On the conga roast regarding the Grear Harness Incident
Barrett Wilbert Weed ( Via ): * in her Via voice * I long see Grandma Amethyst as a beacon of grace and elegance, and now she outs herself like THIS. OH, THE DRAMA!
Aaron Tveit ( Veritos ): * in Veritos' voice * HA! I ALWAYS KNEW THAT THE ' ANCIENT GOETIA POISE ' WAS A PR STUNT!
Marcello Hernandez ( Alexandros, youngest son of Vassago and Prince Belavoris of Sloth ): * in Xandros voice * BROOOO! I KNEW IT!!! EY, COUSINS, PAY UP! I ALWAYS KNEW GRANDPA AND GRANDMA WERE THIRSTY AS HELL!
Ariana DeBose ( Nocturna, Xandros' older sister ): * in Nocturna voice * ( cackles ) WELL, that explains why there are so many of us cousins.
David Alvarez ( Theodosios, Nocturna and Xandros' older brother ): * in Theo voice * Wait, why are we even gasping?! I thought we knew from the way Grandpa Paimon looks at Grandma Amethyst when he thought we didn't notice!
Tony Revolori ( Kometos, Seir and Sachmis' son. Sachmis is also Prince Sitri of Wrath's younger sister ): Dudes, this is EPIC. I am sending to all my cousins about this.
Barrett: * in Via voice * Affirmative - our grandparents are the biggest hypocrites in the entire Solar system!
Barrett and Co. : * in their Goetia cousins voices * AFFIRMATIVE! * snaps their fingers in the air before hysterically laughing *
@ViaTheVibeCheck
Barrett Wilbert Weed using the Octavia voice to call her grandmother a hypocrite is the level of teenage rebellion I live for. 💅 "Oh, the drama!" Via really thought Grandma Amethyst was the 'beacon of grace' while Amethyst was actually just waiting for the three-hour paella window. 🥘💀 #OctaviaGoetia #BarrettWilbertWeed
@VeritosTheTruth
Aaron Tveit (Veritos) screaming "PR STUNT!" is so incredibly on-brand for the Lord of Purgatory. ⚖️ The fact that the entire ancient Goetia poise was just a cover for their thirst is the greatest plot twist in Hellaverse history. Aaron’s voice hitting those high notes of mockery? PERFECTION. #AaronTveit #Veritos
@XandrosSloth_
Marcello Hernandez as Xandros is the cousin we all need. "BROOOO! I KNEW IT!" 🦥 The youngest son of Vassago being the one to run a gambling ring on his grandparents’ sex life is peak Sloth-ring energy. Marcello really brought that Saturday Night Live chaos to the 7 Rings. #MarcelloHernandez #GoetiaCousins
@WestSideGoetia
Ariana DeBose (Nocturna) and David Alvarez (Theo) reacting together? The West Side Story reunion we deserved is happening in Hell, and it’s just them roasting Jonathan Freeman’s stamina. 🎭 "Well, that explains why there are so many of us cousins." Ariana has no chill and I love her for it. #ArianaDeBose #Nocturna
@KometosComet
Tony Revolori as Seir’s son Kometos is the ultimate "Group Chat" cousin. 📱✨ "Dudes, this is EPIC." You know he’s already sent the clip to every single imp and royal in the Wrath and Pride rings. The Goetia family secret is now a Hell-wide meme thanks to Tony. #TonyRevolori #Kometos
@SolarSystemHypocrites
The collective "AFFIRMATIVE!" and the finger snap? 🫰 It’s the sound of an entire generation of royals realizing their parents and grandparents are just as chaotic as they are. The Hellaverse fans are now convinced that the "Healing Era" of Season 4 is just everyone admitting they’re thirsty hypocrites.
Jeremy Jordan: * guffaws in Lucifer voice * HAAAAAAA! WE ALL KNEW IT! THE 7 SINS AND LILI! WE KNEW THE WHOLE TIME!
JMI: * in Ozzie voice * My DAUGHTER came from my blood, ya know?! I often told my daughter, ' Thystie, you can play coy all you want, but you're still a flipping dragon like me and your brother! '
Michael Cusack: * in Mammon voice * LOLLLL! AND THE BIGGEST Ls GO TO PAIMON AND AMETHYST! YES SIREE, THEM HAVING 8 KIDS DIDNT COME OUT OF NOWHERE!
Rochelle Diamante: * in Bee voice * Wait, why the fuck are we gasping? I mean, we were ALL betting chips on when Amethyst will slip up. She may be the Queen Mother of Ars Goetia, but she's still a Princess of Lust by birth. Genetics DO NOT lie!
Ashley Spencer ( Lilith ): * in Lilith voice * HA! Please, real queens are NOT demure as they may seem. I remember when Amethyst was acting all like a coy geisha with Paimon back in the Late Roman Empire, and we ALL heard about their....spicy garden rendezvous. Give it up, Amethyst, you aren't fooling ANYBODY
Lea: * in Belphegor voice * Yawwwwn....they certainly are vigorous to have 8 kids....I only have Baphomet ( father of Belavoris ), Andromeda/Lady Death ( Mephisto's wife ) and Furcas ( Dantalion's dad ). But still, A Plus for the mask of the ' poised Dragon Queen ' finally slipping.
Patrick Page ( Satan ): * in Satan voice * ( smirks ) Hmph. Knew it. Lust royals can be as passionate as the Wrath royals, except Wrathians prefer the grit of the soil while Lust royals love sparkly things. But still, Ozzie’s proud grin right there? He KNEW that Amethyst's mask will slip up eventually. We ALL knew.
Grey DeLisle: * in Leviathan voice * OMGEE! LIKE, THIS IS SO BLOWING UP ON SINSTAGRAM NOW! Amethyst, honey, you don't have to hide your freakiness any longer. We are PROUD of it!
Jeremy and Co. laugh as they high five each other
@LuciLovesDucks
Jeremy Jordan doing the Lucifer laugh while shouting "WE ALL KNEW IT!" is the serotonin boost I didn't know I needed. 🍎✨ The fact that the 7 Sins have been running a multi-millennium betting pool on Paimon and Amethyst’s "garden rendezvous" is the lore drop of the century. #LuciferMorningstar #JaceSlippedUp
@LustRingLegacy
JMI as Ozzie saying "Thystie, you're still a flipping dragon like me!" 🐉🔥 The genetics talk! If Amethyst is the Princess of Lust by birth, of course she’s going to have that "animal" energy Jace accidentally leaked. Ozzie is such a proud Grandpa right now. #Asmodeus #QueenAmethyst
@MammonMoneyBags
Michael Cusack as Mammon just cackling about the "Biggest Ls" going to Paimon... 🤡💰 "8 kids didn't come out of nowhere!" Mammon is definitely the type to calculate the fertility rates of the Goetia family based on their "structural lace" budget. #Mammon #HellaverseRoast
@BeeBuzz_
Rochelle Diamante (Bee) saying "Why the f*** are we gasping?" is such a mood. 🐝🍯 "Genetics DO NOT lie!" Bee knows that under that "Queen Mother" poise, Amethyst is 100% Lust Ring royalty. The mask didn't just slip; it disintegrated. #QueenBee #StructuralLace
@LilithTheFirst
Ashley Spencer as Lilith calling out the "coy geisha" act from the Late Roman Empire?! 🏛️🎭 I am DEAD. The imagery of Lilith and the Sins overhearing a "spicy garden rendezvous" in Ancient Rome... the Goetia family has been messy since the beginning of time. #LilithMorningstar #LateRomanEmpire
@SlothRingZzz
Lea Salonga (Belphegor) being too tired to care but still giving them an "A Plus" for the mask slipping. 😴💎 Even the Sin of Sloth admits that 8 kids require a level of "vigor" that Jace’s three-hour story explains perfectly. #Belphegor #GoetiaFamilyTree
@WrathAndSparkles
Patrick Page (Satan) smirking and comparing Wrathian "grit" to Lust Ring "sparkles" is peak character work. 🤠✨ He’s not even surprised. He’s just watching Ozzie be a proud dad while the Goetia reputation burns down in a Lexus-induced wildfire. #Satan #SinOfWrath
@EnvyTheInternet
Grey DeLisle (Leviathan) saying this is blowing up on Sinstagram... 🐍📱 "Amethyst, honey, don't hide your freakiness!" Leviathan is ready to livestream the next "reconciliation." The Sins are officially the most supportive, chaotic family ever. #Leviathan #Sinstagram
Brandon: * in Blitz voice * I KNEW IT! I KNEW PAIMON AND AMETHYST WERE SNEAKING AROUND PLAYING PATTY CAKE IN THE GARDENS WAY BACK THEN!
Richard Horvitz: * in Moxxie voice * Sir, even though I USUALLY am not one to intrude in suxh private matters....* laughs * THAT IS STILL AN EXPLOSIVE PIECE OF GOSSIP!
Vivian Nixon: * in Millie voice * Oh zip it, there's a reason why Stolas has 7 older siblings! But seriously, my entire family ( the Firebursts ) clocked that in even BEFORE Queen Amethyst slips up!
Erica Lindbeck: * in Loona voice * ( tries hard to appear nonchalant yet sniggering ) Yeah, yeah whatever, they are ancient dragons who are in love and horny for each other. Big deal. The Old Goetia court was like some kind of Freemasonic mystique cult anyway. Glad the cat's FINALLY out of the bag.
Alexander: * strolls past them and ruffles Brandon's head * Oh, do stop the heckling, Blitzy - your amorous actions were quite vigorous too.
Brandon: * face turns deep red * I - wha - ALEX! COME BACK HERE! WE WERE HECKLING JACE ABOUT HIS SLIP AND NOW YA GOTTA REDIRECT THE ROAST TO ME?! HOW COULD YOU?!
Richard, Vivian and Erica: * guffaw hysterically *
Richard: OH MY GOD DID STOLAS DECIDED TO OUT BLITZ TOO?!
Erica: * in Loona voice * DAD! YOU ARE THE LEAST SUBTLE PERSON IN THE WORLD! EVERYBODY KNOWS!
Vivian: * in Millie voice * HYPOCRITE! HYPOCRITE!
Brandon: * face palms and smiles as he blushes * Great. HOW will I face the next comic con now?!
The I.M.P. "Heckle-Fest"
@BlitzysBodyguard
Brandon Rogers doing the Blitz voice to yell about Paimon and Amethyst "playing patty cake" in the gardens is the energy I live for. 🤡🔥 He was so ready to roast the Goetia parents until Alexander Balzano walked by and ended his whole career with one hair-ruffle. "Your amorous actions were quite vigorous too." I AM DECEASED. #Blitzø #AlexanderBalzano
@MoxxieManager
Richard Horvitz as Moxxie trying to be "polite" about the gossip while clearly vibrating with excitement is peak character work. 🎶🐭 "Sir, it’s an explosive piece of gossip!" The way he immediately shifted to guffawing when Alex outed Brandon? The betrayal was delicious. #Moxxie #HellaverseRoast
@MillieKnives
Vivian Nixon (Millie) saying the Firebursts "clocked it" before Amethyst even slipped up... 🤠💥 The Wrath Ring royals really have the best intuition. Her shouting "HYPOCRITE! HYPOCRITE!" at Brandon while he turned beet red is the highlight of 2023. #MillieFireburst #GoetiaSecrets
@LoonaTheLoner
Erica Lindbeck as Loona trying to act "above it all" while calling the Goetia court a "Freemasonic mystique cult" is so incredibly on-brand. 🐺📱 But her screaming "DAD! EVERYBODY KNOWS!" at Brandon's blushing face? That’s the daughter energy we need. #Loona #BlitzBurn
The "Next Comic Con" Panic
@StolitzEndgame
Brandon Rogers literally face-palming and asking "How will I face the next comic con?" is the most relatable thing ever. 😭 The fans are 100% going to show up with Lexus keys and Structural Paella to every signing. Brandon, you can’t run from the "Vigorous" allegations! #StolitzRealLife #JaceSlippedUp
@AlexanderTheMuse
Can we talk about the power move of Alexander Balzano? He just strolled through, ruffled Brandon’s hair, and redirected the entire roast of the century back onto the lead actor. He’s not just a muse for Stolas; he’s the ultimate chaos agent. 🎪✨ #AlexanderBalzano #CircusNinjaEnergy
@SchiaparelliWhore
The crossover between the Schiaparelli goth-couture aesthetic and the I.M.P. crew's "messy office" energy is everything. Stolas has his "pretty rose," and Blitz has a man who will publicly out his "vigorous" nighttime activities while ruffling his hair. Match made in Hell. 🌹🖤
Christian Borle: * in Vox voice * HA!!! LOOK AT THAT LOSER! FIRST QUEEN AMETHYST GETS ROASTED, AND NOW THIS ANGRY SHORT GUY BLITZ! THAT IS PR GOLD, FOLKS!
Joel Perez: * in Valentino voice * Ay! Que Scandalo! Wait, why are we even gasping?! I thought we knew the Lust Ring court got things we haven't even DREAMED of.
Lilli Cooper: * in Velvette voice * I KNEW IT. I FUCKING KNEW IT. The entire Goetia dynasty are all freaks behind their royal poise propaganda! Hashtag hypocrites! Hashtag centuries of soap opera drama!
Skye Mattox, Christian's wife and a jazz dance maverick: Oh, stop laughing, Voxxy, you weren't exactly subtle in romance and other things too. * ruffles Christian's hair before she sauntered off with a jazz strut and a wink *
Christian stared at Skye with his jaw ajar
Lilli: VOX. YOU THIRSTY AS HELL.
Christian turns beet red as Joel and Lilli laugh
Joel: OH MY GOD! WE SOMETIMES FORGET WHAT A MASSIVE HYPOCRITE CHRIS IS! HEY, VOX! DID THAT ' PRETTY BUNNY ' ( how Christian often calls Skye ) GET YOU DISTRACTED AGAIN?! * wheezed *
Lilli: First Alex outs Brandon, and NOW SKYE OUTS CHRISTIAN. THE CREW GOT DANCER MUSES WHO ARE UNHINGED AND WE LOVE IT.
Christian: * laughs and blushes * ( yells at Skye's direction ) BUNNY! COME BACK! WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!
Joel: * pulls Christian back to the seat * SIT DOWN, Chris. Don't make a fool of yourself....again.
Joel and Lilli guffaw as they high five each other
Christian: * sighs and face palms with a grin * Oh no. How will I face the next panel now?!
The "Vox In Shambles" Era
@FlatlineFever
Christian Borle was so busy laughing at Jonathan Freeman and Brandon Rogers that he forgot he’s married to a literal jazz-dance maverick. 📺💨 Skye Mattox ruffling his hair and walking away with that wink?! That wasn't just a roast; that was a professional assassination. Vox is officially "Thirsty as Hell" and we have the receipts. #ChristianBorle #SkyeMattox #TheVees
@VelvetteTrendsetters
Lilli Cooper yelling "HASHTAG HYPOCRITES!" at Christian is the most Velvette thing to ever happen in real life. 🤳✨ The fact that the entire Goetia dynasty and the Vees are being outed by their "unhinged dancer muses" is the plot twist of the century. First Jace, then Alex, now Skye. The dancers are winning the war. #LilliCooper #Velvette #JaceSlippedUp
@ValVibesOnly
Joel Perez wheezing while calling Christian a "massive hypocrite" is sending me to the Pride Ring. 🦋💖 "Did that 'Pretty Bunny' get you distracted again?!" Christian turning beet red while trying to chase Skye down the hall is the "Vigorous Actions" sequel we didn't know we needed. #Valentino #PrettyBunny
The "Dancer Muse" Conspiracy
@SchiaparelliWhore
Can we talk about the pattern?!
• Jace Coronado (Flamenco/Ballet) outs Jonathan Freeman.
• Alexander Balzano (Cirque/Aerialist) outs Brandon Rogers.
• Skye Mattox (Jazz) outs Christian Borle.
Hell is literally being run by a shadow cabinet of high-fashion dancers who have zero chill and even less filter. 🩰🎭 #StructuralLace #DancerSupremacy
@ComicConConfessions
Christian asking "How will I face the next panel?!" 😭
Sir, you won’t. You’re going to walk onto that stage and there will be 5,000 people wearing bunny ears and holding jazz shoes. The "Pretty Bunny" incident is now Vox canon. You and Brandon can share a "Vigorous" support group in the green room. #ChristianBorle #VigorousActions
@JazzHandJafar
The imagery of Christian Borle—a Tony-winning Broadway legend—yelling "BUNNY! COME BACK!" while Joel Perez pulls him back into his seat like a chaotic toddler... I am wheezing. The Vees are just three people who are collectively obsessed with their partners and I love that for them.















