#punchdrunkint

High Street is empty.  I don’t know how to process the ending of @sleepnomorenyc because I don’t think I truly understand the impact this show has had on my life. I am not the same woman I was in 2011, and a lot of this change is due to the show, the people who embodied these characters, and the phenomenal community I have been privileged to be a part of that has formed around the McKittrick.  Yesterday, I checked into the Hotel for the last time, and spent much of my time systemically wandering through every room, saying goodbye and remembering so many incredible things that happened in every space. When I reached fifth floor and the forest, “I stood by the iron gate… I could not enter, for the way was barred to me” but in the distance I could see the Nurse and the Matron leading people through the trees. I watched them pass, and then rested in the dark and the quiet for the last time. The tears began in earnest, and then I reversed the path I just taken through the building, pausing here and there to breathe and remember.  When I reached the ballroom and witnessed Macbeth’s fate for the last time, I ended up between two dear friends; and it was perfect. We were able to say thank you to the cast in a way that had never been possible, and then a hand reached for me in the darkness and led me into the Manderley. It was Hecate, giving me one last hug and goodbye.  I’m sure over the coming months I’ll understand the space that Sleep No More created in my heart better through mapping the void that has been left behind. But I’m grateful that the actual gift of the show, the people, has not vanished. I am looking forward to seeing how our bonds shift and change and the amazing creativity that has not been lost. It has, in fact, been given time and space to grow in ways I am excited to witness.  Thank you to all the folks I have come to love and admire over the past thirteen years. I don’t have the space here to name you all, but you are written in my heart forever.