#q's face

sdihgruiserhgiuhrg ay this is the best video i’ve ever seen i’m fckn crying

I hate myself most of the time. But I still like how I look, even though the dysphoria is still very real. It’s a weird feeling, knowing that you look nice on the outside but still feeling… off? Still feeling not quite like yourself. So here are some pictures of me looking completely femme as fuck. Because dysphoria doesn’t control me.

My cat willingly chose to sit on me for the first time and I got a little excited

My cat willingly chose to sit on me for the first time and I got a little excited

So my flag finally came in the mail and I was so happy! (He / Him)

Bonus ! My face !

Presentation is weird as hell, especially when what you like doesn't necessarily reflect what a man is "supposed" to be. I love makeup. I love dresses and painting my nails and wearing flowery clothes. Growing up, I thought I was a princess. I love pink everything and I was obsessed with dolls. Now that I know that I'm a guy, it's very hard balancing out what I know I like with how I want to be seen. I know that I could go out wearing that dress or with a full face of makeup and that wouldn't make me any less of a guy. But I know how I will be seen, especially by people I've come out to. And it's not even just that. It's the dysphoria that comes with dressing in a what is considered a very "feminine" way. Some days, when the dysphoria isn't completely overwhelming, I'm totally cool with wearing makeup and it actually makes me feel really good. I can go out without a binder and wear a dress and I'm fine. Others, I just want to curl up in a hoodie and not have to look at myself. My face, my chest, my voice- everything about myself makes me uncomfortable. Some days, I'm in between both and I don't feel like being a person at all. My gender itself doesn't fluctuate at all. I feel like a guy, even on days when I'm presenting in a "feminine" way. I just feel so pressured to present in a certain way now that I'm out and it's really suffocating. Nothing I do makes me feel 100% comfortable anymore because the dysphoria is always hanging over my head. I know that I'm never going to be fully comfortable with my appearance until I can go on hormones and bums me out a lot. I know that I'm me regardless of how I'm presenting. I just so desperately want to be seen as I am.

Bought a new dress after work today. Sister said I look kind of like Velma from Scooby Doo. 😂 Today had been surprisingly chill. I worked a nine hour shift today but I felt pretty okay throughout the entire day. Excited for the future, ready to move on from this town, my school, my job. The anxiety is fading to anticipation- and it's very strange. 😄