#purpse

selfmade wallpaper :)

I’ve often questioned what I have to live for, and I often find myself empty handed as to what I have. Sure, I have material possessions that pass the time and even material things that I desire, but in more recent times I’ve noticed that it simply isn’t enough. I have nothing going for me in my life right now. Don’t mistake my words, I’m not suicidal (though the thought has passed my mind if I am to be honest), but I simply don’t have anything  meaningful is what I’m trying to say. College is a drag. My classes at my local Junior College are made for the less prosperous of the mental realm down, so I constantly find myself bored out of my mind. I used to dream of being in college, that was my main goal for my last two years of high school, I busted my ass off and went from a 2.0 my sophomore year to a 4.5 my senior year. But I’m in college now, I don’t have nearly the same motivation that I did in high school, so I’m just going through the motions at this point. I ended up meeting an AMAZING girl there in my Calc 1 class (I passed AP Calculus BC with a 3 on the exam, but JC’s don’t participate in the AP program so I had to start from calc 1 again). This girl was everything I ever wanted, she was funny, cutely shy, had a very similar personal background, and extremely beautiful. She had light freckles (awesome), high cheeks bones which really brought out her smile (really awesome), medium length ginger hair (awesome), this girl and everything about her drove me crazy. I couldn’t stop thinking about her for the few months that I talked with her. But even though both of us had the intention of being together after those few months of talking, she decided in the end that she doesn’t want or need a relationship in her life. That was probably the biggest shot to the heart I had in a while. After and during the end of my quasi-relationship with her, I had been talking to a friend who had been going through a similar situation, she we were each other’s support. But as of recently, she too has dropped off the face of the earth. So I’ve tried talking to another close friend. Low and behold, again, they dropped off the face of the earth.