#qvv

entry #1; march 18th.

                dear diary,

       should i have even started this off with “dear diary”? that makes me sound like i’m 13 years old again.....anyways, i’ve made a conscious decision to start “journaling” again. it’s what dr. saville always tried to get me to do....so i’ve decided to give it a shot. 

      yesterday was the anniversary. of eli’s death. it’s still crazy for me to wrap my head around the fact that he’s truly gone. no wonder i just decided to pack up completely and leave. i couldn’t handle it. i still can’t. he’s left a hole in me that nobody else can patch up. and i don’t want anyone else to patch it up whatsoever. i just want eli back. but that’s not how life works, is it?

      i feel like i should maybe start seeing dr. saville again. i’ve been getting more flashbacks and more dreams about eli, and maybe. just maybe. it’s time to move on? i can’t tell what’s in the future for me, but i sure hope i’ll be in a better spot then where i am now.

                  sincerely,

                                  see the thing you've been chasin',

                          honey, you'll never find it wearing a life-vest

                                           you gotta risk your neck,

qui vivra verra - (french) ”time will tell”