling me to stop ranting, just makes me feel even more vulnerable. you don’t understand. complaining helps me cope. pero dili jud nko intention na ipa guilt trip si papa or ikaw…i just wanted to convince you to let me shift or just transfer schools. but now i see that it will all be in vain. shit. i hate this. ng tinarong mn kog skwela ba. it’s not like i’m ditching classes. i’m thankful. really. it’s just that the regret is there. and i wake up every morning reminded of that and its just hard. piste.mej sakit pud ha na gi compare ko. i always hated being compared. fvck. i know i’m not the perfect daughter. i can never be like her. i feel like i’m your least favorite daughter. butang butangan ko nimog sturya and stuff and i just swallowed all of that. haist. di lng unta ko i compare ba. i compare na gne ko sa akong mga classmates pati ikaw ba naman. i thought you told me you loved us equally? why am i suddenly doubting that? :/ sucks to be me.