#puppet box

Excerpt:

"Bruce, can I talk to you?" Tim's voice was soft, almost swallowed up by the cold, expansive air of the Batcave.

Bruce looked up from the computer. He'd been trying to work on a case, but in actuality he never really stopped thinking about ways to wreak vengeance on Jack Drake. There were quite a few things he could do. He had already, very spitefully, called over to Jack's new landlord in Australia and convinced him to drop Jack's lease at the last minute, so Jack would arrive at his new home only to discover that he needed to find another place to live immediately. It was a stupid and uncouth kind of revenge, and Bruce had regretted his actions the second he hung up the phone. But he didn't take it back.

He considered all kinds of actions he could take to ruin Jack financially, or destroy his reputation. He could get him blacklisted in academic circles, causing Jack to lose the one thing he valued the most: his career as an archaeologist. He'd been daydreaming about that one for the last...Bruce glanced at the clock...twenty-seven minutes.

But really, it always circled around to imagining his fist crashing into Jack's stupid smug face, permanently wiping away that cruel twist to his lips, that self-pitying wrinkle of his nose.

Bruce took a deep breath and looked at Tim. He couldn't think about that now. Tim had come down to the Batcave to talk to him. Whatever it was about, it was far more important than anything else Bruce could possibly be working on.

"Of course, Tim. What can I do for you?" Bruce pushed himself away from the computer and turned his chair to face the boy. He frowned at the large circles around Tim's eyes, the pallor of his face, the weary way he slumped where he stood with his hands buried in the pockets of his jeans.

Last night, Dick had tried to drag Tim into a movie or TV marathon so he could cuddle with him on a sofa and try to soothe away all of the hurt and sadness in the kid's posture and expression. He had waggled his eyebrows at Bruce, too, telling him in no uncertain terms that he was expected to join them. But Tim had begged off, saying that he was tired and just wanted to sleep. Dick had let him go, reluctantly.

It was mid-morning, now. Bruce had hoped that Tim was sleeping in, recovering from his ordeal the day before. Now he wondered if Tim had slept at all. He looked exhausted, but his hair was disheveled and stuck up on one side, so he must have at least been lying down.

Bruce stood up, not bothering to shut down the computer. "Lets go talk somewhere more comfortable. The family lounge?"

Excerpt:

Tim started muttering in his sleep on the couch. The other three went quiet, used to listening closely whenever their little Bat had something to say. At first it had been because he was seemingly the most calm and logical of all of them, which made him seem like a leader even though he wasn't actually comfortable with that role. Now they listened because they just liked Tim a lot, and he was kind of quiet when he wasn't being a giant dork, so they wanted to hear what he had to say.

It was hard to make out what Tim was saying at first, but his tone was unhappy, even a little afraid. Then more and more sounds started making sense, turning into words. "No... 'M sorry. I'm sorry. Please, Dad, don't... I'm sorry!"

The last was a shout, high-pitched and terrified. Conner, Bart, and Cassie all raced to the sofa. Bart got there first, but didn't know what to do once he got there, just hovering over Tim with a stricken look on his face.

Cassie ran to the back of the sofa and leaned over it, looking down at Tim. He was sweating, his lips pulled back from his teeth in a painful grimace, and he was curled up in an awkward c-shape with his arms wrapped around his stomach. "N-no, no! Please!"

Conner made a noise of frustration. He reached over and put a hand on Tim's shoulder. Tim reacted instantly, his body jerking bolt upright, eyes flying wide open. "Please stop!"

Conner backed off with his hands raised. "Whoa, whoa. It's okay, dude. Cool your jets."

Tim stared at him, panting, his eyes glassy and distant. Then he looked at Bart, still hovering over him with hands outstretched, then at Cassie leaning over the couch. He gulped and swayed where he sat. He looked close to passing out. 

"I..." Tim wiped a hand over his forehead. It was trembling. "I'm sorry, I didn't... I didn't mean to yell."

"It's okay, man," Conner said, his voice uncharacteristically gentle. "You had a bad dream?"

"I..." Tim took a shuddery breath.

Especially the part about his parents will probably easier to understand (not less hurting, but still) for him in your other fic, ‘my heart is in the puppet box’, bc his father does something so obviously wrong and hurtful. In YOFA, his parents have been dead for a while now, and the recent events have no direct connection to them. He’s had this ‘positive things only’ glasses on for a long time. He’s really awesome and deserves all the healing and support. (2/5)

And the part about making the arguments for the other person and shooting them down is something I really understand (though most of the time it boils down to, 'alright, I’ll do it like this next time, and no one will be hurt or sad or angry (again)’). I’m really glad he’s strong enough to stand behind his own pain and 'seek justice’, even if it’s against himself. And I’m also glad he has people like Dick around him, who won’t try to talk down his pain, who aren’t scared to apologize. (3/5)

I love them all. About my own stuff… I don’t really know how I’m feeling myself, so I’m not surprised I couldn’t find the right words. I just know that there’s something that’s happened a decade ago, when we were children, that makes me tear up just by thinking about it. And given the fact that objectively, it shouldn’t be such a big deal anymore, I feel like something is wrong with the way I’m processing/dealing with it. (4/5)

I thought at first that I was still angry/frustrated with someone, but slowly I’m getting the impression that it’s something else. I’m not really angry or blame anyone (maybe the adults should’ve acted a little different, but anyways), just frustrated. But I guess I’ll have to figure it out before I can start a healing process :) Again, thank you for your answer, and sorry for getting so personal.

Don’t apologize! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, again.

You’re right about how much courage and strength it took for Tim to take off the rose-colored glasses he had regarding his parents and really understand how much they hurt him. I didn’t really go into it in YOFA, because it wasn’t the point of the story, but he definitely had quite a few therapy sessions with Dr. Thacker before he was able to acknowledge the pain and damage they had caused him. (If it was anything like my own therapy sessions, Dr. Thacker would have gone through a list of symptoms or results of neglect with Tim and gradually helped him recognize himself there, then start to connect the dots between how his parents treated him and the struggles he faced in his current life. Once those connections were made, Tim was able to recognize and accept that he had been hurt, and then he was able to start to heal from it.)

“my heart is in the puppet box” is definitely a very strong contrast to YOFA in that way. In the last few chapters of “puppet box,” Tim attempted to confront his father, sort of the way he confronted Dick at the end of YOFA. He was hoping that Jack would apologize for the way he hurt him, and then Tim could forgive him. But Jack didn’t do that. Not at all. Instead, he treated himself as the victim and ended up hurting Tim even more. Now, Tim is going to have to find a way to accept and forgive the damage that was done to him, so he can move on, without the benefit of working it out with the person who hurt him. It’s a much more difficult and much more painful process. So yes, indeed, thank God that Dick is nothing like Jack Drake, so when Tim confronted him at the end of YOFA, Dick was not afraid to ask forgiveness, and so then Tim was able to forgive him and they could both heal.

Excerpt:

Alfred sighed gently, and the bedsheets rustled as he sat on the edge of the bed. His firm, careful fingers began brushing through Tim's hair. It reminded him of that first night, when Alfred stormed out of the room after Bruce told him what happened. When Alfred came back, he'd crouched next to Tim's head and petted his hair like this.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Alfred asked. His voice was the softest Tim had ever heard it.

Tim shook his head.

"You clearly need to talk to someone. Shall I fetch Master Bruce for you? Or Master Dick? He spent the night here after yesterday's tumultuous events."

Tim shook his head more vigorously, horrified at the idea of either of his oldest heroes seeing him being such a weakling, unable even to get out of bed.

Alfred rested his hand on the side of his head, a gentle weight that was somehow welcome, grounding. "Someone else then? Ms. Winters? Mr. Ives? They both seemed quite proficient at lifting your spirits."

Tim finally stirred, rolling his head away from Alfred's hand and pulling his hands down to his chest so he could look at him. Alfred withdrew his hand to his lap and regarded him quietly.

"I don't want..." Tim's voice rasped against his dry throat. He worked his mouth a bit and tried again. "I don't deserve..."

He fell silent, cheeks flaming. He hadn't meant to say that.

Alfred was frowning now. "You don't deserve to have your spirits raised?"

Tim nodded, then rolled his face down to hide in the pillow.

Trigger Warning: Abuse justification from the point of view of the abuser. This is not a pleasant chapter, folks. Let me know if you'd like me to just put a chapter summary at the end.

Yes, there will be a follow-up, probably soon. I can't leave it like this.

Hey, I think your previous ask might have gotten swallowed? Feel free to send it again.

Bruce and Dick were right outside the door, as promised. They heard Jack’s raised voice but couldn’t make out the words. He wasn’t quite yelling, more seething the whole time. They were both standing, ready to burst in despite Bruce’s agreement with Jack, when Tim came running out. They both chased after him.

Bruce meant to get ahead of Jack and place a bug in the room, but Jack got there first. It was a canny move to choose his own home ground–Bruce’s lawyer’s office was already bugged. Don’t worry, though, that useless-seeming lawyer will be able to tell them what he said.

Oh gosh. A few months ago I would have said that I really want to write a story where Tim joins the family early, because I love AUs where that happens and he gets to be brothers with Jason before Ethiopa and all that. Those are probably my favorite fics to read in the entire fandom. But then I started writing one kind of by accident, so yeah, already doing that. :D I also already finished my big canon fix-it, which I’m very proud of. 

I guess I would like to play around with time travel, or something with multiverse shenanigans. I love that kind of stuff. 

I would love to write more with Cass and Tim. Cass got kind of a short shrift in YOFA just because she and Tim already had a good, supportive relationship, and I had to reconcile Tim with Every. Other. Person. in the family, except Alfred. So yeah, time travel or multiverse shenanigans with Tim and Cass. Gosh, that would be fun.

As for stuff in my current fics, goodness, I cannot WAIT until Damian joins the Through the Walls ‘verse. I have so many thoughts on what that is gonna be like. It’s gonna be great. Tim and Jason being mutually protective and borderline co-dependent is also going to be fun.

I’m also looking forward to writing more about Jason’s specific recovery in that story. I feel like it might dig a little deep for me, though, since I’m already seeing young me in some of the things he’s going through. I wanted to write another chapter of Through the Walls today about Jason being sick (it’s his turn) and wanting comfort but being afraid of it, and part of me is really excited to write it, but another part of me is just kind of tired at the idea, because I know it’s going to be emotionally draining. So I just kind of…put it off. This is a LARP weekend, so I’ll probably start working on it for real next week.

I also want to write more with the Young Justice kids. Lordy be, what a goofy bunch of kids. I need to finish reading the comic series first, but I do love them all. I really enjoyed the little bit of Conner and Tim’s dynamic I wrote in YOFA, and I’d like to do more with that. There’s a lot of potential for fun there.

I still want to write my story where Dana figures out that Jack is emotionally abusive to Tim and takes him away. I’ve been thinking about that a lot, especially as I’ve been writing more chapters of “puppet box.”

Also, the more I learn about Duke Thomas, the more I like him. I need to write something that includes him. But whatever I write, it’s going to have NOTHING to do with current canon. That stuff is toxic.