#psa??

As most of the people that have interacted with me (especially when this blog was on a blast two years ago, whew), know that I used “he” as a preferred pronoun. At the time it was the most fitting pronoun for me because I was presenting as a guy, I was 100% comfortable with it and I was quite dysphoric (as in I was having severe gender dysphoria). The people that know me more personally know that during that time I was physically presenting as masculine as I could, even if that meant dealing with transphobia from people in real life and from my family (who I never actually came out to, just the fact that I was ‘looking like a guy’). I made this side-blog before my last year in high-school and in the first year it brought me so much happiness. I was engaging with so many people, making so many friends that I still feel so, so close to me. 

In the meantime I’ve been through some things, I’ve put the blog on private for a while, I’ve got into uni, I moved out of my parent’s home, I made new friends in the new city, my self esteem got up a little bit. And my perception of my gender changed. I’ve realized I don’t feel as ashamed of my body anymore (I’ve lost around 10 kilograms which did make me feel more confident), of it’s components. I don’t hate it anymore. 

I do think that in high school I’ve experienced gender dysphobia, because every time someone was calling me by my full name, was using “she”, I was feeling like I want to crawl out of this body. Now I don’t feel that anymore. I’m just as comfortable with “she” as I am with “he”. I don’t really have a preferred pronoun anymore (tho I find ‘they’ to be the most fitting for me). I learned more and I decided that if I had to choose a label, non-binary is one that fits quite well. 

I began to experiment with my feminine side again, look at it with different eyes. Began to love it too. 

In the end, the reason I wanted to make this post is because lately I’ve been feeling like I was lying to the people that I care about on here, and there are a bunch. I was feeling like I was lying to every new follower that I have (btw, when did y’all get to 3k??? I was truly overwhelmed with this number, thank you thank you thank you). I wanted to be clear with all of you and I also wanted to feel more comfortable coming here and maybe complain about my life outside tumblr. 

Okay, listen..

I’m sorry for what is happening to your right now, and hope nothing but the best for you and your future. Find people who you can trust and feel comfortable around or go seek a therapist. there is always someone who cares for you..

That being said, please. For the love of god don’t send me these asks. Unless I know you personally or you’re a close friend of mine, please don’t. I’ve gotten these before and they just,, really stress me out. I want to help, but i have been putting the weight of others on my shoulders for far too long, far to many times. It doesn’t help getting these messages and asks because you can’t just be like,

Oh sorry but go away I don’t want to deal with this because I don’t know you and I don’t want to deal with everyone’s depression.

I want to help, I don’t wish for anyone to feel like this, It sucks I know; but please find help from a professional, or a friend..

I feel really bad for writing this because they seem very desperate and alone, but I don’t know what to do and I’m in no state right now to...take this weight?

I’m sorry if I seem mean, I don’t intend to be so. I just had to say it, since this is not the first time I get these messages.

I want this blog to be as positive as possible, so sorry for something slightly more negative.

step 1) unfollow those blogs that put posts that make you feel bad on your dash (yes you can unfollow me if you want because i get that my content might not be for everyone)

step 2) blacklist tags so that you don’t accidentally see anything you don’t want to! if you don’t know how to blacklist, here’s how!

if you’re on mobile go to tumblr on your browser and hold down on the reload button until ‘request desktop site’ pops up. from there you’ll be looking at tumblr as it appears on computers.

go to settings and you’ll see this:

3. filter tags you don’t want to see (#julian blackthorn negativity is what i tag!)

{ Ah! Hiya! Im fine and dandy, don’t worry. im still kinda into 2016 humor still (self-loathing jokes basically) so i don’t really mean most of what I say, unless it’s like super serious (which is super rare, considering my humor )

However, school does tend to stress me out, resulting in a lack of motivation to post anything and have replies done on spot. No that I think about it, a lack of movtiation (not posing basically) + my semi depressive humor can set off some false red flags, which i do apologize for.