#queerl

Name: Rachel Age: 24 Occupation: consultancy researcher Location: Marrickville Gender: Female Sexuality: Lesbian

I would say I present traditionally feminine on a day to day basis. I’m a big fan of glitter and fun outfits, I’ve got a full “fun drawer” in my wardrobe full of glitter and fishnet or sequined outfits. I’ve been trying to integrate that more into my day to day life.. I used to only dress up like that on special occasions but I figure why not? Why cant I dress like that every day?

I’ve got a twin sister, and when we were younger our mother would dress us up in the same outfits, but different colours, if you look back at the pictures, she always dressed my sister in the more “traditionally feminine” colours, and me in the more “traditionally masculine colours” so I like to joke with her that she made me gay by putting me in blue as a baby. When I first came out I felt pressure to present more masculine because that’s the view you see of lesbians. I got stretchers, I got an undercut, I wore plaid and baseball caps, and then realised that the only reason I was doing that was for validation and to be perceived as queer rather than enjoying the way I presented.

I can’t remember not knowing that I liked girls. There’s some classic gay moments for me, like seeing that tATu “all the things she said” music video, and I remember being very intrigued and wanting to see more. I had a huge crush on Belle from Beauty and the Beast, which other people thought meant that I wanted to be her, but I very emphatically liked her. As it came to puberty and dating boys, they always just felt like friends who I enjoyed hanging out with and going on dates with, but I’d always dread the end of the date where it would be socially expected for us to kiss. When I was thirteen I got my first online girlfriend and then very nonchalantly came out a year later by just bringing a girl home and saying “yeah this is my girlfriend, whatever”. In retrospect that was probably a lot for my parents, but I guess some part of me figured that if I never verbalised it, I wouldn’t have to deal with other people saying things.

The term Queer, to me, resembles community and support, and those who don’t align to the mainstream in regards to gender or sexuality. But then again I also studied the theory at university so that might just be the academic answer. Queer is very much a wider description of whatever does not fit the mainstream – within my day to day life that means me and my friends and the sense of community amongst the LGBTQIA+ scene.

I came out when I was thirteen or fourteen, and group chats weren’t a thing yet, but there were group texts where you’d send out the one text, but it would text everyone individually. My sister and I shared a room, so I was about to send this text while we were in our beds and I just realised that I could just tell her. “Just letting you know that I’m about to send you a text letting you know that I think I might be bi.” The initial response I got both from my sister, and all of my friends individually was very supportive and validating, just their showing interest and support, and wanting to know about those queer aspects of my life. It helped so much to have my friends all support me when I then came out more publicly.

I think I was more involved with the queer community during my university years. It’s much easier when theres so many options on your doorstep to be a part of specific societies, as opposed to having to seek them out yourself as an adult. I did my first two years of university at home in Scotland, and my third abroad over here, and at both universities I was very active in the LGBTQIA+ societies, especially back in Glasgow. I’m definitely very involved in the queer social nightlife here as well as just most of my entire friend group being extremely queer. Through this I feel very connected to the queer community. My sense of belonging here has evolved so much over time. Initially I was very excited to see the specific queer lesbian clubs that you have here, which just doesn’t exist back in Scotland. It was super exciting that there were primarily lesbian focused scenes here like Birdcage, or Girlthing, which gives you a much more distilled sense of the specific subculture that you wouldn’t get in a more all inclusive queer space. It’s a growing pain that I’m coming to realise that some of these more niche clubs by their nature are not as inclusive and accepting of other members of the LGBTQIA+ community as I wish they could be.

I’ve noticed, since entering corporate life here in Australia, when people talk about their significant other, the go to is to refer to them as their partner. Initially I thought there were a lot more queer people than I thought, but it’s just using more deliberately inclusive language. It was also weird to come here before marriage equality was a thing, when I’d already taken part in the marches in Scotland to allow same sex marriage. So twice in my life, before the age of twenty one I was campaigning for equal marriage in two different countries. Any future kids I have are going to think I grew up in such a backwards world. It was such a harsh reaction from people who were voting no, especially when it was only a 60% majority?

There aren’t many queer spaces that don’t revolve around alcohol, which is an issue we really need to attack, for so many reasons. Having queer spaces revolving around alcohol can and does negatively impact people in terms of alcohol abuse, and drives queer people who dont want to drink, or are trying to resolve those substance abuse issues away from the queer community. Further, it restricts access to the queer community to adults – the way so many of us find our queer family is through queer clubs, and to get in you need to be over eighteen, and being a minor trying to figure yourself out and find your people can be a very trying, isolating time. Not to mention having so much of queer society behind this age barrier lends credence to this idea that being queer isn’t something to teach our kids about, and that it is only adults who are gay, or bi, or pan, or trans, or whatever.

full gallery on facebook

follow us on instagram @thequeerlook