hi! so, first of all, i love your khajiit art, it's awesome to see someone expanding on khajiit lore in such a thoughtful and interesting way. second of all, i have been looking for ages for any information on marriage in khajiit culture and i have found little. obviously there ARE marriages in elsweyr, but i wanna know traditions: what clothes are worn, what kinds of rings are exchanged, if any, what foods are eaten, etc. but i cant find anything! do you have opinions on this? i'd love to hear!
thank you very much! i can't help with official lore sources (since ESO came out i stopped following that :')) but i do have my own headcanons on the matter!
marriages are a big deal when it involves the linking of two notable families/clans. in the northern regions, where clans are more important to everyday life and social structure, notable members marrying are grounds for large celebrations and larger amounts of discourse between family heads. expected topics include with whom the family will live, how both spouses fit the clan's skill and values and of course, how [insert party currently talking] is better than [insert the other clan involved]
marriages are more important by the greater families union they provide than other aspects surrounding the actual individuals. as a strongly communal society, to khajiit, marrying is first and foremost to officialize your relationship with a partner in relation to what that means for your families. the formation of elsweyr itself under that name happened with a marriage, and that historical example is propped up by some as what should be the cultural standard.
when a marriage does happen, it's a huge party. both sides of the couple's family come over to show off and have fun. it's a good occasion to meet other people and demonstrate the skills and power of you and your clan. as with all big parties, there will be guests who have nothing to do with either families coming too! those party crashers can just come for fun, but some attend to make connections and deals while taking advantage of the events.
romance, sex and having kids are not that tied to the concept. for marriages between important people, if they do have kids matters a lot but it's not that linked to the marriage in itself. khajiit are not very strict when it comes to why and how you have your lovers. it isn't a shame to have sex outside of marriage (including if you end up with kids), and if you are indeed married and want a lover, the big deal won't be ruining a sanctity of marriage, but more what your partner thinks of it. it is however considered unsightly to marry someone you do not have some feelings for, as well as marrying your friend for each other's benefits. again, greater family above all
who was there when it happens and how much you talk about your union are probably the most important factors for officializing it all. divorce isn't really a thing because khajiit aren't bureaucratic. if your marriage falls apart, it's up to you to make it clear you are ending it and face the likely familial backlash. it is however completely acceptable to marry several times - if your spouse is gone, if you find a better one... if that latter case applies and both sides don't remarry, the one who doesn't might get a bad rep. marriages between more than two people aren't a social norm, and while you might have a clan mother who celebrates that, it is rare and polyamoursly inclined khajiit tend to not marry at all and just stay lifelong lovers with their partners.
The only place in my personal khajiit musings where I explored marriage was for my own characters - Ma'Jahrann's parents, Elaahni and Qa'Husar. In those two, each hails from a very different culture - Elaahni is from a more traditionalist mid-sized Anequina clan, and Qa'Husar is from the southern parts with a more cosmopolitan structure, born to a small immediate family who dissolved as he grew up. Their marriage was a bit of a deal when it happened. Elaahni was a local celebrity and her family didn't see too kindly the nobody from those big humid cities marrying their daughter. Qa'Husar himself had to face acquiring a gigantic extended family overnight which he had no experience with. Both ended up fucking off to a smaller town where they settled on an in-between of living a settled lifestyle close with the local community, with Elaahni's close relatives visiting when they saw fit.
