After accidentally winding up in caffeine withdrawals while on a business trip to California, going to the ER, talking with a doctor (twice), I have finally built up enough courage to go Cold Turkey.

(If you want to read the full story of pre detox events go to the bottom)

Long story short I was consuming anywhere between 100mg - 400mg with the later being most recent. I some how tapered down to 1oz espresso or 32mg. That said I have not felt %100 in about a month and a half. Which is why I want to begin the process of the end.......

How I feel

Mostly tired

Lack of energy 

Not all the way coherent 

(Pre Detox)

October 23rd is when I believe the flight was. It was an early morning flight (7am). I decided that I would have one cup of coffee to energize me through the day which began a soon as we landed. That night I felt mildly anxious. I thought maybe it was the fact the I was hundreds of miles away from my wife and kids. A feeling that I recall having before but usually subsides on the second day. That following morning I ran to the gas station a block away from the hotel and grabbed a cup of coffee. I drunk about half of it before my day started. That night I felt the anxiousness again and again shrugged it off. The third day was almost a repeat of the second, and on the forth day I returned home.

Once returning home we went to our favorite coffee spot and oder the usual 6 shot tall boy! I drunk it and truthfully don’t remember how I felt. I do remember feelings of anxiousness popping up out of no where through that week. One day the barista served me a drink with milk in it ( I am lactose). Lets just say I spent the first few hours of my day releasing all of the drink and what ever else was in my stomach at the time. The next day I was hesitant about the coffee so I went to 7/11 and got a regular cup. I believe it was the following day when I felt like a complete reck. So much so, that I went to get a Covid 19 test and felt like I was going to faint. I spent the rest of that day and the day following in my bed felling “Flu like” symptoms. I went to the ER and all the blood work and everything else was fine. It wasn’t until a day or so after when my wife convinced me to drink a cup of coffee that I realized all the symptoms stopped! It dawn on me I was going through Caffeine withdrawals. 

It's everywhere. No city in the world is free of caffeine. Smokers will tell you how gas stations and convenience stores are a lot less convenient when you're trying to quit. It's so easy to relapse. Caffeine is the same. It's always there. It's lurking in so many products you'd never imagine, and you crave these products, even if you don't notice it. Ever wondered why doritos are so eatable? Some have drugs in them.

This is very profitable for the capitalists, who have a large population of addicts, with ingredients that can be added to anything to reinforce the behavior of buying and eating their products. Don't believe me? Quit caffeine and see how food makes you feel.

Maybe you'll discover there's all sorts of shit in our food that makes us feel bad. Maybe you'll learn that even carbonated flavored water gives a stimulating effect for some. I know, it sounds mad, but it's true.

Caffeine lasts longer than you think. If you're the type to slam drinks all day, it's building up in your system day on day on day. Your body adapts to it always being there.

But then you take so much, and you're tolerant of the effects. You just feel jittery. You can't sleep. You buy alcohol to ease the caffeine induced cortisol spike(again, a real thing). You buy otc sleep pills like melatonin but find limited relief. You buy a new mattress like those ads keep saying will help, only to toss and turn on your new purchase.

Capitalism sells you a problem, you need money. To get money, you have to work. Everything is expensive, so if you want the standard of living you see advertised to you, you work work work. But we are not machines, we need rest. Far more rest than our current economic system allots for us. What to do? You need energy. Caffeine, supplements, drugs, medicine, pre workout, keto diets, gym memberships, all sold to us to keep us up and keep us working until our bodies give out beneath the weight of our own productivity.

So what to do? I have made the difficult decision to cut out 100% of the caffeine in my diet. I did this while sober of all other drugs except atomoxetine while working a labor job. It was hard, but if I can do it, so can you. But I feel so, so, so so so so much better. If you have a mental illness caffeine may be making it worse and your Dr and health/wellness people will never ever tell you this. It is so normal to be a caffeine addict, but it is so so abnormal for many of us to BE caffeine addicts.

Now, I know this isn't the crowd to preach this to, but frankly no group of people want to talk about how bad caffeine is for you. Read on if you are feeling open minded

Xanthines are the class of chemicals that caffeine and the related theobromine(found in chocolate) belong to.

Most of you likely think, I use caffeine every day so I don't have a problem with this! Here's why you should:

-caffeine is bad for you. I know that hurts to hear, but is it really surprising? There's tons of studies that show its consumption leads to nutritional deficiencies, anxiety and depression, sleep issues, irritability, and, in general, an exacerbation of existing mental health symptoms. This is not an attack on you, your values, or your worth. I am a recovering addict and it would be v hypocritical of me to judge you. I make this post out of concern for my fellow humans and indignation at the system.

-yes, there are just as many studies claiming its benefits. Ask yourself who is funding this research? Coffee is the most traded commodity after oil and sugar. It's big BIG business. There's billions or even trillions of dollars to make so surely a few million towards some studies would be no issue. 9/10 doctors recommend Camels, red wine is good for your heart, marijuana helps with whatever you'd like it to, vapes stop asthma attacks. Ask yourself who benefits from fun drugs being good for you? You, or the seller?

-some people have to care. There are a substantial number of sick people or those who choose to quit xanthines who deserve to know what's in the food they're eating. These are drugs with risks, and there is no such thing as a "harmless" recreational drug.

-caffeine is an addictive recreational drug! Doesn't it seem odd that companies can add addictive drugs to products without declaration? I thought we were past that age, but we are not. It is legal to add theobromine powder, and to use an ingredient that is high in caffeine and Generally Recognized as Safe(an industry designation that allows manufacturers to skip fda approval, look up tarro flour it killed people and no law was broken). As long as one of these unverified ingredients is less than 2% the mass of the product, it gets around the law and doesn't have to appear on the ingredients label. Isn't that wild? As long as it's less than 2% total mass, you could be eating whatever and have no idea. Adding drugs in this way skirts detection and legislated warnings. Doesn't that bother you? This isn't what GRAS was meant for, as it was originally for allowing you to use stuff like salt without doing studies first as it's clearly safe, but over time the FDA has become parasitically infected by the pharmaceutical and food manufacturers. THEY fund it! The regulated run the regulators! It's madness!

-Products like Awake chocolate proudly declare their caffeine content, as it was added directly. When added in this way the law says if must be declared. We have agreed as a society that indicating caffeine content is a good thing, so why is secretly adding it allowed?

-this is the kicker. Caffeine cannot be detected by normal consumers when present in tiny quantities. It doesn't cause stimulation due to the low dose, but it still has health effects. Since you're likely unaware of eating them, you don't know how much you've had in a day, and thus aren't aware of your level of risk. You could think you dont use caffeine since no coffe tea or energy drinks but still have the health risks of a user! People need to be aware of this! If you choose to use it and you deem the risk acceptable that's fine but people NEED to know. Companies can't be making the decision for you in regards to your health.

Why add xanthines at all then if it isn't stimulating and its bad for you? Here it is:

XANTHINES INCREASE SUBJECTIVE ENJOYMENT OF FOOD AND DRINK

You like these products more than others BECAUSE of the added xanthines. That's how a normal person can notice what I do. Look for foods that are too good, too yummy, too morish. Food isn't drugs. Food shouldn't hijack your brain like drugs do! Our food does because the politicians don't care since it makes the capitalists lots and lots of money.

Now, how did I figure this out? Since starting hrt I have become extremely sensitive to the stimulating effects of xanthines. When I have Bubly(supposedly just co2 water and Natural Flavors) I have a rapid heartbeat, frantic unfocused energy, sweaty palms, followed by low energy and mood, cravings, and feeling groggy like I did in the morning when I used to use caffeine. It's exactly the same. Btw no caffeine and you just wake up rested, no fucked up morning hungover feeling.

There used to be caffeine test strips on the market. They sold well and then mysteriously were bought out and discontinued. Xanthines are hard to detect without specialized equipment, and they don't want the plebs to go around sticking these amazing little strips in their food and finding out we are all being fed drugs. They keep us addicted, they keep us energetic, they make money off both our addictions and the endless labor the drugs enable. This, to me, is an outrageous example of the endless profit seeking motivation hollowing out of the people's health.

Few people I know care about this. Even when I tell them its just not taken seriously. What if it was alcohol? What if it was nicotine? What if it was anything else? Would you care then? Why is caffeine so special? Why should I and many others who choose to give up caffeine be forced into the healthy lifestyle due to lack of other options? I miss doritos!

Lastly, do want some more personal reasons to care? Caffeine raises cortisol levels. It stresses you out on a biological legal. This leads to worse skin, acne, thinning hair, metabolic syndrome, endocrine issues, and restlessness among other maladies. Want some more? Caffeine impairs your gi from absorbing large minerals like iron and magnesium, these nutrients absorb slowly and take time to be used properly. Ever had a cuppa then ran to the bathroom? Caffeine is highly acidic, and acts as a convulsant in your gut. It moves things along TOO fast and your body can't keep up.

Caffeine withdrawal varies dramatically from person to person, for many like me they were running multiple deficiencies and just powered through it for years until I started being unable to think and had no energy even with caffeine and food. These can take months to recover from as it's not just withdrawal. It's a medical issue caused by caffeine use that needs to heal. Some can just stop. Others feel so bad when they do that they can't. Hell, I started eating cereal again for the iron content and seeds for the magnesium, and it has helped a lot. Iron deficiency isn't easy to detect as its stored intracellularly, as is magnesium. These two are likely present in a large percentage of the population, particularly magnesium, as it's mostly in high-quality foods that aren't always affordable. Look it up

Protip if you're wding eat pumpkin seeds. They're very very high in magnesium and the amino acid tyrosine which is metabolized into dopamine and serotonin. Your body will likely benefit from the good food.

I have noticed a huge, HUGE drop in my anxiety since quitting. I sleep like a baby. My skin is clear. I am happier and far less frantic. I am never going back.

So that's why drugs being in everything is so unambiguously awful to me. This has been very difficult yet worthwhile, as you have to trial and error everything you eat to see if it'll hurt you. Its fucked up. I wish it wasn't like this.

Love you all 💜 thank you for reading this far

It’s actually the morning of day 5 but I will recap day 4. I think this is a better way since I completed the full day.

How I felt

Still sluggish

Slight irritable

Headache/nausea 

I started the day with a similar level of energy as the previous morning. On my way to work I was just as tired as the day before. I’ve been getting rest on my way to work. Not sleep but that kind of calm driving that feels restful. I went through my day feeling tired. I started to feel slightly irritable which I am coming to realize means I am hungry since my appetite has not returned fully yet. I ate a teriyaki chicken plate at 11am which actually made me more tired. In fact I was tired for 2 hours. This is probably due to my body metabolizing the food. I been trying to eat a lot of carbs and protein for energy.

I started off today with some what more energy than yesterday. Don’t get me wrong I was not at all near my normal state however I noticed I wasn’t as sluggish as I have been. This could have been due to having a better night sleep.

That said, I still don’t fully have my hunger so I am still force myself to eat a lot to keep my boy energized. The worst side affect for me is the feeling of irritability. Seems like it comes if I am hungry, tired, or dehydrated. I have been drinking a lot of water along with snacks. I had on bad feeling of irritability today around 2:30pm. I almost caved in to a coffee. I sat a thought about it and decided to proceed with cutting caffeine out of my life!  FYI (I tried going cold turkey two weeks ago and caved in at 5 days so day 6 will be a milestone for me)

How I Feel 

Tired

Not fully focused

Eager to get my life back