#quicksearch

Something in my brain likes to cross platonic and romantic attraction, so once I consider someone to be a friend there’s about a 50/50 chance of me becoming affectionate for them, with said affection continuing until either I tell them or I crush the affection down and lock it away, assuming the we don’t just drift apart naturally. Whether if they don’t reciprocate it, then while I will have some romantic interest in them for a time after eventually it does get buried under seeing them as simply a friend.

The kind of demiromantic I am sometimes makes me doubt that I am.

My romantic affections tend to develop quicker than I would assume “normal” for being demiromantic. I often feel that I need to justify myself to myself, explaining to myself that, yes, these romantic affections aren’t being targeted towards random people, and that they’re being towards people I would call a friend and have known for months now. Sometimes I wonder if I would be developing affections slower if I didn’t feel so romantically lonely.

The kind of demiromantic I am makes admitting affections harder.

It often feels that due to how quickly I develop affections that there’s no way the person they’re for would feel them back, and that makes it harder to admit to them that I’m feeling romantic affection towards them, and makes me worried of possibly ruining my friendship with them by telling them. And if I do work up the courage to tell them, and it isn’t reciprocated, it just makes it harder to admit it to the next person I’m feeling affectionate for. It makes me feel like a coward for not being able to tell anyone.

The kind of demiromantic I am makes me feel distant.

Whenever a conversation becomes about people loving their romantic partners, it will make me feel hurt. And when I’m feeling hurt by it, I’ll disappear from the conversation. After all, I don’t want to bother everyone else with my own issues when they’re talking about someone who makes them happy and loved, especially when it’s because of me not having someone who makes me feel happy and loved. And so, I disappear, and feel like I’m distancing myself from everyone else because I’m a coward.

The kind of demiromantic I am makes me hurt.