#pzayne

Louis wasn't back yet, he hadn't been back all day or the night previous. He was out with Eleanor was all Harry knew, out with his girlfriend with the pretty smile and beautiful hair and dainty fingers that grasped Louis' biceps whenever they got the chance. The thought of it made Harry's tongue swirl harshly against his teeth and he punched through television stations again.

He knew Louis was with Eleanor still, as his phone had buzzed almost an hour ago with a twitter update.

Louis Tomlinson @Louis_Tomlinson

Tree number 2 done !! Feeling Christmasy now !! Good work @eleanorjcalder :) pic.twitter.com/OmYYn5t9

Harry glanced behind the couch to the large green pine sat in the corner of his and Louis' living room, decorated with twinkling lights and candy canes and very few ornaments. Tree number 1. Harry clung to that.

It was still a week and a half til Christmas and Louis' birthday and generally all feel-good holiday celebrations, but tonight Harry only felt bitter. Defeated. Deflated. The boys had a few days off until the weekend and Harry had been spending time with Taylor in London until she left for home on Friday. He didn't mind it, really, as he didn't mind much of anything. Spending time with Taylor was relaxed and pleasant, time out with a new friend. A friend you had to walk close to and hold hands with a majority of the time, but it was all for a good cause. Album sales, good press, all benefiting the band. The big guys had told Harry it'd be over in a month and a half anyway, so who was he to complain? He had one more day of being out with Taylor, then he'd take her to the airport on Friday and get ready for Louis' early birthday party, which he was extraordinarily looking forward to. An evening of fun with Louis and friends and family. And Louis. Time seemed to crawl towards it all week and it was starting to drive Harry insane. The anticipation mixed with the amount of time Louis had spent out and away from him was really starting to drive Harry insane.

A sharp click in the lock and turn of the front door handle snapped Harry's head around, but he didn't go to greet Louis. He was still feeling miffed at the whole situation.

Louis came to the open doorway and leaned against the frame, rubbing his hands for warmth. "Aye, mate."

"Hi," Harry tried to sound cheerful but figured Louis wouldn't be able to tell either way.

He heard Louis leave the living room and make his way to the kitchen without another word and Harry smashed a pillow to his face and let out a frustrated groan.

He simply wanted to be with Louis, was that truly so difficult a task for the universe to handle? Things had been... stretched with them the few past months. Louis had been quieter around him and pulled that weird face where he raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips before quickly stretching his face into a smile with a look in his eyes that said, "What? Haha nothing's wrong here!" It drove Harry mad. He knew Louis felt uncomfortable dealing with the LouisAndHarry mania that the fans pushed but Harry truly didn't know why. He didn't mind it a bit, sort of loved it actually. It was like a reality escape. But Harry unfortunately had actual reality to deal with.

He stood and went to the kitchen following Louis, who already had the kettle on the stove and was sorting through the cabinet for a mug. Harry opened the fridge and ducked down as if searching for something in particular, just for something to do. He grabbed a half-empty Coke that he truly wasn't sure who it'd been opened by, and Louis flashed him a smile as he stood against the counter.

"Getting cold out," Louis said.

Harry nodded and sipped.

"Cuppa?" Louis gestured to the kettle.

"I'm good."

They stood in silence and Harry wanted to scream. Louis began drumming an erratic rhythm on his thighs and sang under his breath while he waited for the water to boil, and Harry stared at the lip of the Coke bottle as if it were going to tell him everything he needed to know. He just wanted to talk to Louis, his Louis, like he used to. Before there were questions to answer and problems to solve and feelings to sort out. He needed to start with something.

"How was... tree decorating?" Harry asked delicately.

"Yeah, really good," Louis said. He smiled and said something about Eleanor's family but Harry's mind seemed to block it out.

"Good drive?"

Louis' brow cinched and he chuckled lightly at the weirdly casual question. "It was good, yeah. Same as always."

The kettle began whistling and Louis shut the heat off to quiet it down, then sloshed the water around a bit inside like he always did for no reason.

Harry desperately wanted to keep talking with him, so he asked the question that still felt bitter on his tongue even after more than a year. "And how's Eleanor?"

"She's great. Excited for Christmas already."

Harry nodded and kept his face impassive, something he had found he really had to work on.

Louis stood next to the stove preparing his tea, milk already sitting on the counter, and Harry simply... stared. Louis' fringe was down today, but still sticking up and in place and in need of a washing. The stubble from his chin had crawled under his jawline, and god, Harry wanted to touch it. Wanted to run his hand over the skin and feel it prick his palm, wanted to curl his fingers around the back of Louis' neck and smooth his thumb just at the bottom of Louis' ear. And he wanted to pull Louis in close, so close he could wrap his arms around the both of them so that he would know Louis was there, there with him, there there there.

Harry leaned his arm towards the stove and set his Coke down next to it, sidling closer to Louis, who was blowing on his tea and taking his first taste now.

"Sure you don't want some? It's the best in winter like this."

"I might later," Harry said, and just being this bit closer to Louis made him grin brightly. Louis smiled and flicked Harry's dimple.

Louis turned to leave then and, desperately, Harry said the first string of words that came to his mind, a slightly choked, "I like ours better."

Louis turned back to Harry and said, "Hm?"

Harry licked his lips. "Our tree," he gestured in the direction of the living room. "It's better."

"Oh really?" Louis raised his brows and was ready to banter. "And what exact criteria lead you to that decision?"

"Well," Harry began, pretending to think very hard. "For one, it's bigger. Nice and tall and full of branches."

Louis gave him that point.

"Ours also has more lights on it. The lights are the best part, that's what makes it bright. So we win that."

Louis acted like he was hesitant and silently thinking it over, but gave Harry the point anyway.

Harry chuckled. "And thirdly, it's in our house. We did it together and it's here and we get to see it everyday. That's what makes it the best."

Instead of acknowledging that Harry had supported his case with undeniable evidence and awarding him the victory with great pomp and circumstance like Harry thought he would, Louis just looked. He gazed at Harry with silent eyes and chewed his lower lip, which caught Harry's attention almost immediately. Nothing was said for a few very long moments, and Harry opened his mouth to speak again when Louis caught him off with a sudden hum of agreement and that infuriating fake smile. He backed away from Harry and took a gulp of tea. "Well, I guess I can't argue with that." His voice was quiet and he made for the door.

"Louis." Louis kept walking and Harry suddenly felt very scared. "Lou?"

Harry heard a sigh and Louis scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah?" He didn't turn around.

Harry licked his lips and walked around the island to Louis and put a hand on his arm. Louis flinched.

"Louis..."

"Harry!" Louis sounded exasperated and and exhausted and his eyes looked a little frightened. He moved around Harry and took his mug to the sink, emptying its contents and rinsing it quickly.

This was it, oh god. Harry didn't want this to be it, he wasn't ready for it. He had known for months, forever really, that the time was going to come when he and Louis inevitably had to talk about everything going on with them, all the touches, the looks, the everything. But it was like defusing a bomb with your voice, literally one wrong word and the explosion would destroy everything. It'd be ruined, they'd be ruined. And Harry didn't want that more than he wanted he and Louis to be happy.

So Harry was going to apologize, just let it all be over quickly and gently. He couldn't just leave and let it go without saying anything, that would be awkward and lead to later awkwardness. So he approached Louis slowly, got very close without touching him, and said, "I-"

Louis turned around sharply and Harry's voice failed him. Louis looked shakey, wary, and terrified. His face was filled with absolute panic and Harry simply stared at him unable to continue.

"Har- Can we jus- S- Don't-" Louis looked like a trapped rabbit facing a farmer with a shotgun and Harry had no idea what to do.

"Lou, whoa, Louis..." Harry gently grabbed Louis' wrist out of habit, and although Louis didn't jerk away this time, he sighed very brokenly. His eyes darted from Harry's face to the kitchen door like he had only seconds to make a very important decision. Harry felt strangely brutal, like he was hurting Louis, so he let Louis go and held his hands up slightly in a gesture of surrender and took a few steps away. Louis sighed again, this time with some annoyance and Harry was pretty sure he had rolled his eyes. Louis darted from his former cage between Harry and the counter and as he made for the door, Harry took his place and rubbed his face with his hands. He muttered a defeated, "Sorry."

Three long strides and Louis was in front of Harry's long body, slamming his lips onto Harry's whose shout of surprise was quickly engulfed by Louis' mouth. His eyes were tightly squeezed shut and his hands clasped Harry's face. Every part of Harry's body except his lips felt frozen, but Louis was doing most of the work there anyway. But knowing that if Louis didn't get a response soon, he'd falter and stop altogether. So pushing away the feeling of every cell in his body being alive and alert and out of control, Harry kissed back with equal force.

Louis leaned into him even more than he already was, moving them another step back and into the counter. Harry leaned backwards to keep up with the momentum and his head made contact with one of the cabinets but Louis didn't seem to notice. His tongue was in Harry's mouth and it swirled in every direction as Harry breathed hot and low into Louis. Harry had to use his ab muscles to keep himself connected to Louis' mouth and it caused his hips to buck up into Louis' and his body exploded at the friction. Louis keened into Harry's mouth and slammed his hand on the counter as he desperately tried not to reciprocate the pleasurable motion. Both mouths were hungry for every inch of heat they could find and Harry's hands had wound around Louis' strong back and were slowly pulling him in closer, still closer, until-

Louis' phone sprang to life on the counter beside them, vibrating and playing his ringtone loudly. Louis' eyes opened sharply and watched as Harry's, so achingly close to him he could count his eyelashes, fluttered up to meet his. After one last second Louis stepped back and separated them completely, scooping up his phone and silencing the call. He looked at the screen and seemed to deflate and solidify at once before Harry's eyes. Sticking the phone in his pocket and worrying his lips, Louis looked anywhere but at Harry. 

He scratched his face and ran a hand through his hair. "You should talk to Taylor. About tomorrow." His feet carried him around the island and out the kitchen door at last and Harry distantly heard a door close a minute later.