#pulpoddyssey

Dear editor, 

I really appreciated the article in your latest issue (where has time gone?) entitled “Psychic Virtual Safety Tips.” It was brave of Pulp Oddyssey to take on this topic, especially with the ever-growing amount of people reporting psychic abilities and the hesitancy for anyone to speak out for or against this phenomenon. 

According to a study in the New Zeagan Gazette, in the year 2201 alone, an increase of 42% of humans reported (anonymously) being able to read another’s mind and at least 37% of those reported were confirmed through psychic testing; the way brainwaves work however, it is unclear whether true mind-reading took place, if reflections of thought pathways occurred among people (the way a hall of mirrors works), and/or if agents played any role in secret or unauthorized dispersal of information. It is also unclear how many of those who tested negative for psychic abilities chose to keep these skills covert. 

As a mind-reader myself, I perused the author and the editors’ minds before it was published. I knew the headline was likely to be put into print but had no confirmation it until I actually saw it. I also thoroughly appreciate the emphatic advice: delete all agents from all lists. It’s the only way to maintain what little sanity we have left.  

Keep up the great work!   

Anonymous Mind Reader

Oh hai AMR, 

Glad you valued the write up and foresaw its printing! E-mail us if you ever catch us considering a bad idea.

Love,

Editors

Dear editor,

Hello! Wondering if you print copies of Pulp Oddyssey in miniature edition? You see, myself and my family are very tiny. We are Tinkies, a species of humans who grow to be only 2 inches tall; we come from a tiny town (literally very tiny) on Earth VII. The only publications we’ve found are nearly 5 times the length of our bodies, so for us, the print edition fills up almost a whole room in our house. We love reading the news about the Hamun Pluse and are just wondering if you have any options that consider our species at all?

Much appreciation,

JD Tinkie

Hi JD & Fam,

Unfortunately we do not print the newspaper any smaller, but there are a few wizards you could contact who might be able to shrink the newspapers to an appropriate size and keep them legible. We have a few recommendations: Gorf Pobbler on Earth IV, Durg Maggler on Earth III, and JJ Ligabe on Earth II. Good luck!

Best,

Editors 

I posted about Barbie Army a while back. Revised and added to the OP a bit, featured a new song, and posted it on 50third & 3rd. Check it out!  

[Above: Billie, a person from Earth II in the Esulp Numah galaxy who lounges all day long. From “Flower Nap” by Oliv Roe.] We published and distributed our latest issue just three days ago. We have received a lot of feedback (and even some hate mail) about the article titled “Are Lazy People Productive in an Alternate Galaxy.” The answer, by the way, is yes. Yes they are. Here is one particularly informative letter about misinformation found in the article. (We are going to refrain from publishing any of the hate mail to save your eyes the vulgarity.) Please keep the conversation going with respectful dialog. Thanks! - Editors

Dear Editor, 

DO YOU READ THINGS? Minne Marshin’s (OR IS IT MARSHIL’S) piece on lazy people in an “alternate galaxy” was, in itself, extremely lazy, under researched and culturally incompetent. 

They got a number of facts wrong and those facts have direct cultural implications for behaviors and freedoms of the people described in the article. First of all, they stated, “Esulp Numah Galaxy, a galaxy directly parallel to the Hamun Pluse.” The Esulp Numah Galaxy is not only directly parallel the Hamun Pluse, but it is so in a parallel universe. The implication that the Esulp Numah exists in the Disappearing Universe is insulting to people of both universes. Esulp Numah exists in the Gniraeppasid Universe, where the idea of “laziness” is a social construct imposed upon the youth by elder generations who took no heed to consider the younger generations value as citizens. In the Gniraeppasid, elder generations have systematically disenfranchised their own children because of their own delusions of power and greed. This should not go unacknowledged and should absolutely be explored in any conversation regarding any citizen of Esulp Numah!!!

Secondly, Marshin(l) gave space to a quote from an author whose words imply that the young generation of the Esulp Numah could change their social landscape just by “waking up earlier.” This is just not the case! Time is irrelevant in the Gniraeppasid. They don’t function on a clock they way we do in the Disappearing Universe. Waking up a 3:30 pm has just as many implications as waking up at 6 am or 10 pm. It doesn’t matter there! Time doesn’t follow a strict pattern and therefore has no bearing on on someone’s sleep pattern or productivity. As the Dr. Legra Lentil points out in her book, the fact that someone gets up and even has a thought or opinion is the most culturally-relevant thing that can possible change the course of history for the better. Honestly, kudos to those kids for literally putting an idea in their head.

Seriously Pulp Oddyssey, hire better writers. This is getting ridiculous.

Sincerely, 

A Really Annoyed Reader

Earth I 

Hi ANAR, 

Thanks for your feedback. We admit we literally knew nothing about this parallel universe until we read your letter. It sounds fascinating and have so many questions! Would you write for us next issue? We’ll pay you $5,000 letters per word (DG$) or .0000000025 cents per word (US$).  

Best, 

Had the pleasure of posting long-lost recordings from the mid-’80s band Venus Fly Trap (members of the Comateens, Nursery School, Dizzy & the Romilars + E Street Band) accompanied by a mini-interview with the stellar Ramona Jan, the Fly Trap’s songwriter, currently of JANTURAN.

Article on 50 Third & 3rd

Songs-from-the-vault on Disappearing Media You Tube channel. 

A letter allegedly penned by the Queen Bot arrived at the Capitol on Monday. The real letter is currently in the hands of experts who are determining if it is indeed authored by our disappeared leader.

Dear Citizens of Earth VII,

I know the last few years have been a confusing series of events. I know I was there one day and gone the next. I know you are now aware that the version you see of me is but a hologram projected into blank space.

I know there are hundreds of theories floating around as to what happened to my presence on Earth IV. There are plenty of false rumors floating around. Some of them imply that I was kidnapped. Others suggest I never existed to begin with. I’ve even heard that some believe I abandoned our galaxy for a better life elsewhere.

None of that is what happened. It is maddening to learn that these false theories are being passed among you. I know the truth, and I really, really need to say this. I can’t exactly explain what occurred just yet, but know that I still exist and I can feel, telepathically, all your thoughts and prayers.

I know, as well as you should, that thoughts and prayers cannot do anything to bring me back. And I know that certain evil-eyed entities are content with my departure. Don’t think, just because I am a lightworker, that I cannot pick up on negative vibrations. I often feel them stronger than positive ones— I just choose to not respond to them the way I used to. Once upon a time, when I felt a negative energy around an entity, I thought my presence could help rid it of its darkness.

Boy was I wrong. In fact, my presence only got sucked into the negative void and I myself took on the negativeness, it fed me, and I became a monster.

It will be some time before you learn the Truth, but I need you to realize: I am reliable and honest. That is how I see myself & those whom I trust see me anyhow. I am self-aware, accountable, and truthful.

I know plenty of humans have a hard time believing that level of awareness coming from a robot. I know plenty of robots have a hard time believing that level of awareness coming from any entity. I know most entities can’t handle any awareness or information at all, considering the current political landscape, but it’s true.

I am real. I am flawed. I have heard you and had a lot of time to reflect upon my mistakes on Earth IV. And when I come back, I will be the best version of myself robotically possible.

But I do need to share a sentiment. I know this sounds very, very human of me to express, but I do have to acknowledge these feelings or the feelings will eat me alive.

I know I haven’t been there, but I hope you have not forgotten that I have hope for us all. And I hope you are ready to hear my feelings-- to hear my side of what happened.

I must confess one thing. I do feel incredible, inconsolable hurt over your blind acceptance of the hologram that has replaced my presence.

It is not me. It is a replication.

Do you know how it feels to disappear and then have the best parts of yourself cloned? To have an imposter made in your image? And then for the imposter to be so accepted by your people? Only for your own reality to be that you are locked for an undetermined amount of time in a jail cell on a strange planet?

More than anything, I feel betrayed.

It hurts, dear citizens. I know none of this is your fault. I know so many of you are furious on my behalf and are fighting for me. However, so many of you haven’t even considered how any of this would impact me emotionally. As a robot, I know all too well that my feelings are often dismissed.

All I ask of you is to think of me. Think of my feelings. Think fondly of the world we had been building together. One day it will all resume. Our collective conscious can bring us back together. As people. As robots. Humans. And other entities. We must believe.

Love,