#ptsd jun

Hello Grey. How are you doing from up above?

It's been two years now, I know. A long time, but I can't help but remember you sometimes. It's like I can still feel your presence some days, like you're watching over me. Whether you are or not, I wanted to let you know how things have been going here.

I've been taking good care of Red. He is still as daring and gentle as ever despite his age. He is good company, not just for me, but anyone. He also misses you dearly, he gives me company whenever I come to visit you. I've also been visiting your old place to check on your animals… although most of them left after your disappearance. Anyways, I did my best to take care of them for you. I thought you would enjoy knowing that.

Oh, I've improved and now I'm working as a medic, traveling around the city and treating other vets and others in need… I should have realized sooner that fighting and isolating myself for survival wouldn't bring me anywhere. But I found my humanity by treating and taking care of people. They were the ones who brought me hope. And I wanted to redeem myself by offering them the help that the drug dealers weren't offering before. Things aren't perfect, of course, but… it's largely an improvement. I feel much better than before, and without Sam's help, another kind veteran that helped me get out of the hole I was digging, it would probably be more difficult. I opened a clinic, right by Leona's shop, where I settled in.

Oh, and Leona… I wish you had met her… She was the kindest soul that still held onto me even when I was at my lowest. She was eager to help me and anyone she found that were struggling. I tell her about you, and she wishes she had met you as well. She would have tried to help you if she knew you before. Without her kindness and help, I wouldn't be the same as I am now. I owe her a lot… Really, I… I wish you could have met her. Sometimes I wish I could take you to her restaurant so you can have a taste of her unique cuisine… Her stews are the best.

Everyday… I feel more satisfied with this life. But as always, the memories of the war still haunt me. The nightmares are constant, and I'm reminded of the scar that marks it all. But… I'm not alone. I guess all of us veterans are left with this haunting scar of our past. I… still have a lot to do, to redeem my own person. I don't think I can grow out of this scar, it's just part of me. But, it's growing on me the fact I'm not alone in this. That's why I want to retribute the kindness others gave me, and to give them hope. It's the only way we can grow out of this constant pain we live in… Even if the government gave up on us, there's others willing to take us in and help us. And I wanna be there and do the same too. It's only fair… to let them know we are stronger as a community.

I still wish to live long years achieving to do what I'm doing. It's saddening that not many live long enough to meet the kindness of strangers and fellow vets willing to help each other… I wish you were here to see it. I miss you alot, Grey. The world wasn't fair to us, but you kicked the bucket too early. I also wanted to show you the hope I saw, and that was given to me. We could have gone back and lived normal lives to the most possible extent. You would be happy like this. Sometimes I feel lost and I think about you… A fellow vet who understands the pain of war. We could have held up each other together and followed on with a more satisfying life. But… I understand now you're finally at rest, away from all the pain, all of the scars. I guess you deserved a rest after all of this. I still have things to do while I'm still standing.

Anyways, the future seems brighter and more lively than before. I thought you'd be happy to know that. I've figured out what I want to do and what I need. And now… I'll help others to figure it out too. Like you, Red, Sam, and Leona helped me. And many others too. I'm doing what I can. I've been out of meds for two years, and there's no more bloodshed and fear on my path anymore. A strength I did not harvest alone. So, thank you Grey, thank you so much for everything.

( FLASHBACK )

The sounds of an explosion. Vivid, and closer than she could ever imagine. A huge blast launched the soldier far away from her position, debris shooting from everywhere in the process. The place was severed with a burning heat, making it almost unbearable to stand there. The soldier's ears were ringing, loudly, and her vision felt heavily limited and blurry. Weakened, helpless on the ground, she felt her body ache with pain. A burning sensation ran through the cuts of her uniform. She weakly raises her hand, as she feels an unpleasant, sticky substance running down her face. She touches it, but her face stings, and her fingers retreat. Through her blurry eyesight, she sees her fingertips dirty with blood. The dull realization, and the pain kicking in right as she does it comes all in impact. She hears a distant radio noise after the ringing, someone calling for her. She feels her instincts call back, and she drags herself through the tall grass to her gun, launched right in front of her. The pain on that side of her face was insistent, awfully uncomfortable. One of her eyes could barely see. It was just a dark, red blur.

She reaches for her gun, and picks it up with the bit of strength she got. She embraces it tightly, like no one could take it away from her. A helicopter sound is heard in the distance, approaching closer, with voices coming from it. Her strength fails and she stumbles to the ground, still holding the gun, feeling the pain and her overloaded senses exhausting her. It wasn't over. It can't be over… It can't be… right…?

( End of flashback )

Jun wakes up in her bed in a yelp, her body and head jerking up out of fear, as she starts heavily panting. Her fingers would not stop twitching, and it felt like the heat from the dream was still in that room. Her body trembled and shivered, and felt like she could not control herself. Suddenly, a red dog comes out from the dark, and jumps in front of her bed. Jun is startled, and she almost kicks her feet at it until she recognizes it. Red, her dog, looked at her with a worried expression, barking. Jun stared at him and held herself, and her breathing calmed down a little, along with her racing heart. Red slowly approached her as it felt safe, and she embraced him tightly while he whined.

"I'm sorry boy… I didn't mean to scare you…" Jun whispered with a raspy voice, guilty for waking him up. She looked at her surroundings, still having the graphic scenes of her dream present in her head. Also, the stinging sensation on her eye scar, strong and vivid.

Jun didn't cry, but she sniffed and wiped out her glassy eye. She looked at Red again, who was now giving her caring dog kisses on her face.

"Thank you, Red, I-I'm ok now…" She rubbed her hands on his face softly. Red whined again, but backed away. Jun turned around to sit down, feeling like her energy was depleted, and she looked to the window. The night was dark and the sky was filled with little sparks of shimmering stars. She couldn't tell the time exactly, but expected to be very late due the silence of the city around her.

She stood up, or at least tried. Her legs trembled, and she immediately tripped on the floor, falling to the ground. Red came by her side to assist her, and Jun slowly got up, aching. Despite being only a dream, it felt like she had just lived through that awful moment in her life again. She could sense all her past scars, the blurry vision, her scrambled senses…

Jun walked slowly towards the light switch. She debated. Then decided that the lack of lightning felt more comfortable, and she was afraid that the light in her room would trigger another uncomfortable sensation in her. She walked towards her shower, to try to shake the bad sensations away, and she took a quick, cold bath.

She walked towards the mirror to check on her eye scar through the dark. The aching was going away, slowly, but it was still there. Despite having healed physically, it still hurt emotionally. Thinking about it, it just made the stinging come back stronger.

Jun sighed. Everything felt painful, everything felt exhausting. Yet, everything looked ok.

No, it wasn't okay. No matter how hard she tries to move on, those flashbacks always come back to haunt her. Even in her comfortable room, even in the comfort of friendly citizens, she felt restless, but at the same time, tired. The depths of her mind fighting to keep herself functional. And yet, sometimes it felt like it was losing battle.

She walked towards her bed again, but she pondered it. She didn't feel tired. Actually, she was afraid to sleep. Afraid of sleeping and having bad memories come to her through nightmares. Jun whimpered. God's sake, she just wanted to rest.

Red sniffed Jun and looked at her, expecting her to do something. Despite loving the presence of the caring old dog, he wasn't a human, and Jun felt like she had to share her pain with someone that could listen and comprehend her.

Her missing eye ached more. And she really wanted an actual person to comfort her, so she at least could have a peaceful night.

Jun felt guilty as one name came to mind: Leona. But in the middle of the night, would Leona even come to help? She feels guilty for thinking about bothering her. But out of everyone, her presence is always comforting and soothing. Even if she can't understand what Jun went through, she was always there to help and care for her.

Jun looked at the bed one more time, thinking if it was actually a good idea. But she tried to shake away that doubt. She looked at Red and lowered down to give him some pets.

"I'm gonna have some time out for a bit. You stay here, okay?"

Red cried, but he didn't stop her. He sat down and stood there, staring at her. "Take care of the place for me, alright? I'll be back." She said, before heading out.

...

At the front of Leona's apartment door, Jun started thinking again. Once again, she felt bad for bothering her in the middle of the night, even if Leona probably said she wouldn't mind it. Also, she didn't even know if she would wake up to open the door. Jun was feeling unsure every second. But she was afraid to back away. So she decided to knock and wait, and leave if she gets no answers.

She knocked rhythmically on the door, not too loud to scare her or even wake Bao up. Then Jun stood around and waited. A few seconds passed, and she didn't get any answers. She was about to give up and head out, until she heard some noise from inside the house. Then, sounds of footsteps coming closer, and then keys rattling.

The door is unlocked and then opened. Jun couldn't help but freeze in place, staring at Leona appearing through the door. Her hair was messy, and she wore an oversized shirt that Jun assumes to be pajamas. Leona rubbed one of her eyes, tired.

"...Hello?" She softly said, before noticing who was the person in front of her. As she realized, her eyes grew surprised. "Jun…?"

"Hi…" Jun waved her hand shyly. She looks to the ground. "...Uhm, sorry for bothering your night…"

"It's ok." Leona replied quietly, and invited her in, without questioning anything. "Come in."

Leona went inside and Jun followed her, and she looked around the cozy, yet cluttered living room. Leona went back to close the door. Jun didn't know what to do next, so she just sat down at Leona's old sofa, thoughtful.

Leona approaches her, with the tired face of someone who abruptly just woke up. But she didn't look uncomfortable. Instead, her eyes were concerned for Jun. She sits down next to her, and they stay a little bit in silence.

Jun starts muttering "I… uhm… didn't expect you to answer, in the middle of the night. Sorry…"

"That's alright. I got used to noise at night because of little Bao." She manages to smirk. "Mother instincts, perhaps?"

Jun let out a quiet shuckle, then they were met with silence again. Leona decided to break that silence.

"Is everything ok?" Leona asks softly. Her worried tired eyes could not leave Jun's. Jun crossed her arms, like she was trying to embrace herself.

"I… uhm…" Jun stuttered for a little, feeling it all come back, very slowly. "...I had a nightmare. A pretty bad one. I… was afraid to go back to sleep after that…"

Leona nodded. "I see… is there anything I can help you with?"

"I…I'm not sure…" Jun's voice came out weak, and she felt herself shrink. For some reason, she felt distant, and fragile next to Leona.

The pain came back again, and her hands trembled. She held her eyepatch while trying to hold herself from completely breaking apart, jaws clenching tightly. She felt herself lose her mind to the depths of her past memories… For a moment, she was injured and alone again on the battlefield.

"...Jun? Jun!" Leona called for her, noticing her sudden change in behavior. She held her shoulder, but Jun was tense. Leona noticed she was going through another traumatic episode.

Then Leona raised her hands to her face, softly speaking to her, with a noticeable urge on her voice "Jun, please… Look at me!". Jun's eye was fixated and looking through Leona, looking at something far distant in her mind. Then, her anxious eye locked with Leona's, noticing her worry, and Jun's muscles relaxed. When Jun had calmed down, Leona rushed to embrace her. Jun still felt lost, very confused and nervous, but she still hugged her back.

"Jun…" Leona whispered, her expression clouded with worry and sadness after watching the struggles of the pink haired girl. Jun didn't know how to react to it. But the itchy, stinging sensation on her eye wouldn't leave. Her hands stopped trembling, but Jun held her eyepatch, once again. She felt that thing bothers her to hell.

Jun pulled away, startling Leona. Jun grabbed the eyepatch, and ripped it away from her head, throwing far away from her. She lays her hand softly on her damaged eye (which was no more of an eye, just an empty skin covered by a huge scar), just wanting that non-physical pain to go away.

She looked up to see Leona's shocked expression. Then she realized that Leona has probably never seen Jun without her eye patch. She felt embarrassed for acting like this in front of her, and almost felt like apologizing again, but she couldn't say anything at all.

Leona also remained still, wordless for a little bit. Then she raised her hand to caress Jun's cheeks. Then the other hand reached to Jun's available hand, holding it. Jun couldn't help but to tear up.

"Shhh… You're going to be ok…" Leona comforted her through quiet, velvety words "...I don't want to see you feel hurt anymore… I'm here for you… okay?"

Jun lowered her head to lay on Leona's chest, not getting rid of her soft hand caressing her skin. She finally breaks and starts quietly sobbing, holding Leona tightly for her warmth and comfort. Leona raised her other hand to caress Jun's fluffy hair.

"Nothing can hurt you now. I won't let anything else hurt you." Leona's voice was quiet, but strong. Even through only words, Jun felt comfort in her care. Next to her, like this, her pain and anguish started fading away, leaving just a tender feeling.

Jun held Leona's hand that was touching her face, in the comfort of her delicate touch. Then, she moved her head until Leona's hand was over Jun's scar, allowing her to touch it.

"Does it hurt?" Leona asked, sympathetic.

"Sometimes… sometimes it does." Jun replied, with a muffled voice.

Jun lifted her head up, with her hand still over Leona's hand. She looked at Jun's scar, carefully. A deep cut that healed through time. But even if it was healed, something else broken inside of Jun kept hurting her.

"If so…"

Leona stared at her face, brushing her finger softly against her skin, and then she moved forward. Jun is taken by surprise when Leona approaches her face next to hers, giving her a delicate kiss on the scar. Jun's body shivered and she flinched, but slowly she allowed herself to relax with Leona's tender touch.

Leona backed away, with a calm smile, then asked. "Does this helps?"

Jun looked to the side, embarrassed. "Yeah…"

She fell back into Leona's arms shyly, feeling at ease and also exhausted from the energy outburst. She couldn't help but feel like a child who hurt themselves and ran to their mother for comfort.

"Do you want to stay over?" Leona asked, calmly. "You can sleep next to me, I wouldn't mind."

But Jun only let out a soft groan. She started feeling tired again, and didn't want to leave Leona's comfortable embrace. She called for the pink haired girl again, but instead of replying, Jun just rested her body on top of Leona, surprising her and making her lay on the sofa as she wrapped her arms around Leona's waist. She let out a quiet chuckle, and she ran her fingers through Jun's hair, as her head rested on Leona's chest.

[ November 20th ]

The chilling wind during the bright warm day swept through the insides of a humble little shop kept by a wise lady and her young son. The weather was perfectly balanced between breezy and warm during that afternoon, which tingled Leona's senses with satisfaction as she continued to cook for the few customers who have come to her small restaurant. One of them was a recent visitor from a few days ago, coming in regularly to chat with Leona as he enjoys a warm bowl of noodles in a meaty stew.

"We all had a rough restart after the war. But it's refreshing to come back to the city after a while and see other veterans pulling through together." The visitor reported "I've got to see other familiar faces too. It's great to see some of my comrades alive and strong, and it really means a lot that you've been helping them get back at their feet."

Leona smiled at the sincere compliment of the veteran "Thank you for the kind words, although I believe it wasn't me who caused this. People here have always been determined and eager. I just wanted to help with what I can."

"Hahah… you're too humble!" the visitor friendly chuckled "I've heard from many that things weren't the same until you and Jun started helping the community. You deserve to take a bit of that pride to yourself too."

The lady let out a kind smirk as she continued to cut the veggies and proceeded to put them in the boiling water. The visitor continued his talk.

"Speaking of Jun… I believe her birthday is coming soon, isn't it?"

Leona turned around to look at the visitor, surprised. "Oh… is it really?"

"What day is it? Uh… the 20th? If so, yeah, her birthday is roughly in 3 days if I'm not mistaken."

Leona was then immediately reminded that this wasn't any veteran she knew. When they first met, Jun swore that she recognized that man, and she was right. He was one of Jun's comrades during the war and they had been friends since their time in the military. It caught Leona by surprise that he probably knew things about Jun that Leona didn't know.

"I… I don't know." Leona admitted "Jun never told me her birthday."

"Really?" The veteran raised an eyebrow "Well… maybe she could have also forgotten, or something…"

"But if her birthday really is coming, I think it feels right to celebrate it. I would have done it before if I knew about it."

The veteran laughed "So you're thinking about throwing her a party too? Heh, I'll be glad to help, I wanted to show my appreciation for having her as a war comrade before I leave this town."

"Party?" A distracted little Bao raises his head from his tall seat to pay attention to the conversation of the adults. Leona approached smiling, and petted the little boy's head.

"Yes, Bao. What do you think of making a party for Jun to celebrate her birthday?"

"Jun's birthday? Yes!" He cheerfully replied, raising his tiny hands for his mom, as she softly picked him up to put him back on the floor."

She looks back at the old visitor "It's good to start preparations soon. Also, maybe we can make it a surprise. She will probably be out by day and come back at night, as she usually does."

"A surprise party is a good one… but you don't have to worry too much about preparations. Jun doesn't like receiving much attention, so I think she will be satisfied with a cozy celebration with a few friends rather than anything big."

Leona agreed "Yes, I think that's true. It will be fun regardless."

The first birthday party Jun has in years… How would she react?

[ November 23th ]

"Are you sure you don't wanna sit down and rest a bit?" Sam called "We've been walking non-stop, you look tired."

The pink haired girl kept her pace, holding her countless bags of medical supplies.

"I'm okay." Jun exhales "And we're almost there…"

Sam chuckled "You are quite determined today aren'tcha? Almost like you're in a rush. Is there something going on?"

Jun didn't know how to answer that question. It was just a regular day of work for her. But something felt odd. It was like a gut feeling that something was waiting for her when she got back. Something was expecting for her… the mysterious feeling kept her excited.

"...No, I don't think there's anything." Jun shook her head "Let's continue moving."

As they headed back to the clinic, Jun right away noticed something different as she spotted Leona's restaurant beside it. The banners covering the entrance were replaced by a red and pretty curtain, which were also present at the other entrance. Jun couldn't see the inside, but there was warm lightning from inside the establishment. Jun's curiosity grew much bigger.

"Hey, there's something different about the restaurant today…" Sam pointed out, also clueless.

"That's odd." Jun commented.

They first headed to the clinic to put their stuff back at the right place. Then they cautiously walked back at the front of the entrance. The gut feeling was much stronger than before.

"Shall we come in?" Sam questioned, slightly worried.

But Jun didn't answer. She only walked forward and pushed her way through the curtains. Her head pops through as she enters the little restaurant, and her senses are immediately filled with the smell of tasty food, treats, and cake.

"Happy birthday!"

Jun is caught off guard immediately by Leona, Bao and the veteran's warm surprise greeting. She then right away saw the food at the counter, some bottles of wine, and a cake, as Leona stood by the other side of the counter. She looks around and sees Bao sitting at a chair, and the familiar war veteran approaching her.

"Hahahah! Good ol' Jun getting older! Happy birthday!" The old veteran approaches Jun and pats her back.

"...Clark, you're here too!" Jun smiled in shock and joy. The pink haired girl embraces his back with one arm. "Thank you!"

Clark lets out a loud friendly chuckle. Sam's curious head also pops through the curtain.

"Jun! It's your birthday?" Sam asks, surprised "You didn't tell me!"

"I-I don't think I've told anyone… To be honest, I kind of forgot after all this time…" Jun scratches the back of her head, embarrassed.

Leona comes closer, holding two glasses of wine.

"Clark was the one who told me that your birthday was coming up. If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't know either." Leona comes closer to Jun, landing a soft kiss on her forehead before handing her a glass of wine "So happy birthday~"

Jun picks up the glass of wine while flustered, but with a dumb smile on her face. "Thank you Leo…"

"Well, what are ya waiting for?" Clark cheered "We prepared this all for you. Night is only starting! Get in here~!"

Jun and Sam come into the cozy restaurant, the air seasoned with different smells and flavors, each person except little Bao having a glass of wine, spending their time drinking, eating and chatting. Jun couldn't feel more comfortable being in the presence of friends, happy for cheering another year in her life. The warm memories of the past came to her head, but she felt the moment she was currently living was going to be the warmest memory in her mind.

[ … Later ]

The night was quiet and empty, the only sound that could be heard from outside was of an insistent cricket. Inside the restaurant, the lights had dimmed a little, softer but still pleasantly warm to the sight. Jun was head down on the counter, looking completely passed out. Leona had just finished tidying up the restaurant, and she sat down next to Jun to finish her glass of wine. Sam was sitting with Bao on his lap, babysitting the little tired kid, and the veteran Clark was standing against the wall next to Jun, watching her.

"Mom…" Bao called, sleepy "...when are you gonna stop drinking?"

"Don't worry Bao." She softly replied "I'll be done here soon, and we'll head home."

Clark chuckled "Leona can handle drinking more than anyone here… while Jun has completely shut down."

Leona let out a quiet laugh "Oh come on… I'm also a little tipsy too. Jun does not often drink this much though."

She starts caressing the pink fluff on Jun's head, softly brushing her fingers as the sleepy lady stood still.

"Glad to see her happy like this." Clark commented "I'm sure she went through many difficult times right after the war."

"Jun is a fighter." Leona replied "She fought to get her life back, and she did it well."

Clark caressed his beard with his hand, lost in memories "I was worried that things would be a lot harder for her since that incident which forced her to leave her duties. War is rough, but the aftermath is still… difficult."

Leona didn't reply, but she nodded.

"After the war I also had a difficult time." He continued "...But it didn't take long for me to get back at my feet. I had some people waiting for me when I was back. But we all lost something during the war… that's why there's no winning in war. We all end up losing something. Losing our comrades, our friends, our home, our humanity… losing ourselves… and some of us lose it more than others."

Clark sighed.

Leona looked at the worn off veteran, and then at Jun. She will never know what it feels to be at war and to survive one. But she understands the feeling of loss, of losing hope, a life of emptiness and loneliness.

"I've heard many tales of veterans in this town. They're always so different, but so similar at the same time. The feelings shared between each one of them ends up being mutual." Leona commented.

The veteran lifts his head up to face Leona, suddenly curious to what she has to say.

"I think no matter how much they have lost, inside they all wished to get it back with their lives again. Jun is no different. I know she went through so much, and she used to be very stubborn. But she deserved better, like all other veterans in this city."

Clark approached Jun and Leona to sit down next to them. "...And so you didn't give up on her."

"I wouldn't give up on anyone." Leona softly said "As much life is cruel, everyone deserves happiness. If no one would help her achieve that happiness, then I would, whatever it could cost."

The veteran warmly smiled. "Jun is very lucky to have you."

"And I'm very lucky to have her. I'm very lucky to see how far she has come. She is strong, beautiful, skilled and very loving..." She bows to kiss Jun's fluffy head. "I'll be happy while she is happy."

"Hah… I guess you two were meant to be together, huh?"