#qplm

Starring:

My cat!

Adderall(TM)!

The menstrual cycle!

The desperate desire not to have my friends see the state of trash I live in!

Johnny Bravo!

Back-up Monster Energy Drinks(TM)!

The Void!

~and~

My Mentally-Ill Avoidant Ass

qplm: u ok?

me: yeah, winter mental health death spiral

qplm: same

cons of qplm also being mentally ill

me: i'm not surprised. they're trying to kill us all off anyways

coworker: cein, you are the most paranoid person i've ever met!

me: ???

later, emailing back and forth

qplm: I'm not sure what is up with people today? Rude demanding entitles and on a societal scale, violent

me: It’s got to be something in the air or something. It’s not just customers. It’s the world in general.

qplm: Seriously.

me: Lmao I’m not paranoid at all

qplm: Not as paranoid as [coworker] says. He tells me i'm overy parinoid all the time. Told me once I was one of those girls that always thinks she will be r***d. I didnt tell him that actually happened. I think he thinks we are more relatable than what we actually are since he has no idea you've actually been followed and stalked by [my dad] and I attract every bad situation you could imagine

me: Right? I’ll admit, I do get paranoid, but I can usually recognize it. Like around when I was moving and my brain decided that you, Angela, and Raye had been pretending to be my friends for some reason. Like not even a reason given, just For Reasons that didn’t even feel malignant.

me: Logically, I knew that wasn’t true and wasn’t even plausible so I ignored it. Because there was absolutely 0 reason for that to be true and it was just my head making shit up. That’s the kind of things I get Paranoid over. The things I get called “paranoid” for are all things that aren’t just possible, they are things I have gone through or are things I have evidence for or reason to believe could happen. They are completely different things.

qplm: Oh! lol I was wondering why you were asking about that a few months ago. I thought it was because of Steph and shit talker who put on a friendly face at work. I think given those circumstances it is reasonable that you would wonder that about your closest friends. It's a natural defense. But we love you and are for real your friends.

me: Well that probably didn’t help lol.

me: I know that though

qplm: Love you!!

and i haven’t really been feeling anything since. not entirely new, but it’s been a while. so i haven’t been able to Respond properly. i’ve been slow on the uptake and i know my excitement for what she’s gotten me for christmas has fallen flat. everything has been falling flat.

she took her ten while i was on my lunch today for the opportunity to talk to me one-on-one and see if i was okay. i said i was. she accepted it. i’m still falling flat. i’m too out of practice or too out of energy with the fake emoting thing

and part of it’s probably the shooting, and part of it is that it’s winter again.

coworker: ugggghhhh

me: ??? u ok

coworker: girly time sucks

me: O_O don't give it to me i s2g

coworker: ? i thought you were ahead of me

qplm: u know how cein is always hella early for shit? well it's because their body doesn't get time and cein overcompensates. they skipped like 3 months in a row last year for no apparent reason

cein: um! the reason is obviously cuz i'm not Girl enough often enough to get enough holes in my lady punch card to maintain a regular schedule

qplm: ... i want to disagree but i don't know enough science to refute you