#purdy lounge

So last weekend I spent it like a Miami newbie... because I was hanging with Miami noobs, who are all very nice and cool. But I missed my live music!!!

Here's what went down:

Friday night as I was getting ready to just call it a night, I sent a text out to all of my friends that pretty much said "um... I'm going to bed unless I have a good reason not to..." I got a couple of replies and to be honest I was most interested in one of my friends who I had promised to hang with, but never did... She pretty much said "we're going to Mango's" and my brain's response was "ugh! no way!" But I'd like to think I'm nice and up for anything and decided that I should go anyway... so I did.

I've never been to Mango's before because, to be quite honest, it looks like one of those places where the employees are paid to ensure that stereotypes about Latin people stick. (You know the one where we women are always slutty & curvy, men are always shirtless & everyone is hot for grinding & sex?) So I went there and stood in line like a polite person only to be notified that there is a cover, and fuck me, because I didn't even know if I had cash. Luckily (and I guess I must have looked good that night) one of the bouncers just let me in without paying and that was really very nice of him. I should have gotten his name, but I didn't and for that, I'm sorry.

Once inside it was... well there was a mix of stereotypical hardcore Latinos that eat places like Mango's up, tourists & gringos and all of these people were from all ages. Against the wall, there was the usual number of creepers that hold their drinks crookedly while they stare at the ladies dancing with half-open eyes. In the middle everyone was breaking it down and dancing. There were even gringos that were trying hard to get in it but instead they ended up swaying from side to side almost missing the beat.The bonus was that they do change up the music every 20 minutes or so, it goes from semi-live band -> DJ with sexy female dancers->Just DJ-> Michael Jackson impersonator -> semi-live band -> DJ with sexy male dancers -> repeat! After a few hours it gets boring, and to be quite honest the little "shows" they have aren't very impressive... They're actually half-hearted choreographies dripping with cheese. (As in cheesy).

So I don't know how I did it, but somehow I managed a group of strangers and my friend to go over to Jazid. Good for me, horrible for them so we left within two seconds and I got a glimpse of live music. After Jazid we wondered over to Tapas y Tintos where the music was perfect for my group and creepers were abundant. I must have been in a bitchy mood because I gave someone a face that earned me a "Buenas Noches Amargada" on the way out. I also had an interesting conversation with a guy who I refused to give my name to so he called me "Flaca." This guy doesn't speak English, so I'm sure he won't read this and I'm also pretty certain that I wouldn't want to talk to him again, but he definitely did a good job at boosting my self-esteem that night and I am extremely grateful for that.

Saturday was another approach. My lovely sister and brother-in-law who are always working actually were down to go out. I was so excited I didn't even care where and I went! Okay, so the outing was planned by one of his friends so it started at Barú Urbano in Brickell, which is delicious. We ordered our very Latin meals and then it was announced that our next stop was The Florida Room at the Delano in Miami Beach. (My Brain's reaction was "Fuck! Another night at Miami Beach! Why did we go to Brickell to eat then?! Ugh... these people are still exploring the Miami fancy club scene...") So I got in my sister's car and off we went.

The Delano was as it always is. Filled with beautiful people, willing to pay $15+ per drink and unwilling to sweat. I honestly spent a good 20 minutes watching a girl take small steps side to side while her date held her arms up... Yea, that type of dancing... There was also a girl that was Jersey Shore orange who, after being told to "shake that shit" proceeded to grind the hell our of the guy that was with her. I hope he got laid, because if not that girl is a bitchy tease... So that was enough for my sister, brother-in-law and I and off we went.

When we got to our next destination, Purdy Lounge, my entire body relaxed and so did my sister's. It was probably the smartest move we did all night and when we got there the music was glorious, the people were dancing as they should be and everyone was dripping with sweat. Our dinner buddies tagged along for the ride, but left early & one of them even dance merengue with me which gives him a nice set of bonus points.

So that was that, I didn't hear one electric guitar or brass horn, I didn't fall anywhere and I didn't even see a glimpse of a perro colombiano... Still I had fun, because people watching always is & because when all else fails, I just dance!

Things I learned this weekend:

"Comer" for Chilean girls means to make-out/kiss a guy

9 girls + 1 guy = you can get in anywhere free and even score a free shot (already knew it but I actually got to put it to the test)

There were Australians visiting Miami Beach

Some Doctors are just geeks who are now trying to be smooth/cool

In a male-female sex operation the ballsack is used to make the vaginal wall

Naked man claiming to be God drinks own urine, according to eye witness, and gets tased or tasered (neither are in the dictionary) in the middle of the street, outside of Purdy Lounge. They had his ass LAID OUT! He wasn't homeless, he came there with friends and must've had a bad trip or something cause his night ended waaaaaaaaaay wrong.

You never know what you're gonna get on South Beach at 4:00 a.m.

I ♥ Miami B1tch!