So my "therapists" growing up unofficially diagnosed me with pyromania when i was like 9 i think, they told my parents i'd grow out of it, obviously it's "just a phase" like my sexuality lmao, whatever. They tried doing whatever they could to hide it, it didn't work very well (duh) and tbh I struggled HARD with the whole impulse side of things from like age 11-17, and tbh (again) i didn't expect to actually live into adulthood. Anyway, I'm an adult now, i'm in my 30's, being a child diagnosed with pyromania? ezpz, they'll get over it, HOWEVER, my parents didn't expect 20 year old me to still be out in the middle of the night fucking around and burning shit, or sitting in the back yard and burning shit, and *god forbid* hiding in the bathroom and burning shit in the bathtub, but lmao whatever As an adult? You slip up ONCE and boom, an entire case against you. I thought it was funny, cause when i was "arrested" a few months back, it was a "you obviously don't do this regularly" blah blah, fire bad, slap on the wrist (obviously, very privileged tbh) but like ONE SINGLE mentioning to my therapist and essentially I shouldn't have said anything because she apparently has to report everything we talk about to the state if it "endangers yourself or others" sooooo WHATEVER, I GUESS LMAO. I literally can't talk to anyone about my stupid bullshit impulses aside from a tumblr blog and also my friends, like i'm sure my friends would report something if i really fucked up, but like idk, unless yall on here are out to get me (I wouldn't be surprised) if i ask for help, they deny me care cause i can't afford it or they lock me up. Or they do what they did when i was a child and essentially "pray the urges away" i wish i could like eat an entire box of corn flakes and just not feel the urge to set fires or something, idfk.
