#trainee a

It was the kind of silence that wasn’t awkward—it was charged, buzzing, like both of you were waiting for something to happen but too shy to make the first move.

Sangwon’s arm rested loosely around your waist, but you could feel the tension in him. Every time you shifted, his fingers twitched against your side, like he wanted to pull you closer but didn’t quite dare. You tilted your head back to glance up at him, catching the way his jaw clenched, the faint red creeping up his neck.

“Why are you sitting so stiff?” you teased softly, poking at his chest. “You act like I’m going to bite.”

He blinked down at you, flustered. “I’m not—” He swallowed, gaze darting away. “I just… don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

You smiled, warmth blooming in your chest. “Sangwon,” you murmured, shifting so you were facing him fully. “You couldn’t make me uncomfortable if you tried.”

That shut him up. His eyes found yours again, wide and uncertain, but there was something else there too—something that made your pulse skip.

You leaned in slowly, giving him time to pull away. Your nose brushed his, his breath caught, and you felt him tense beneath you.

Just as your lips brushed his, a feather-light tickle against your skin made you break into an unexpected laugh. You pulled back slightly, giggling into your hand.

Sangwon froze, mortified. “Wait—what happened? Did I—did I do something wrong?”

Still laughing, you shook your head. “No, no—it’s just…” You struggled to catch your breath, grinning. “Your nose tickled me.”

His ears went bright red instantly. “Oh my God,” he groaned, hiding his face in his hands. “That’s—so embarrassing.”

You tugged gently at his wrists until his hands dropped, revealing the flush spreading across his cheeks. “It’s not embarrassing,” you teased, brushing your nose against his again deliberately. “It’s actually kind of cute.”

He ducked his head, but you caught the shy smile tugging at his lips. “Cute,” he repeated under his breath, as though he wasn’t sure if he believed you.

Before he could overthink it, you kissed him—soft at first, coaxing. His breath stuttered, but he leaned in, his lips tentative against yours, testing. You slid your hand to the back of his neck, pulling him closer, and that was when he gave in.

The kiss deepened, his mouth parting against yours, and you felt the tension in his body snap into something else entirely. His grip on your waist tightened, drawing you closer until you were practically straddling him. Every brush of his lips grew more urgent, more sure, the shy hesitation melting into raw want.

Still, his nose kept nudging against yours, tickling in that same ridiculous way. You smiled into the kiss, breaking away for only a second. “Still tickling me,” you whispered, breathless.

His laugh was low, a little shaky, but his eyes burned when he met yours. “Guess I’ll just have to keep kissing you until you don’t notice.”

And then his lips were back on yours, hungrier this time, his tongue brushing yours just enough to make your chest tighten. He kissed like he was finally letting go of all the restraint he’d been holding onto, like the only thing that mattered was keeping you close.

By the time you pulled away for air, both of you were breathless. He rested his forehead against yours, his nose still brushing yours lightly, making you laugh all over again.

“You’re ridiculous,” you whispered.

“And you,” he murmured back, his voice low and rough with emotion, “make me insane.”

You grinned, brushing your lips over his again in a teasing ghost of a kiss. “Good. I like you insane.”

This time, when his nose tickled yours again, you didn’t stop laughing. You let it melt into the kiss, imperfect and messy and absolutely perfect all at once.

yunah just rolls her eyes and replies, “why’re you so whipped for him? i mean— i get he’s cute ‘n allat, but he’s so oblivious!”

“that’s what makes him cuter!” you exclaim, sighing as you open the door to the café. there he was. your boyfriend who didn’t know he was your boyfriend yet.

he’s getting someones order— a girl. it makes you slightly jealous but then, he locks eyes with you and he smiles, giving a wave. you light up and wave back.

“you look like an absolute dork.” yunah mutters out, dragging you to the line.

once you’re in front of him, you just stare.

his hair, his eyes, those lips, his baby face—

“hey, y/n.”

his soft voice snaps you out of your little observation.

“sangwon.” you say back, smiling at him. he smiles back, already putting in your order on the ipad. “the usual, right?” sangwon asks, looking at you again.

you nod, unable to hide the blush on your face. yunah watches you two, a silent scoff escaping her lips. when you two sit down, she slams the table, making a few people look over.

“what’s wrong?” you ask, tilting your head in confusion. “he’s so into you!” yunah yell-whispers at you and you can’t help but laugh.

“i wish.” you say flatly. “you are the dumbest person i know.” she says, rubbing her temple with two fingers. “he looks at you the same way you look at him!”

you pout and say, “don’t get my hopes up.” then, sangwon comes up behind you, yunah looking at him, and before you could turn your head to look at what she was looking at, sangwon kisses your cheek.

you froze, turning red as a tomato as he places your drink down on the table along with another one. sangwon walks away and you hesitantly take the drinks and there’s a note on yours it had his number on it and some words. it read; “y/n, be mine?”

on the other drink was a note that said, “another one on the house since i know you love this drink.” you glance at where he went and he’s already staring at you, smiling.

you smile back and nod. then, you get up and walk to him, hugging him. sangwon happily hugs you back, burying his face in your hair.

the scene earns some looks from his co-worker, mostly leo who was squealing with anxin. “i thought you were clueless.” you mumble into his chest.

James was NOT supposed to see you trip.

You hit the floor with a loud, dramatic thud, wishing you would turn into dust right then and there. Before you can even process the pain in your dignity, a shadow falls over you.

"Are you...okay?" James says, clueless as to how you ended up there. He scratched his nape awkwardly, staring down at you. "A little help would be nice before I get questioned." You hoist yourself slightly up on your elbows. That seemed to make James snap out of his head. "Right! Oh yeah, here--sorry" James rambles slightly, holding his hand out for you to take. You stand up fully with a grunt.

"You're bleeding."

"No, I'm not."

"Your leg." James points at your scraped knee. You glance down, there was infact blood, "Oh, yeah. Yikes," You mutter. "It's not that bad, I'm not gonna like die or anything." You inspect it some more before accepting that it was okay.

The two of you stand awkwardly in front of each other, avoiding eye contact. James blew out a puff of air, clasping his hands together.

"It was nice to-"

"Thanks for-"

You both spoke at the same time, "Go ahead, sorry." You scratch your nape, mirroring Jame's actions from earlier. " I was just saying, it was nice to see you. I'll see you around." James waves at you, turning around and walking away. You watched him walk away as you stood in the same spot.

Everyday that week, James, James, James, James. It felt like he manifested you back into his life almost. Which you were partially right, because your phone buzzed, seeing his name on your lockscreen.

You shut your phone off, waiting for the bell to ring. You had 5 minutes left. 5 minutes until you see James. 5 minutes until you get into the car with James, the ex situationship, James. The bell ringing brought you out of your thoughts. "I'm about to do the worst decision ever. I'll text you later!" You shoot a text to your best friend before pocketing your phone, feeling it buzz nonstop in your back pocket.

You spotted James against his car, waiting awkwardly and fiddling with his fingers. "You gonna get in or what?" You stop in front of him, your eyebrows raised, your hand grips your bag tightly. "Huh? Oh yeah, I was waiting for you." James exclaims, pushing himself off of his car, opening the passenger door for you. "This is new, you've never done this before. What's the occasion?" You joke, sliding into the car and placing your backpack in the backseat. "I'm this close to getting this girl back, I was feeling generous." He smiles, closing your door and jogging around to the drivers seat. "Really? What's she like?" You ask, turning your body towards him, you were fishing for an ego boost.

"She's beautiful, like one of the best looking people I've ever seen," He starts, you stared at him, "She loves her family and fashion more than anything, which I also love," He continued, he was facing you now. "But, she's always, like always, somewhere on the ground. So no aura for her." He finished, You rolled your eyes at him, facing back toward the windshield. "You ruined it," You joke, a chuckle was forming in the back of your throat. "That was cute though, whoever she is sounds super sexy or whatever." You say nonchalantly, even though you were giggling and dying mentally. "A thank you would be nice." He says starting his car. "Thank you." You replied.

The drive was quiet for the most part, the only thing keeping it from complete silence was the music from James's connected phone and the outside world. "Do you remember when I tried to teach you how to drive?" James speaks up suddenly "Oh my gosh," You roll your eyes, groaning at the memory of you almost crashing his car. "Yes, unfortunately." You sighed. "Scariest day of my life, but it was worth it seeing you almost get it down." James says, turning into your neighborhood. You didn't reply, just a smile forming on your face from the memory resurfacing.

He made another turn before the car came to a complete stop. "Tell your mom I said hi?" He turned his head towards you, a small grin was on his face. "That's possible," You grin brightly at him, knowing you were going to tell her. "Bye James, see you tomorrow?" You grabbed your bag from the backseat. He hums in response,"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow." James adds, tapping his fingers onto the steering wheel. You were making your way out the car when you felt his hand touch your hand, You turned around to look at him, confusion written all over your face. "Yeah?" you ask, his hand still staying on top of yours. "I missed you." He mutters, his thumb resting on top of the ring on your middle finger.

"I still wear this like, everyday, it felt weird to wear it on my ring finger though, so I wear it on my middle finger as a way to say "Fuck, Zhao Yufan" sometimes." You ramble about the ring, seeing him stare at it. Then covering your mouth with your free hand at the last part. He chuckled at your expression, "Noted, I'll get you some more." He says. The car goes silent for a while again, "So can I go in my house now or are we gonna sit in silence while you think of a way to give me a kiss?" You cut the silence, scratching your head. James laughed at that, "Sorry I haven't done this in months." He says through a smile.

You let out a quiet laugh. You turned your body toward him all the way, your knees were touching the center console. “So…” you tilt your head slightly, pretending to think, “You still thinking about that kiss?"

James scoffs under his breath, shaking his head with a small smile. You lean in just enough that your noses almost brush, but not quite. Close enough for him to feel your breath, close enough for his eyes to flick down to your lips. James was the one to close the gap. The kiss didn't feel rushed or foreign. It was soft and familiar. His hand trailed up to your jaw, making you break the kiss.

You didn't know— or probably just couldn't remember, if studying abroad for college was one of your dreams. But it sure is your parents' dream, as they were far more excited than you to study abroad. Studying outside the country meant a lot of advantages in life, in work, in getting the life alot of people dreamt of.

Tomorrow is your flight, and today was supposed to be a day to celebrate one last time with your family. But instead, you sneaked out, wanting to spend your last day in South Korea with your best friend, James, instead. You'd surely get an earful from your parents, but you didn't care. You'll be leaving the country after all, leaving from their side, leaving from the toxicity your house holds.

"Hey," James started, stealing your attention away from the bird who just flew away. You felt the warmth from James' palm as he held yours tightly. A normal occurance to your friendship, but somehow, it wasn't normal for the others to hold hands with a friend.

But you liked holding James' hand, you liked the way your hands fit perfectly to each other. The warmth of his hand, the way his fingers laced with yours. You liked— no, loved the feeling of it.

"Hmm?" You hummed softly, squeezing his hand in a soft manner.

"Wanna do something fun one last time before we face the real world?" Your best friend asked, a knowing look on his face, a look that screamed he was about to suggest something dumb, something risky.

But maybe doing something a little fun and risky wouldn't end your future, right? You were still young, supposed to have fun instead of overthinking what the future holds.

Tomorrow is going to be James' debut after years of training. The old members you got used to, trainee A, has debuted— some were close to debuting, but in another company, another group, with other people. And tomorrow will be James turn to debut, with a set of new members, younger ones. He'd be the oldest unlike before, he'll be the one taking care of them, instead of getting taken care of.

He, just like you, escaped from the confinements of suffocating practice rooms of Hybe. He'd get an earful, for sure, maybe from his manager, from staffs, maybe from their group leader, Martin, but he couldn't care less. It's not like they'd pull him out from the debut lineup last minute.

You won't be able to attend or even watch his debut showcase like you promised, because the flight takes almost 11 hours, and you couldn't possibly watch the showcase on a plane. James understands, a bit sad, but he isn't mad, nor disappointed about it.

He understands. Because getting older, becoming an adult, meant not always being there for people you care about, it meant there will be times where you'll be absent in their most important event in life, not because you cut them off or didn't want to be with them, but because the real world is cruel. Adult life is cruel, busy, and all the bad things it has to offer.

"Why not?" You replied, which shocked James. You were friends with him for years, of course he already knows you far more than your parents would've known you.

You weren't up for anything fun or risky, scared of what will be the outcome of it in the future. Which seriously shocked people close to you upon knowing you were best friends with James out of all people. A guy who moved to a foreign country just to achieve his dreams without certainty of successfully accomplishing it.

Which led you two now to an abandoned place that was famous before for car racing. With an ongoing rumor of an accident of a race car driver who died, cursed the whole place which caused three more accidents to happen. The atmosphere made you shiver even inside of James' car— the car he stole from a relative that was staying in South Korea.

"Are you.... sure about this?" You said, slowly regretting to agree with whatever he was planning to do. James turned off the engine before he faced you with a huge grin in his face.

"A hundred percent sure. You wouldn't regret it, I promise!" James said, raising his hand. You bit your lower lip, and thought for a second before saying, fuck it, just once.

The engine started once again, an excited look on James' face that contrasted your look of terror. James noticed this, noticed the hesitance on your face, before he held your hand and squeezed it softly.

"Nothing bad will happen, I promise you." James mumbled softly, already knowing what makes you skeptical about this. Once he calmed you down, he dropped your hand on your lap and held the steering wheel with both his hands. Then, he drove the car at full throttle, emitting a loud screech from the wheels of the car before the vehicle drove in full speed.

You let out a scream, terrified by the unfamiliar speed of a car as you clutched onto James' biceps as he drove fast on the racing track.

He laughed loudly, giving you a quick glance before settling his eyes once again on the road. "God, I love throttle therapy!" James exclaimed loudly, still laughing as he didn't even slowed down.

You were still terrified, but slowly, you got used to the speed, and found it therapeutic instead, as you felt yourself giggling in excitement. The windows were rolled down, and you felt the cold wind hitting your face, causing your hair to fly in all directions. But you couldn't bring yourself to care, not when you're finally doing something fun, something you know was risky with one wrong move.

James' grin stayed on his face, and it grew wider once he heard the excited giggles escaping from your lips. And when he took a quick glance once again, he finally saw real excitement on your face, real emotion, without the constant worrying about life, about future, or anything serious. Just pure enjoyment.

After that, he parked the car just right outside the tracks, smiles still evident on both of your faces, breathing heavily from the rushed euphoria you two felt from the drive. James leaned against the car seat, eyes closed, still with a large smile on his face as he brought his arm around your shoulder, then, his hand went its way on top of your head, messing your hair that you just fixed a few seconds ago.

You groaned and swatted James' hand, earning a chuckle from him before he removed his hand on your head and rested them on your shoulder instead, eyes still closed as he tried to calm himself down from the feeling earlier.

You glanced at him, memorizing his side facr, as you weren't sure when you'll be seeing him again— or if you'll ever see him once again, due to the circumstances. James' long eyelashes that fluttered below, his pinkish lips that weren't dry, thanks to the amount of lipcare he put on— a must for future idol like him. And his nose, his tall, beautiful nose you've always been fascinated to.

James is breathtakingly beautiful. Ever since you laid your eyes on him, your heart skipped a beat. You were inlove with him— maybe until now, you still love him. But the uncertainty of the future holds scares you deeply. You and James were two diverse individuals, you two had different priorities in life, different dreams, and you always thought that'll be a reason for you two to drift apart.

James loves you, too. He always have, one might say it was love at first sight for him. But maybe the reason why he couldn't confess was because you were far too obsessed to have a perfect future, and James knew he was far from perfect, so he decided to love you— not from afar, oh no, he couldn't handle loving you afar. Instead, he loved you quietly, he showed you love by caring for you, by always being there for you. And maybe that's enough for you both.

"James." You called out. Your best friend— the love of your life didn't bother opening his eyes, and could only offer you a hum instead, telling you that he's listening.

"Thank you." You told him, voice filled with feelings.

James smiled, his arm that were still wrapped around your shoulder, pulled you closer to him, causing you to bump your cheek on his broad shoulder. He lowered his head and gave you a small, but lingering kiss on top of your head.