#queenwrites

You checked your phone. 12:56 AM.

Karl was arriving at 1. You and him were going to hang out for a bit, a midnight hangout, and help him plan his next stream. And then you were going to your boyfriend, Jace’s house, in the morning.  You looked in the mirror, and almost took a double take when you saw yourself in the mirror. You looked just as you felt, so damn terrible. Your eyebags were even darker then usual, and you looked pale as a ghost. But you didn’t even try and do anything to make yourself presentable. All you had done since you woke up was to cover up the bruises on your neck and face with concealer, but that had become a daily ordeal now.  You sighed. How did your life become such a mess?  Last night was terrible. You didn’t even want to think about the party, or Jace, your boyfriend. You just wanted to spend some time with Karl, who, because of Jace, you haven’t even hung out with in a while. You could only hangout with him in the dead of night. You missed Karl’s presence and energy, but you felt like you were lying to him. You weren’t honest with him about anything. You weren’t honest to anyone anymore. About how your boyfriend didn’t let you hang out with Karl, how Jace goes through your phone and made you block all contact with a bunch of people.  “Y/N?” Karl’s voice rang through your house, interrupting your thoughts. You smiled. A while ago, before Jace, you had given Karl a spare key to your house in cause of anything else. Karl had been so honored that he never knocked anymore, because he felt “special”. No one else knew about Karl’s access to your house, not even Jace.  “Hey!” You stood up and went to the kitchen, where Karl was. He smiled at you, and tackled you into a hug. 

“It feels like forever since I last saw you,” Karl said, laughing. You smiled, weakly. I wonder why...

“Yeah, it’s been a while.” You said. You felt awkward. How were you supposed to tell him your overprotective boyfriend wasn’t letting you hang out with people? Jace didn’t even know about today.  Karl immediately saw something was off. “You alright?”  You tried to act surprised. “Of course!” You turned to lead him to your room. “Sorry, my house is a mess.” 

Karl laughed lightly. “That’s ok. What’s up with the outfit?”  “Hm?” You looked at him.”What’s wrong with my outfit?” You were wearing dark grey sweatpants and a black crew neck.  “No, no! Nothing’s wrong, i just normally don’t see you wear any dark colors,” Karl said quickly. “You look adorable though, as always.”  You forced another tight, pained smile. Jace had told you to cover your body, and to stop dressing like a whore. And to stop wearing colorful tops to attract attention.  Karl looked bothered at your silence. “Y/N...Are you sure you’re okay?”  “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” You looked at your messy room. “I’m fine.” That was about the 5th time you’ve said that this week.  Karl seemed to be able to tell you didn’t want to talk about it. “If your tired, we can reschedule. I mean, it’s 1 in the morning.” He flopped onto your bed.

“Nah, it’s ok” 

“You sure? What do you want to do, then? Do you want to get food?”  You remember back when you and Karl would get takeout together almost everyday. He would drive you both, because you were trash at driving, and you’d get Chipotle or whatever you were feeling, and park in the parking lot and eat. Other days you’d go to the lakeside and eat on the docks, watching the sunset.  But Jace could track your location. And he’d know you were with Karl, because you’d never get fast food on your own, since you hated ordering by yourself. And Jace had threatened about what he would do  if you hung out with Karl.  “I don’t really feel like it,” You lied. “I’m really tired.”  Karl looked surprised. “What? Y/N, are you sure you’re ok? You used to love getting drive through together.”  You forced another smile, and it felt fake even to you. “Like i said, I’m tired, alright? Maybe another day.”  “Y/N, I-” He stopped, and looked at you for a second, and furrowed his brows, and went silent. You awkwardly sat down next to him. 

Karl finally said after a minute. “Y/N, you can tell me anything, ok?”  You’d cry and breakdown and tell him everything if you could. But you didn’t.  “Karl, i’m fine, just tired, alright-”

“Y/N, cut the bullshit.”  You snapped your attention on him. Karl never swore, or snapped like this.  Karl got up and stood up in front of you. “I see the bruise.”  And you froze. Your mind went blank, giving you barely anything to think.

“Oh, y-yeah. H-haha, I b-b-bumped into my, uh, thing, the-”

“Y/N, I see what he’s been doing to you.” Karl said sharply.  There was no escape.  “Karl, what-”

“Y/N, please.”

You stopped. You heard how shaky his voice was. Karl was just as close to crying as you were.  “Y/N, where did you get that bruise?” Karl asked quietly.  “H-he-” You stuttered. And then you broke.  Months of angst and fear flooded through. Months of pretending everything was okay when it was the opposite. Months of ignoring your friends and family, and Karl. Just because of him. Jace.  You could feel Karl’s arms around you, as tears went down your face. Karl didn’t say anything, he just held you as you cried. Your tears were washing away all your makeup, but you didn’t care. It felt all your emotions from the past month finally broke the dam, and flooded out.  You slowly calmed down and pulled away from Karl’s embrace. Your mental breakdown just deemed on you.  “I-i’m sorry,” You stuttered. “I shouldn’t ha-”

“Y/N, stop,” Karl said gently. “It’s not your fault. None of it is.” He used his hoodie sleeve to wipe your tears. 

You hiccuped. “Fuck. He-he’s gonna-”

“He’s not gonna touch you again.” Karl assured you.  You buried your face back into Karl’s hoodie. Karl rubbed your back softly.  “Why’d you put up with that shit?” Karl mumbled to you.  “It was yesterday.” You said suddenly. “It happened yesterday.”  Karl looked at you. “Y/N, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”  You continued anyway. “We were at a party together, and another guy was standing to close to me. Ja-he grabbed me and pulled me outside, and yelled me, and called me a slut, a-” You stopped. Tears flooded out of your eyes again.

Karl put his head on yours. “That dick of a person. He’s not getting to you again. I promise.”  And you believed him. 

*** one month later ***

You and Karl were driving downtown, getting junk food from some unhealthy restaurant. You were slowly opening up again, to other people. Not to Karl. You were always open to Karl now. Music was playing, and the wind rustled through your hair. Karl drove, and you nodded your head to the song that was playing.  I see the bruise, I see the truth I see what he's been doin' to you

You hesitated, listening to the lyrics of the song.  Why'd you put up with that shit? Why'd you go back for that kiss? Maybe it tastes like him When you got tears in your lips

~ honestly, they didn’t bring it up very often.  ~ it didn’t change anything in your friendship. 

~ however, ranboo was always careful to ask how you were, and if you’ve been taking care of yourself.  ~ ranboo was also the first to ask you if anything would affect or trigger you.

~ tubbo didn’t know much about about epilepsy.  ~ “OH! so that’s what those flash warnings are for?”  ~ he would ask a lot of questions, respectfully,  of course.  ~ tommy was….well….tommy.

~ “WE CAN’T HAVE THAT HERE, MY DEAR FRIEND Y/N HAS EPILEPSY, AND-” 

~ ranboo would tell him to shut up and ask if you would be ok with whatever they were doing

~ if anything ever happened, which hopefully it didn’t, they were all super helpful and concerned.  ~ if you got lightheaded or a headache, ranboo or tubbo would immediately get you water. tommy would talk to you to keep you distracted 

~ he would even let you grip onto his hand. (only when no one was around)