#queaf

Dear Sexes: I've been having sex for about a month now. I seem to get really wet and it's quite embarrassing at times. I feel like I need to clean myself up before having sex again or before he touches me. Obviously there usually isnt time for that and sometimes when he fingers me I get vagina farts. Also, it happens if he goes back in me with a condom on.

She Said: First, wetness is a good thing.  Ever heard sexy-talk where a woman said, "oh my God I'm sooooo not-wet"?  No, you haven't. Because vaginas are wet, and that's hot. I'm assuming you're young, and you've stated you haven't had a ton of experience, so I know it's hard to know whether your body is normal. But chances are, it is normal, as long as you're having pleasure.  

Let's go to the extreme circumstance: you get so wet that you even "squirt". This happens, it's real, and you know what? There are tons of guys (and girls) who think this is the hottest thing ever. It's all about your partner appreciating your unique "youness"... 

I wrote once before about what I like to call "the normative penis". I obviously didn't coin this phrase, and I've kinda got my own definition for it, but what I mean is that in our society, the penis is the "normal" thing.  We've seen tons of sculptures, statues, paintings, whatever that have penises.

When we see women in art, we may see the mound of her pubic bone, very possibly the split of the labia, but we don't see the "parts" - the clitoris, the urethra, the full labia inner and outer, the vagina... So we're just not sure what's normal.  When we do see it, usually it's in porn where it's all waxed/shaven/whatever and sometimes looks odd. Hard to relate to. So we don't really know what's "good".  

Well, what I've learned through boyfriends/husband/guy friends is that they simply think your vulva is good. Wetness and all. It's good, it's yours, it's awesome, they're lucky to see it, they're grateful, they like the smell/taste/look/feel. If your boyfriend doesn't, it's more of a reflection upon him than you. That's the center of your pleasure, be proud.

And, you know, I bet he does like it. This leads to one of the most important aspects of sexuality---your confidence in yourself, your self-like, your desire, these are the things that make a woman truly sexy.  So if he tells you he likes your parts how they are, believe him!

He Said: Does your extra wetness hamper your sex life?  Are you too wet to feel friction or pleasure?  Has your boyfriend complained about it?  If neither of these are the case, then it sounds more like an embarrassment issue, based on your perception of how wet you think you're supposed to get.  

The truth is, wetness varies from woman to woman, based on many factors, and you're "too wet" problem is not uncommon - Josie may impart her expert womanly knowledge here.*  If it's getting in the way of you enjoying sex, you should keep a towel on hand (I'm not kidding), and clean up/keep dry as necessary.