#quizzyrambles

I want someone to baby me, to look out for me, instead of the other way around. I want someone who wants to protect me and is capable of doing so. I want someone who is supportive of my femininity but also indulges me in more masculine activities. Someone older to confide in when parents just don’t understand. I want to be the one who has to “tag along.” I don’t want to be responsible, I want someone to be responsible for me. I want an older brother.

“Oh, take your little sister with you.” And he does and he includes me and makes me feel special.

“This is my little sister. I hope you don’t mind that she hangs around.” Is what he would say as he introduces me to his friends who I think are so cool.

He would say things like, “Hold brother’s hand,” or ask me what was wrong. I could confide in him because big brother always knows how to make me smile when my eyes are teary or comfort me when I’m scared. He would be silly and make me laugh.

I’ve been having a really hard time lately. I’ve been in and out of depressive episodes, feeling unloved and unwanted, having negative thoughts about by body/appearance, my anxiety is through the roof, and all around I’m just struggling mentally and emotionally. I have no time nor space to regress, and when I do, it’s involuntary which is scary because I’m a secret regressor. But one thing that has helped me immensely is allowing myself to be present through my emotions and just let myself be sad.

Being sad isn’t a bad thing. You are allowed to be upset. You’re allowed not to feel happy all the time because it’s human. I know there’s countless other posts like this one that talk about this but it’s true. And especially for regressors like me because regression isn’t always happy regardless of the stereotypes.

I grew up being told “don’t let your emotions get the better of you,” and “don’t be so emotional, it’s not something to cry about,” and yeah, there might be some truth to that. But like, you’re allowed to be sad about something even if the people around you don’t understand why it’s making you sad. Because it’s your sadness.

And if you feel like you’re in a place where it’s not safe to cry (the people around you shaming you for it for example) then release your emotions in a safe place. I cried in the shower today which was my very first time doing that, but as cliche as it sounds, it was so freeing. Because nobody could hear me and I could cry for as long as I needed to. I’ve also cried before bed. Pillows are a great way to muffle cries and dry your tears. If you can’t cry at home, go somewhere outside where you know you won’t be interrupted or bothered. Whatever works for you.

Just cry if you need to. Be sad if that’s what you’re feeling. And then pick yourself up when you’re ready. I promise that feeling your emotions and responding to them doesn’t make you bad or shameful. 🩵

“People who buy Jellycats are so dumb, why are they spending money on something so overpriced?”

“Jellycats are so ugly why do people buy them?”🙄

“Spending money on an overpriced stuffed animal as an adult is so stupid, I don’t know why anyone would buy a Jellycat. It’s just to be popular I guess.”