#queueshield

        He was making a fool of himself, a little bit angry due to the alcohol running in his veins & mind. Lagertha knew him better than anyone around, she was his constant in his life, despite her leaving him & disappearing for a solid four years. But she cared about him, she knew it was time for him to lay down & get some sleep before he said anything he’d regret the morning after. Every word had consequences. The blonde shieldmaiden pulled him aside & directed him to his bedroom, however, & it should have been expected, he took it the nasty way. He was still irresistible, & each time she was having a hard time not to give in her own feelings for him. But she wasn’t his anymore. She placed her palm over his torso, stopping him in his act before it would go too far,    “ You are the one who had too much drinking. ”     Aslaug didn’t join in raids, so she was sure she wouldn’t know anything, but that was past the point,      “ Just try not to throw up in your bed. ” 

“ fear it, or control it. ” / ubbe.  asked by @emptysculs​  ( pinterest quotes )

          “ That is the best advice your father gave you to fight ? ”     A smirk rose upon her lips, as she twirled expertly a wooden sword in her hand, then toyed it around the young Ubbe. They we’re going to their first raid, with his brother Hvitserk, joining their father as well in order to conquer their uncle Rollo in frankia. Lagertha perfectly knew they wouldn’t go in battlefields but they’d gotten their arm rings lately, they needed to know what it was like. The pre adolescent had found Lagertha, sitting by the shore, with a sword toy & asked her to train him. He knew for a fact that his fathers ex wife was almost legendary, Lagertha, Jarl Ingstad & famous Shieldmaiden. She didn’t need Ragnar Lothbrok to her herself a name or a title. 

__________ She watched him with attention, noticing the red flush on his cheek, half covered by his prominent beard now. She never realized until now, perhaps, what a man he had become. She always felt deep for Athelstan, & distance never changed anything. In this moment, she couldn’t if it was his presence or how closer they’d grow together but...      “ Do not shy away. ”     she repressed the urge to press her palm against his jaw, to ease the awkwardness      “ I told you how I felt already. You are family... & more. ”      Everything had changed since the first day they met at the farm years ago.        “ I will love & fight for you. ” 

__________   “ I do not care about the title, I just do not want my people to be stamped on by some mad man. Just as you should feel, ”       Things were difficult, Ivar was a ragnarsson, he was Björn’s brother even, & everything all started when Lagertha had taken back her city, inflicting death to Aslaug. She could say all she wanted, nobody would listen to her but... it wasn’t supposed to happen that way. Aslaug wasn’t meant to die on that day, but now she was the killer. 

“ I will be a Queen only if you do not want to be King. But you need to think about it, Björn... you may dream of adventures & journeys, you should also defend your people. ” 

           Digits sliding along the thin material of the yarn, Lagertha was trying to avoid,  block any dark thoughts, or memories. So much happened the last few days, && she wasn’t ready to deal with her feelings yet. She had never thought she’d have to bury any of her children. They were always well && alive, but she also knew many children didn’t pass ten years old. That’s why she had felt lucky to have hers perfectly healthy by her side. Until now. 

          She had tried to be strong, in appearance, for her people. Plague had caused many losses along Gyda && Thyri. She couldn’t show how selfish she had felt ; wishing that her baby girl would be one to stay alive among the others. How she had prayed the Gods, the sacrifices for her daughter. Despite her attempts && desires, she was gone. && none of Ragnar or Björn were around either. 

          A knock on the door, just a quick glance to make sure it was him ; unlocking the door, she opened it without facing the man behind it. Already gone walking around the apartment, she was stuffing a bag of clothes && Björn’s stuff. She heard him close the door, && soon after he was showing up in the living-room.      “You’re early, he didn’t even come back from his soccer’s lessons.” 

          Lagertha hated the way it made her feel. Vulnerable, but mostly lonely. Running a hand in her long locks, she sighed with a tired face, lips tight. The place was filled with old pictures of their kids, Björn && Gyda, but none of them anymore. Though, Gyda was all over the place, constant reminder of their loss. She stared at him finally, && she wanted to cry but she wouldn’t. He was so much alike her, it was very difficult for her to deal with it.      “You want something to drink?”      She asked, as she was already making her way to the coffee machine with two cups. 

Björn did not think he would be back in Kattegat so soon, but he had returned. He’d gone East again, but he felt like he needed to check in directly, with his mother, with Torvi.  Things had been a bit of a mess, and a bit odd when he said goodbye to Torvi when he’d left to avenge his father. But, he’d known that his mother was struggling with losing him and truthfully, so was he. So, he needed to go back to Kattegat and see her. He had to.

Once he exited the ships, he made his way to the Great Hall, and that was when he saw his mother.  He moved to her, without saying a word and he hugged her. He knew that his mother was aware of what he had done, before he had left to avenge his father. His mother knew him well, but that was not what mattered now.  He had his own path, what he wanted out of his life, but he still needed to look after his mother, although he doubted she would agree, that she needed to be looked after.

He pulled away from her at her words, and he nodded. “I know. So much has happened for me too. So much happened in England when we avenged father. I know that King Harald told you that I made sure of it, but I blood eagled him myself for what he did to him, right over the spot that my father died. Are you alright?”

He hoped that she was alright. He knew she was strong, but they’d all been through a lot.

          Her hands trailed along the blue fabric of his tunic, her eyes examining every detail of her son in search of any new wound, making sure he was well alive. Her hand finally reached for his cheek, she doesn’t caress his skin, just a tender gesture to let him know that she missed him && showed how grateful she was that he came back in one piece. 

          So many things happened, so many topics they need to discuss now. The Queen threw a nod at her servants, && Shield-maidens to have a moment of intimacy with her son. Quickly, the place went empty && Lagertha moved to the counter to get them drinks.      “Are you not hungry?”      She couldn’t help being a mother despite her many others titles. But she always wore this one proudly. 

          Her beautiful cobalt eyes watched him up && down with a concerned face, before she moved near the hearth to stare at the fire when Ragnar was mentioned. Gritting her teeth tight, she looked back at him with pursed lips && a sad smile. Even dead, he was getting to her.      “Thank you...”      Her free hand reached for his arm && gave it a small but maternal squeeze. So now it was over. Reality was that Ragnar was gone for good, not just some words from a cripple, or just some visions from Aslaug. She still had a bit of hope remaining somehwere for him to trick them all again, but... 

          She sighed heavily, jawline tight repressing the few tears coming to her. They had others things to talk, more important.      “I am fine.”      She quickly answered to dismiss his doubts.      “But we need to speak about King Harald && Astrid. It seems like Harald backstabbed you Björn. He tried to take Kattegat while you all were gone with Egil the Bastard. They attacked us, we went through many losses, but we made it.” 

           Talk to him wouldn’t have been a good idea, just right away. Lagertha didn’t even want to, she felt betrayed && hurt about the whole situation he put them in. She only watched him silently, carefully not to be caught in the process. She knew that look on his face, better than anyone. Guilt. Oddly, she really felt far away from him, that non talking to each other was probably better for them. Things would be regretted if they argued. 

            Anger was now replaced by confusion, as the Shieldmaiden approached him.  She didn’t want to yell at him, she was rather tired to fight him && his decisions anyway. But he seemed to be in that mood, contradicting her just because he felt guilty somehow. Sure he screwed up many times, but that wasn’t the point today, that wasn’t on a personal level, at least not that depth.      “Don’t say that about yourself.”      He had done what he needed to. 

          “Nothing... I... I don’t know.”      She was confused on his reasons, why he kept everything secret && why he told the truth to his son but not her. Closing her eyes slowly, lips parted, she was just trying to understand.      “You did not tell me because you are stupid.”      Lagertha stepped forward.     “You did not tell me for a reason, && I wand to know why.”     A pause as she looked up at him.     “When did you stop trusting me, Ragnar?”      She wanted to be angry at him, yell even but all she felt was... disappointment. Without talking about him becoming Christian... he was pushing them away, including her.