#pumpkin ass

Because I would rather know someone wonderful for a short time and feel the tremendous mix of pains (them easily forgetting me, and the fact that we will be continuing our lives independently of each other after a certain point) only for the chance to meet and talk to this beautiful person. But that never happens because I can never actually go and talk to them. So I just end up writing about them and then they leave my life and it's even more painful than I ever could have imagined. And then I want to hate them, I want to be really really mad at them for not deciding that I'm important enough to stay in their life. I squeeze my fists together and dig my nails into my palms. I want to be stark-raving angry but I just cry at the lost instead. And then I realize that I can't be mad at them for anything, because it was me who decide to destroy myself.

"You are too sensitive."  "You are too attached."  "Why do you try to be so deep? Just be simple." Funny. It's like, everyone seems to know me so much better than I know myself.   If they really knew me, they would know I am not any of these degrading, trivializing things. It's absolutely ridiculous.

Alea is one of those people whose name makes more and more sense the longer I've gotten to know her. Bosses need boss names, and she's got one.

When I was first getting to know Alea, I didn't think we'd get really close because she was much too cool and smart and like a boss to want a friend like me. Her friendship has helped me be more of boss.

If you tell Alea something you don't want everyone to know, she will keep it to herself like a boss even if someone asks her directly about it. (Alea, do you play poker?)

Alea is one of the easiest people for me to talk to about life and gender issues and queer issues because she's a boss.

Alea has boss knees. Seriously. Touching her knees is one of the most fucking relaxing things in the world for me.

Alea has boss taste in music and dancing to her music makes me feel like a boss.

Also, her hair is boss. No matter how long or short it is, Alea always wears it like a boss. Alea could be bald and still be a boss, because I swear to God her whole head is fucking boss.

Who has style as boss as Alea? Answer: No one.

Alea-letters are so boss, and I feel un-boss-like for not sitting down to write more letters to her recently.

Alea's such a secure boss that she makes other people feel like bosses. Like when she came down to support me reading my thesis. Or when she surprised me on my birthday. What a boss!

One of the highlights of junior year: taking Psych classes (especially Psych of Gender) with a boss like Alea.

A highlight of sophomore year: living next to a boss like Alea.

One of the hardest parts of senior year: missing a boss like Alea.

Alea was in my first tumblr profile pic (being a boss with me in the snow).