Noodleburg woke up soggy and stunned when a neon-hot McPortal burst through the rain outside 83EN9 St St. Witnesses report a kid in rubber boots poking the glow with a rainbow umbrella. Result: flying fries, orbiting nuggets, and a golden arch humming like an angry kazoo.

Folks with corporate-issue umbrellas stood by, maybe hoping for a buy-one-get-rescued deal. Scientists (the ones still awake) warn the portal could start spitting out McFlurries at relativistic speed. City Hall has already drafted emergency ketchup zoning.

Stay tuned. If reality keeps deep-frying itself, we’ll let you know.

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Top comments from Noodleburg readers:

“Mayor says it’s fine as long as the fries stay crispy.”

“Can we negotiate for vegan nuggets before the universe congeals?”