#punk!sam

“Are they here yet?” Jaskier asked for the third time, and you forced yourself to take a deep calming breath, your phone buzzing, saving you from the urge to throttle your husband.

“Yen and Geralt just got here,” you announced, reading Yennefer’s text.

“It’s not them I’m worried about,” Jask exclaimed, pacing.  “Their kid’s also in the play, so of course they’ll be here on time.  It’s Aev and Valdo I’m worried about,” he ground out.  “That man is always late and I want to make sure we get the best seats in the house to see Sam!”

“Jaskier, calm down,” you murmured, placing your hand on his arm to stop his pacing.  “They haven’t even opened the doors yet.  Besides, Aevryn and Valdo only flew in a couple hours ago, they’re probably jet-lagged.”

“That’s no excuse for them to be late to their niece’s first theatrical production!” Jaskier cried dramatically, and you couldn’t help the grin that tugged at your lips as you grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to look at you.

“They’re going to be here on time,” you assured him, though he looked ready to argue.  “And do you want to know how I know that?”  Jaskier slowly closed his mouth, peering at you with interest. 

“Because I told Valdo to be here a half hour before they actually had to be here,” you explained.  “Which means…”

“They’ll be here on time,” Jaskier finished and shook his head ruefully.  “Okay, colour me impressed,” he said, pulling you in for a quick kiss.

“And speak of the devil,” he muttered, glancing past you as he spotted Valdo’s black Tesla whipping into the parking lot.

Soon Geralt and Yennefer met you by the front doors and the four of you waited for the last two members of your party.

“Hey, I hope we’re not late,” Aevryn exclaimed apologetically as you enveloped her in a hug.  “It took V forever to decide what to wear.”

“Oh, no, you’re right on time,” you assured her (a little smugly) before turning to greet her husband.

“Oh.”

You froze as Valdo stepped up behind Aev and your eyes fell to his shirt — dark blue with a muted floral print; sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and the top several buttons undone to show off a glimpse of his smooth chest, decorated by his usual layers of necklaces.  

“[Y/N], is something wrong?” he asked, a note of worry in his voice as you quickly brought your hand to your mouth to cover your grin.

That was when Jaskier turned from his conversation with Geralt and his blue eyes locked on Valdo.  “Oh no.  Oh nonononono,” he muttered in disbelief.

Aevryn broke her composure at the same time you could no longer hold back your own laughter; the other woman hanging off your shoulder, shaking with mirth at the sight of the two men wearing the. exact. same. shirt.

“You have to change!” Jaskier cried, scandalized, gesturing to Valdo’s chest.

“Why do I have to change?” Valdo demanded, equally scandalized.  “Why don’t you?”

“Because I was here first!”

“Well, I wear it better!”

“Nobody is going home to change,” you interjected sternly — the effect somewhat ruined as you wiped away the amused tears from the corners of your eyes from laughing so hard.  “Besides, there’s not enough time.”

Jaskier glanced at the watch at his wrist before scowling, knowing you were right.

“Now now gentlemen, you both look lovely,” Yennefer remarked; her dark painted lips carefully neutral, though a spark of amusement danced in her violet eyes as she studied Jaskier and Valdo’s sour expressions.  “It will be dark in the auditorium.  Just don’t sit next to each other and no one will even notice.”

You shared a dubious look with Aevryn, and even Geralt smirked briefly, but it was time for the doors to open and you were eager to find your seats.

True to Yennefer’s suggestion, Jaskier sat as far as possible from Valdo, who didn’t seem to mind, settling in the seat at the end of the row next to Aevryn.  Throwing his arm around her shoulders he leaned in to whisper something in her ear, his dark emerald gaze flicking to Jaskier, and Aev giggled, whispering something back as she stroked the side of his face fondly.

By Valdo’s smug smile you could only guess she was assuring her husband that he did indeed wear the ensemble better than Jaskier, as you had had to assure your own husband the same thing just moments earlier.

However when the lights dimmed and your daughter took the stage with Ciri, all other thoughts fell away.

——

After the show the six of you milled about the atrium with the other parents, waiting for the kids to come out for photos.

Jaskier was careful to keep his distance from Valdo, but you noticed more than a few curious stares from the other adults —whether because of the shirt or because they recognized either one or both of the men, you had no idea.

Yennefer disappeared into the crowd to go greet her friend Triss while Jaskier went to stand next to Geralt.

“Can you believe it?” he grumbled under his breath, his eyes trained on Valdo, who was currently speaking with [Y/N], his arm looped around Aevryn’s waist.  “What are the odds, hmm?”

“It’s not like he did it on purpose,” Geralt pointed out, following Jaskier’s gaze.  “He seemed just as surprised as you.”

“Well sure… I suppose,” Jaskier spluttered, frowning indignantly.  “It’s just… you think I look better in it, don’t you?”

Geralt grunted noncommittally, not really wanting to get drawn into it.

“Geralt?” 

“Perhaps you should start checking with Aev before you go out to make sure you and Valdo don’t match.”  The wolfish grin on his friend’s face nearly had Jaskier’s eyes bulging out of his head; his mouth gaping open.

He expression only soured further as Valdo approached, oblivious to the betrayal that had just occurred.

“I still can’t get over how absolutely wonderful the girls were tonight!” he exclaimed, practically beaming, all traces of smug superiority gone.  “I mean, talk about thespian perfection!  They both deserve Tony’s for that performance.”

You couldn’t help but smile fondly at Valdo’s earnest praise of your daughter and niece, and you threw a meaningful look at Jaskier, who seemed to calm somewhat, though he was subtly edging away from Valdo.

“Daddy!”

Sam’s gleeful cry cut through the low murmur of the milling crowd as she came running over, Ciri not far behind, to nearly bowl over Jaskier with a tight hug.

“What did you think?  Did you like it?  Did I do good?” Sam asked in quick succession; one question on top of the others.

“We were just talking about how wonderful you and Ciri both did, Mitka,” Jaskier exclaimed proudly, squeezing her back.

“Really?” Sam asked, glancing around at the other adults.  That’s when she noticed, her gaze stopping on her uncle Valdo before sharply swinging back to her dad.

“Oh my God, you guys are twinsies!  Did you plan that on purpose?” she squealed, her and Ciri breaking into an unstoppable fit of laughter.  

“Aunt Aevryn, you have to get a picture of this!” Sam cried, taking Valdo’s hand and pulling him over to stand next to her and Jaskier.

Both men glanced at each other uncomfortably over the young girl’s head, grimacing before plastering strained grins on their faces as Aev, giggling herself, snapped a photo with her phone.

“Should this go on the band’s Insta?” she teased, sticking out her tongue at Jask when he opened his mouth to argue.  “Y’know,” she said instead, crouching down to show Sam the photo for approval.  “This just goes to show what good taste they both have, because it’s not the only thing they were able to agree on tonight,” she remarked, glancing up to direct a pointed look at her husband and her best friend, a soft smile on her face.

“Oh yeah?  What’s that?” Sam asked.

“That they’re both really proud of you,” she whispered conspiratorially, loud enough for both men to overhear and at her words Jaskier and Valdo shared a rueful grin before moving to join the rest of you.

Bless Aev, you thought as she stood and Sam came over to throw her arms around you next.  She always did know the exact right thing to say to ultimately smooth over the former rivalry between her husband and yours; to remind them they were on the same side now.

~

Sam -

Good Riddance @butiaintgonnaloveem

Tattoos, Bruised Lips, & Healed Hearts @ellen-reincarnated1967

Yellow @samwincstr

~

Jared -

Beautiful Chaos @atc74

For Your Eyes Only @impalaimagining

~

Priestly -

Black And Blue @lipstickandwhiskey

Boardwalk @driverpicksthefanfic

Electric Lizard @lipstickandwhiskey

High School Never Ends @illshakeyouallnightlong-dean

The first thought you had as the contraction hit was Jaskier is never going to let this go.

Just that morning he’d fretted over you wanting to go to the grocery store. You insisted on going, in part because you were determined to prove that you weren’t an invalid and in part because you were going insane sitting in the house waiting for a baby who was taking her sweet time coming. He’d almost gone with you but you’d put your foot down here as well, reminding him that he needed to work on sound editing with the group in the studio and that if anything happened (which, you so arrogantly insisted it wouldn’t) he wouldn’t be far away.

You clutched the rack of onesies as a second contraction hit and you started to quietly talk to the baby.

“Sam, don’t do this. Not now. Not in a Target. I know we don’t know each other much yet but just do your mom this favor, ok kiddo?” you pleaded.

Then your water broke.

“Already taking your dad’s side I see,” you muttered as you pulled out your phone. Jaskier answered halfway through the first ring.

“Y/N? What’s happening?” he asked in a panicked voice. You had a moment of pure stubbornness where you considered saying everything was fine and just trying to keep it together till you got home but while you were still having this admittedly ridiculous thought another contraction hit.

“Y/N are you alright? I heard a strange noise,” Jaskier asked as you tried to stifle your pained cry.

“Let me have the phone,” you heard a voice said and then Geralt was on the line, “Y/N? Is it time?”

“Yes,” you bit out.

“Where are you?” he asked, his voice low and calm.

“Target. 2nd Avenue. Hurry.”

“We’re not far, we’ll be there soon. It’s going to be ok.”

-----

“What the fresh hell is this?” Jaskier cried, kicking at the flat tire of his car, regretting his choice to have them all carpool for inner city travel. Geralt pulled up Uber while Yennefer made a call, not bothering to take the time to discuss it with Jaskier though she doubted even he would care if this meant getting them to Y/N on time.

“Valdo?” Yennefer said into the phone, Geralt and Jaskier both looking over to her in surprise, “Where are you right now? Y/N’s in labor and Jaskier’s car has a flat tire.”

“I knew we should have taken Roach,” Geralt muttered under his breath.

“Target. I know, he tried to tell her but she’s stubborn. Which are you closer to? Get her first, we’ll find a way there. Yes I’m sure. Ok bye.”

Jaskier stared at Yennefer expectantly.

“Well? What’s happening?”

“Valdo is closer to Y/N, he’s going to pick her up and take her to the hospital. We’re going to meet them there, Geralt have you found an uber?”

“Five minutes away,” he answered.

-----

“Yes love we’re on our way there now. Breathe with me, alright?”

Jaskier guided you through the phone from the back of the little Prius that had gathered them. Geralt sat in the back with him, knees pressed up nearly into his chest while Yennefer texted someone hurriedly. You stood outside of the Target leaning against one of the decorative cement balls, glaring at anyone who walked by you and so much as gave you a second glance.

“Where is Valdo?” you asked miserably, and then you saw him. Well, you saw a pitch black Tesla come careening around a corner, deftly avoiding shopping carts and lamp posts. The moment the car came to a stop, Valdo jumped out, already opening the doors with his key fob.

“Hello mummy to be, let’s get you inside,” he said in a voice that was forcibly calm but you could see a little bit of panic in the usually unflappable emerald eyes. You let him guide you into the car, seizing his hand in a death grip as another contraction hit. He gently rubbed circles into your back until the moment passed and moved around to the other side of the car before shaking out his possibly fractured hand. As soon as the door closed and you were buckled in, he set off. You heard a strange shouting noise.

“Is the radio on?” you asked.

“No but it can be,” Valdo answered, already reaching for the dial. You glanced down and realized the sound you heard was Jaskier, still on the phone.

“Oh shit! Hey, babe, hey I’m sorry,” you said.

“What’s happening?” Jaskier asked, “We’re at the hospital, where are you?”

“Valdo just picked me up, we’re on our way now.”

“Y/N love would you put me on speaker phone?” Jaskier asked, his voice just a tad too calm. You were in no mood to argue so you hit the button and clenched the side of the car as another contraction broke.

“Valdo Marx you listen to me. Rivalry aside, the people in that car are everything I’ve got and if any harm comes to either one of them I don’t care how much Aevryn loves you, I will end you,” Jaskier said, his voice a dark, dangerous hiss.

“If something happens to either of them Aevryn will end me first,” Valdo replied simply, “Now keep your pants on, we’re pulling up soon. Grab a wheelchair.”

“I already have one,” Jaskier said.

“Excellent, see you soon.”

-----

The moment you pulled up you could see Geralt, Yennefer, and Jaskier already waiting with a wheelchair, each with excited, anxious smiles and no small amount of relief. Jaskier opened the door and pulled you into his arms for just an instant and you embraced him tightly.

“Jaskier I’m scared,” you whispered into his ear.

“I know, my love, but I’m not,” he lied, pressing a soft kiss to your temple, “We’re all here. You’re not going through this alone. Well, you are in some very important ways but we have your back.”

“Where’s-”

“Y/N!”

You had just sat in your wheelchair when you saw Aevryn and Win running up to the doors. Aevryn had gone to pick up Win the moment Valdo told her what was going on, knowing you’d want your best friend with you as much as anyone else.

“Alright, I have the push playlist, I have the chocolate, let’s go have a baby,” Win exclaimed.

One of the benefits of being the wife of a famous musician was you got seen quickly. You would have felt guilty about this but you felt that nothing could happen soon enough. The beauty of the room was totally lost on you as you asked every person wearing scrubs who walked by you where the drugs were. It got to the point where Jaskier was worried they were going to UA you but fortunately this was a common response and after a much shorter period of time than it felt you were sitting leaned forward as they administered the epidural.

“It’s a shame Aevryn isn’t in here, she’d have found this fascinating,” Jaskier said, keeping his eyes firmly away from what was going on with your spine and focusing instead on holding your hand and helping you stay calm. You hated needles and it was a testament to how much pain you were in that you’d been so excited when you saw them bring it in.

Once you were gently placed back against the bed Win went to get you some ice and give you and Jaskier a moment alone.

“This might be our last moments before we’re parents. Well, before she’s really here,” you mused.

“I suppose so,” Jaskier said, pressing a soft kiss against the hand he gripped tightly, “Any last things you want to do before she’s here? Our options are sort of limited. Perhaps building a house out of popsicle sticks or prank calling someone?”

“No,” you said with a little smile, shaking your head, “I just want this. You and me.”

His soft blue eyes gazed into yours adoringly and he squeezed your hand a little tighter.

“Well you’ve got it. You’ve got me.”

“Jaskier?”

“Hmm?”

“I think she’s coming.”

-----

The next half hour was a blur of action. Doctors and nurses pressing you up into stirrups, Win holding her phone aloft playing the music, Jaskier helping you breathe, your eyes focusing on his when they weren’t screwed up tight in concentration as you pushed. In one moment there was the sound of Jaskier’s voice and the doctor’s coaching and Push It by Salt n Pepa and then there just one thing – the clear, loud cry of a baby entering the world. She was placed against your chest and you could vaguely hear Jaskier saying something, vaguely aware that you were crying but your focus was wholly on the tiny, messy, squishy baby in your arms. She was taken to be cleaned up and your eyes fell back to Jaskier. You’d never seen him so happy and in awe and utterly, deeply in love.

“You made that,” he said.

“Fuck yeah I did,” you answered proudly. Win left to tell the rest of the group and by the time they were allowed in she was clean and wrapped up tight in a lavender colored blanket, a little matching cap for her head. Aevryn clapped a hand over her mouth to keep from squealing when she saw her. Geralt walked over to Jaskier’s side as Yen went to yours and Valdo and Win hovered a little bit by the door, not wanting to overcrowd the room and giving them all a chance to meet her.

“Well, I know you’ve been wondering what we’re going to name her,” Jaskier said. You saw Valdo open his mouth, could almost hear him proudly crowing that he already knew her name, and you shot him a look that made him close his mouth quickly.

“Everyone, meet Aksamitka Geralta Pankratz,” he said. Yennefer looked from the baby to Geralt with a soft smile and if the man’s eyes got a little misty, no one felt the need to comment on it.

“So are we going with a nickname or…” you heard Win ask.

Valdo considered the table, expressive brows furrowed in consternation. A pair of arms slipped around his waist from behind and a kiss was pressed between his shoulder blades.

“What is it, V? Is a napkin off-center?” Aevryn asked, tone playful but affectionate. She loved how much care he took with preparing for things though sometimes he took it a little far. Right now, for example, he stared down the beautiful table as though it were the greatest disappointment of his life. There were seven place settings at the table which could easily seat eight. When he’d bought the table Aevryn had teased him about living out his dreams of being a King with his banquet table but she knew that he secretly loved that he had people in his life enough to nearly fill every seat. He’d been wanting to host brunch for a while but between tours and album recordings and life in general it had been put off. But finally it would happen and he was determined to make it such a wonderful experience that they would all clamor to return, possibly once every other week if they could make it happen with their schedules and certainly no less than once a month. He had taken great care to make sure that Sam, though six now and much more careful around sharp edges, sat in a middle seat with her own special plate that she’d decorated in a pottery shop with Aevryn on one of their Aunt & Niece days out. She had her own calligraphy printed sign to indicate where she should sit and he had placed her between Jaskier and Y/N, right across from where Aevryn, Yennefer, and Geralt would sit. Valdo would sit at the head of the table but only, he argued to a bemused Aevryn, because it would be easier for him to get up and get things as they ate. And she hoped they were in the mood to eat because he had prepared enough for a small army.

“Babe do you think perhaps we would be alright with, say, just two kinds of potatoes?” Aevryn asked tentatively. He looked up at her with a thoroughly dumbfounded expression.

“Aevryn, I’m Irish. Are you trying to tell an Irish man to serve fewer potatoes? Bloody English,” he muttered the last part under his breath and she threw a dish towel at his head which he deftly avoided as he went to pull the warming tray full of hashbrowns out of the oven. The doorbell rang and Aevryn ran to answer it excitedly. Yennefer and Geralt stood on the doorstep, Yennefer holding a bottle of champagne and Geralt with a freshly baked loaf of rustic looking artisan bread. Aevryn gave them both a quick hug and ushered them into the kitchen where Valdo gave them a greeting nod.

“Jask and Y/N here yet?” Geralt asked, looking around for any signs of Sam.

“Not yet, you’re the first to arrive,” Aevryn answered. On cue the doorbell rang again and Valdo smiled as he heard Sam’s voice.

“Hi Auntie Aev! Where’s Uncle Valdo? Are Uncle Geralt and Aunt Yen here? We saw their motorcycle. What’s that smell? Something smells REALLY good. Did Uncle Valdo cook it? I told daddy that I bet he’d cook it all but he said he’d order in and just pretend but I know that he really cooked it, didn’t he?”

Somehow she said this all in one breath and he heard Aevryn tell her that yes, he had cooked it all, and then the sound of Aevryn thwacking Jaskier on the arm. There was a hurried clomping sound with Y/N calling for Sam to walk and then she was there in the dining room, bright blue eyes wide with excitement as she took in the sight of all of the food. Jaskier, Y/N, and Aevryn followed not far behind, the former carrying a basket of croissants and a glass bottle of orange juice. The little group mingled and talked as Valdo focused on getting the last of the food ready, fretting that he’d forget something. Sam came around to his side of the counters and offered to help.

“I do have an important task for you if you’re feeling up to it,” Valdo said, crouching down to meet Sam’s eyes with a solemn expression. Her eyes widened and she nodded intently.

“I have made crepes but I want to make sure they’re satisfactory. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to try one out for me before I put it out for everyone else to try,” he explained.

“I can do that,” she said emphatically with the stoic expression of a cadet crossing enemy lines. He lifted her up and deposited her on an empty spot on the counter and put together a little crepe with some Nutella and strawberries and bananas. She took a large bite and then closed her eyes, a little smile crossing her hazelnut smeared face. Valdo watched her fondly and when she opened her eyes again and he asked her if it was satisfactory she nodded confidently.

“Alright everyone, the sous chef has spoken, brunch is served,” he announced. He helped Sam fix her plate with two of the types of potatoes (she wasn’t sure if she trusted the roasted ones which looked suspiciously like there may be vegetables mixed in), a crepe, a piece of bacon and a little piece of ham.

“Are there any potatoes left in Seattle?” Jaskier joked right as you said, “Oh thank god, someone who understands that the true hero of any brunch is the humble potato.”

Valdo beamed at your praise and shot Jaskier a smug look before graciously offering him one of four kinds of eggs he’d prepared. Before long they were all seated and eating, murmurs of praise for the food rippling throughout conversation as a new thing was tried.

“How has school been, Sam? Your mom tells me you’ve made a friend,” Aevryn asked. Sam’s eyes clouded a little bit and she shrugged.

“Well, I did, but her family is moving so it’s just me again,” she said. The adults all exchanged looks over her head of varying levels of consternation, sadness, and regret.

“You’ll find your people yet,” Valdo assured her, “I didn’t meet your Auntie Aev til we were 10.”

“And I didn’t meet your dad til I was 17,” Aevryn said.

“17?” Sam echoed incredulously as though she’d said they were 100.

“Did you tell your Uncle Valdo about the book you’re writing?” you prompted, trying to steer the conversation someplace a little less tender for Sam. Though she was a vibrant, outgoing, loving child she struggled to find friends that would stick around without moving for a parent’s job or just found different interests. You felt sure that Valdo and Aevryn were right now. She was still so young, there was still time for her to find her little family as you’d all found yours. Sam perked up and began to regale Valdo with the story she was working on about a wolf who found a fox and became its friend. Geralt grinned as she spoke, knowing full well who had inspired the story. It was also clear who the violet eyed panther they met was based off of and Yennefer smiled through a mouthful of croissant as Sam talked. By the end of her story Valdo insisted it would be a bestseller and then mentioned to you that he knew someone in children’s lit publishing who’d eat this up but you insisted she was fine without a book deal before her seventh birthday.

After they were finished eating they retreated into the large, open living room where Valdo and Sam sat by the piano while the rest of the group sprawled around on various seats. Geralt gazed appreciatively at the wall of vinyl records Valdo collected, glad that he’d had the forethought to buy Valdo a knife instead of an album for his birthday. Jaskier had you curled up against him, sipping from the mimosa that had been expertly crafted by Valdo, of course. Yennefer sat with her feet tucked under her on the large armchair that spun, rocking side to side lightly as she digested the large brunch. The uneven tinkling of piano keys was the backdrop of their conversation as Valdo taught Sam how to play chopsticks to your dismay and amusement.

“We should do this more often,” you mused aloud. Valdo’s head snapped up in attention and the barely restrained excitement on his face brought a smile to Aevryn’s lips.

“Well, we’re happy to host,” Valdo said, forcing himself to sound casual, “If people wanted to come around again sometime. Maybe sometime week after next?”

“I’d have to check the calendar and doublecheck with Andrzej but that work for us I think,” Jaskier said.

“Hmm,” Geralt said with a nod that Yennefer echoed.

“We’ll have to order more potatoes, though,” Aevryn joked. Valdo squinted at her and she stuck her tongue out which made Sam laugh.

After the last guest had left Aevryn and Valdo wandered back into the kitchen but she pulled him into a hug before he could start putting things again. She pressed a soft kiss against his lips which he returned, wrapping his arms around her and pressing her close as he deepened the kiss.

“What was that for?” he asked as he pulled back, emerald eyes twinkling.

“It was a good brunch,” she said simply, brushing back a wayward curl and grazing the curve of his jaw with her fingertips as she withdrew her hand.

“They seemed to like it,” he said.

“They loved it,” she emphasized, “They love you.”

“I love you,” he murmured, expressive eyes hardly able to contain his emotions.

“I love you too,” she said, brushing her nose against his, the whisper of a kiss brushed against his lips, “Almost as much as you love potatoes.”

He pulled back and she yelped as he reached down and gave her a swat.

Whoever was ringing the doorbell at the ungodly hour of – Jaskier checked his watch – 9am was going to be murdered on the spot. Usually he would have been awake by now anyway but so-called morning sickness (all-day-long sickness more like it) had kept you up late and Jaskier had stayed awake with you despite your protests, holding back your hair and rubbing your hair until you’d finally fallen asleep around 4 in the morning. Jaskier had fallen out of bed and thrown on a nearby t-shirt, not caring about putting on pants because frankly whoever tried to greet him right now could just deal with his boxers. He was stubbly and bleary eyed and his hair stood up in all different directions and when he opened the door to find Valdo fucking Marx standing there looking like a newly sculpted Grecian god, it took everything he had not to slam the door right back in his face.

Valdo slid the sunglasses up into his perfectly coiled curls and fixed Jaskier with an assessing, almost concerned look. His emerald green eyes scanned Jaskier up and down and he sighed dramatically.

“Gods, Jaskier, I thought Y/N was the pregnant one but look at you,” he intoned.

“Give me one good reason you’re on my doorstep right now. With a truck behind you. A moving truck. Valdo…” Jaskier’s face paled as he tried to think of any reason in the cosmos Valdo Marx would be moving into your home.

“Oh unclench, I’m here to help you actually. Just think of me as your Fairy Godmother. Well, the baby’s fairy godmother. This is mostly about her after all,” he explained, turning to gesture to the drivers who got out and went to open the truck.

“Valdo I’m so tired just tell me what the hell is going on,” Jaskier said.

“I’ve brought the crib,” Valdo announced.

“We have a crib.”

“You have a death trap. Aevryn told me about that thing and I looked it up with the model number and did you know that they had a recall on it twenty years ago?” Valdo said the words aghast and though Jaskier wanted to be annoyed with him, he had to admit he hadn’t known and it bothered him.

“Twenty years is a long time,” he argued. Valdo blinked at him a few times and decided to let that slide.

“I have done some research and found that the best, safest cribs are handcrafted by a man in Norway who actually cuts down the trees himself to ensure that the lumber is sturdy and then hauls it back. He only makes one crib a year. This one was supposed to go to some Duchess or other but I paid them off. The last thing the world needs are more royals anyway,” Valdo sniffed. Jaskier opened his mouth to protest but then he looked behind Valdo and saw the movers unload the most gorgeous crib he’d ever seen. It was a dark shade and had just enough filigree to be decorative on the outside without making it look pretentious, or dangerous. He could tell it was heavy as the men strained to lift it onto the dolly and Valdo watched Jaskier’s face with a smug look of satisfaction, and a little bit of genuine pride.

“Which way to the nursery, then?” he asked.

“Uh… well, we’re planning on moving Y/N’s study to a room down here and turning that into the nursery since it’s close to our room,” Jaskier replied.

“You don’t have the nursery y- Ok. No, this is ok. I can work with this. It puts us a bit farther behind than intended but this is fine,” Valdo said quickly, pulling his phone out and sending some hurried and texts. Jaskier eyed the men still hoisting the crib out.

“Should we, uh, tell them to come back later or…?”

“Oh, yes that will need to be stored back in the truth before the paint has dried,” Valdo answered.

“We don’t know what color we’re going to paint it yet,” Jaskier explained.

“Oh, don’t be silly I’ve seen Y/N’s Pinterest board and you’re going back and forth between what is essentially the same shade of blue. You’re both wrong, though. It’s going to be lavender. I’ve already sent some swatches to Yennefer to choose,” Valdo said quickly, waving a hand dismissively at Jaskier’s concerns.

“Well I don’t think you get to – oh,” Jaskier’s protests were cut short by Valdo turning the phone around so he could see the shade that had been chosen. It was a gorgeous berry shade that tinged just a bit more purple for a pale, frothy pinkish lavender shade that was perfect.

“Now I know you’ve been considering some sort of animal theme but that’s a bit played out. What about something more… dramatic,” Valdo asked with a quirk of his eyebrow.

“Dramatic?”

“Specifically, Shakespearean. I’m picturing something like a take on A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Not plastering fairies everywhere but making it look like the sort of place Titania would happily inhabit,” Valdo explained, pulling up a Pinterest board that was under Aevryn’s name but Jaskier suspected strongly Valdo had crafted himself.

“Listen,” Valdo said, resting a hand on Jaskier’s shoulder and fixing him with a pitying look, “I know this whole… baby business is exhausting. I have some skills and I would like to offer them.”

“Why?” Jaskier asked, delicately extracting Valdo’s hand, cool blue eyes fixing him with a suspicious look.

“I meant what I said last year,” Valdo said, face growing serious, “I want to make this work. Aev and I are happy but part of that happiness depends on some degree of civility between the two of us. Aevryn is going to be an Aunt and as my intended, that will make me Uncle. Or at least, I’d hope it would.”

“Just… come in and have some tea,” Jaskier said, unwilling to face any more of this before he’d had his morning cuppa. Valdo smiled, mouth widening into a broad grin that lit up his eyes and he gestured to the movers before following Jaskier into the house.

“They can have some too,” Jaskier said, gesturing to the movers.

“Oh they can have theirs later. I have to show you more of the ideas,” Valdo insisted. The two men sat perched up at the breakfast nook, looking through more pictures on Valdo’s phone as he explained his vision.

“Now that craftsman doesn’t make any rocking chairs, sadly, but I found a Nepalese woman and the order is ready to be placed the moment you say go,” Valdo said.

“Say go for what?” you asked, shuffling into the kitchen in a robe, hair still plaited, a testament to Jaskier’s ability with braids.

“You should have told me you needed something I would have brought it to you,” Jaskier said, jumping down from his seat and hurrying over to you. You rolled your eyes and patted his arm.

“Babe I’m not even in the second trimester, I can still move around. Morning Valdo. And anyway I wanted to make coffee and I know how you f- Valdo?” you spun in shock and he gave you a smile and a little wave. You glanced back at Jaskier with a questioning look and he shook his head.

“Aevryn sends her love. She would’ve been here but frankly she suspected there may be fireworks and wanted to stay out of it. Plus she had a recording scheduled,” Valdo explained.

“Well you’re always welcome here Valdo but… what are you doing here?” you asked. Valdo preened at your standing invitation as Jaskier gave you a wide-eyed look of despair that you pointedly ignored.

“I’ve come to help you set up the nursery!” he explained. He’d been a tiny bit worried, despite his bravado, that you’d be upset or feel that he was encroaching. As an only child in a family that wasn’t very close, Valdo wasn’t quire sure how all of this worked but he was desperate to learn. Relief washed over him when he saw you perk up and smile.

“Really?” you asked.

“Yes!” Valdo replied eagerly, crossing the kitchen to show you the board as Jaskier instinctively wrapped an arm around your waist.

“Oh and the best part is that of course I’m just providing the base but then you two can fill it with what you want. I thought it might be nice to get an item from everyone in your family, something old or new, that you can add to the nursery. Aev wants to paint the mural we talked about. Yennefer mentioned an old teddy bear and I think Geralt was joking about offering a knife but honestly who can say,” Valdo explained.

“What about you?” you asked. He blinked up at you in surprise.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“What will your item be?” you clarified.

“Well, I mean, I’m going to help paint and there’s the crib but… I thought that the items should come from family,” Valdo explained.

“Yes, I know,” you said, “So what item will you be providing?”

You saw the bottle green eyes grow glossy for a moment before he coughed and blinked the tears away and then tossed his head back, making a big show of thinking.

“The crib is beautiful,” Jaskier offered, “That alone-”

“No, I’ll bring something,” Valdo insisted, “That’s just furniture. She’ll have something of mine.”

“Good,” you said with a nod, moving to get your (tragically decaf) coffee, “Because Uncle Valdo isn’t getting out of Sam duty.”

Valdo wasn’t sure what to react to first, hearing himself referred to as Uncle Valdo or the first mention of her name. You’d both been very quiet about what you were calling her. Valdo knew Aevryn hadn’t heard it, let alone Geralt or Yennefer.

“Sam?” he asked.

“Oh fuck,” you said, turning to Jaskier who shook his head reassuringly.

“It’s ok,” he said, “Tell him. But,” he addressed Valdo as he said this, “No one can know.”

“Of course! I am the spirit of indiscretion! Now, what is the little princess’s name to be?” he asked.

“Aksamitka Geralta Pankratz,” you announced.

“Aksamitka… Geralta… that is… a mouthful,” he said.

“Bold words coming from a Valdo,” Jaskier snapped.

“Back down, Papa Bear, it’s not a criticism. Does Geralt know?”

“Nobody knows. Except you, now,” Jaskier said meaningfully.

“I will keep the secret to my grave. Well, presumably by the time she’s born you’ll tell people what to call her and I suppose by then it’s fair game,” Valdo joked.

“I’m gonna go lay down again but thank you Valdo,” you said, moving in to give him a hug. Valdo was still learning how to give hugs, still a little awkward and unpracticed, but he was getting better. You made sure to give him practice every time he came over and you suspected by the time Sam was here he’d be a pro. Jaskier gave you a kiss and when he offered to come up with you, you reassured him you were fine and the two men were left in the kitchen together.

“Alright, well you need to put on pants and probably shower and generally become a human and by the time you’re ready the supplies should be here,” Valdo announced, helping himself to the kettle of hot water Jaskier had prepared for his tea, rifling through their tea collection with a critical eye. Jaskier opened his mouth to protest but remembered your excited face when you’d heard he was there to help and Aevryn’s face popped into his head, that hopeful look she’d given him when he’d agreed to try and be civil with Valdo. He was surrounded by women, from his childhood to his adulthood and even unborn, who prompted him to try with this man and damn if he didn’t love them all enough to try.

Jaskier had actually allowed himself to believe that maybe Sam and Nic wouldn’t ever date. Valdo shot that down every time he voiced it, citing his own longtime feelings for Aevryn that he didn’t act on until much later. Geralt never really told Jaskier he was wrong but he grew suspiciously quiet and distracted by something whenever Jaskier asked him to back him up. The pair had been crushing on each other a bit since they’d met in middle school and now they were in high school and still nothing.

Until today.

Sam had announced casually that Nic was taking her on a date to the aquarium that Friday evening and when Jaskier protested that he hadn’t asked his permission she’d wrinkled her nose and reminded him that it wasn’t the 19th century. Jaskier had looked to you for support but again was left on his own as you gave him a look.

“Nic is a good kid,” you told him later, “They’ve known each other forever. Yennefer is friends with his mom. There couldn’t be a better first boyfriend for her.”

But Jaskier wasn’t convinced and finally he got the support he was looking for when he told the guys about the date.

“He’s making his move,” Valdo said, leaning against the pool table he’d been practicing on like some sort of mafioso. Geralt’s brows furrowed and he clutched his tumbler of scotch a bit tighter.

“I like Nic, don’t get me wrong. I trust Sam and I trust him as two separate individuals but put them together and it just feels….” Jaskier trailed off, trying to find a word to describe his roiling emotions.

“Off,” Valdo finished for him, “As well it should be. We’ve all been young kids before. Some of us are still old in fact.”

He preened as Geralt and Jaskier rolled their eyes.

“She’s your daughter too so we have to be careful of that,” Valdo remarked. Jaskier’s eyes shot daggers as he pulled himself up to his full height.

“What the hell does that mean?” he demanded.

“Oh calm down we know exactly what that means. The kid is a charmer and she’s got an appetite for romance. It isn’t bad, god knows I’m not judging or shaming, but she’s still only 16 and doesn’t understand the emotional toll of being intimate,” Valdo explained. Jaskier paled. He hadn’t even considered… intimacy. He and Y/N had talked with her about sex a long time ago, emphasizing matters of consent and dispelling the virginity as purity myth. You tried to raise her with a healthy knowledge of sex but that didn’t make the idea of you engaging in it any better. When Jaskier looked at you he could still feel the weight of you in his arms, the clutch of your tiny fist around his finger.

“What do I do?” Jaskier exclaimed, feeling utterly at a loss.

“You said it’s this Friday? As in tomorrow?” Valdo asked. Jaskier nodded in agreement.

“Valdo…” Geralt said, his voice warning.

“Hey! Listen! I mean no ill will to the kids but there was a time not long ago when chaperones were a thing. I’m just wondering if perhaps it may behoove us to bring that tradition back,” Valdo said.

“I don’t know…” Jaskier said, though Geralt could see the wheels turning in his mind.

“Alright well how about this… It’s been awhile since I went to the aquarium, a very public space which people have every right to go to. And it’s been awhile since the three of us went out for a guy’s trip,” Valdo suggested. Geralt swirled the scotch in his glass and thought for a moment. He could feel Jaskier waiting for his response, gauging how he felt and trying to be patient.

“I do like the otters,” Geralt said simply.

—–

“Oh my god they’re so cute!” Sam exclaimed, watching a sleek river otter work at opening a clam. Nic watched her, his long, brown curls brushed out of his face so he could watch her face light up with delight. He’d wanted to do this for some time but he was always scared, worrying that asking out his best friend would lead to losing her. His mom had advised him to go for it, ultimately. And he was so glad. They’d had some seafood for lunch and he’d impressed her with his octopus facts. In truth he could have told her anything about any creature and she would’ve been impressed, happy to hear him speak and that his hand kept brushing against hers, as they were right now. She reached out and took his hand in hers and pointed with the other one to a fluff otter baby but Nic’s eyes were on their entwined hands, heart pounding with excitement.

“Ah bless,” Valdo sighed, watching the young couple from around a hall corner.

“She looks so happy,” Jaskier whispered, brushing a tear away.

“Hmm,” Geralt replied, but there was a mistiness in his eyes too. Ciri hadn’t begun dating yet (as far as he knew), too focused on school and her activism, but he knew the day would come before he was ready. This was a bit of a test run for him, except Sam felt just as much like a daughter as Ciri.

“Shit they’re on the move,” Valdo hissed and the three men nearly fell over themselves running out of the way. They successfully followed at a distance, each wearing an attempted disguise to not bring attention to themselves from fans or Sam, and they followed them into a circular room where fish swam around the sides and above them. Though it was a popular attraction there weren’t as many people and Sam and Nic seated themselves in the middle, staring up as beautiful varieties of fish swam around.

“You know, the Pacific Northwest has over 40 subspecies of Sculpin alone?” Nic said, his deep brown eyes finding Sam’s pale blue ones as he recited the fact.

“How do you know so much about fish? You’re a baker, not a fisherman,” Sam asked with a laugh.

“Hey, I can be both! Don’t put me in a box, Pankratz,” Nic teased, a glint in his eyes. She quirked her an eyebrow at him and pretended to tap her foot, waiting for the answer. He finally relented, dropping his gaze sheepishly.

“I, uh, may have done some googling ahead of time to try and impress you,” he admitted.

“Nic Merigold, that may be the cutest thing I have ever heard,” Sam said. Nic’s eyes met hers again and she leaned in a bit closer. He swallowed hard, eyes falling to her lips, and he moved in as well until their lips gently touched.

“That’s alright, that’s fairly painless,” Valdo said, though he whispered through gritted teeth. Geralt clutched Jaskier’s arm, both to comfort him and because he needed to wrap his fist around something, the primal protective urge he wasn’t proud of bubbling up in his chest.

Sam slid a hand into Nic’s curls and moved to deepen the kiss, tongue sliding across braces a little clumsily. They pulled apart suddenly as someone fell over by the entrance.

“Uncle Valdo?” Sam exclaimed, rising and walking over to the man who carefully righted himself. He tried to gesture subtly for someone behind him to move away but she ran up too swiftly and caught Jaskier and Geralt who were frozen mid-stride, their faces turning guilty.

“What… the… fuck?” Sam muttered, staring incredulously as Nic walked up beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. He was a shy boy but when someone he cared for was upset that became his focus and Sam was definitely upset.

“Sam!” Jaskier exclaimed, “Fancy seeing you here!”

“Don’t,” she snapped, tone and voice becoming an echo of her mother’s, “Were you spying on us?”

“Spying is a harsh word,” Valdo began but he stopped as Sam shot him a dirty side-glare that reminded him oddly of his own wife. It seemed Sam had taken a bit of all of the Vicious Mockery ladies. The way she held herself and the anger that emanated from her was all Yennefer, though she remained in command of her actions, much like her Aunt.

“Nic thank you for a wonderful day but I think I need to go,” Sam said. Nic reluctantly pulled his arm away and she gave him an apologetic look that cut through all three men’s hearts, as did the mournful look in Nic’s face as well.

“Until next time?” Nic asked. Sam turned to him and planted a brisk kiss on his lips, squeezing his hand and summoning a smile as she nodded. He smiled back and lamely waved at the three men before moving off towards the exit. Sam turned back to face the three of them and to their mutual horror there were tears in her eyes.

“Mitka, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-”

“I’m not a little kid anymore. How can any of you tell me that I’m independent and can take what I want from the world and then turn around and spy on me when I go on a date. With Nic! Nic who you all know and love! Nic who’s been by my side since I was a kid! Why would you do this to me?”

She didn’t wait for their answer, spinning to run away towards a different exit than the one Nic had gone through. Jaskier moved to go after her but Geralt stilled him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Let her go,” Geralt said. The words struck terror into Jaskier as he considered the weight of all they could mean, but he relented.

Jaskier talked with Y/N about the day, confessing his role in what had happened and after a long conversation with a lot of similar expressions as the one he’d gotten from his daughter earlier that day, the two of you waited for Sam to return. You heard the door open and close downstairs five minutes before Sam’s curfew and Jaskier sat up.

“Do you want me to go with you?” you offered. Jaskier shook his head.

“I need to make this right on my own,” he said. You nodded, giving his hand a comforting squeeze, and texted Yennefer and Aevryn to thank them for dropping her back home, knowing that they’re who she would have gone to while upset.

Jaskier found Sam sitting in the kitchen, drumming her fingers against the granite countertop of the island. She glanced up when he walked in but looked away again.

“Uncle Valdo has offered me a car if I stop being mad at him. What’s your best offer?” she asked. Jaskier swore internally and made a note to talk with Valdo – yet again – about extravagant presents, much less bribes.

“What’s the going rate on a sincere apology?” Jaskier asked. She raised a hand and gave a “so-so” gesture which was all of the encouragement he needed.

“I shouldn’t have betrayed your trust,” he began, leaning against the counter to face her though her eyes stayed on the counter, “It wasn’t right. You’re smart and responsible and vastly wiser than I ever was at your age. And I do trust Nic, he’s a good kid. It’s… hard to watch your kids grow up. And that’s not on you, that’s something I need to deal with myself, but I want you to know that I see you as the young woman you are and I’m proud of you. And I won’t butt in again. Unless you want me to.”

“I won’t,” she said, eyes rising to meet his.

“I know,” he said a little sadly. She caught the sadness and sighed.

“Daddy I know you mean well and I know it’s hard. But it’s not like that much has changed. I still need you, just in different ways. Like, I may not need you to tie my shoes but I need you to trust me. And I may not need you to fight my battles for me but I do need you to be there for me when things go wrong,” she said. Jaskier smiled softly and nodded.

“I can do that,” he said.

“Good. Also, you’re totally paying for our makeup date,” she insisted.

“That seems fair,” Jaskier agreed.

“And you’ll let Uncle Valdo buy me the car,” she said, a sly look in her eyes.

“Nice try, Mitka,” Jaskier said, crossing over to her and pulling her into a hug.

“Eh, can’t blame a girl for trying,” she muttered, wrapping her arms around his waist and returning the hug. “I love you, daddy.”

“I love you too,” he replied, murmuring into her hair and trying to blink back the tears. When she pulled back there were some in her eyes as well.