#protobot

first, the lower left quadrant: Low emotional availability, low physical risk.

Skip: he’s a ghost. you phase through him. he also doesn’t even care. Petey K: he cares a little, but tends to zone out. Lays there like a body pillow, but might hug back if youre upset. Aunt Arctic: She’s great at cuddling and has years of experience, but has a lot on her mind.

Upper left quadrant: High emotional Availability, low physical risk.

G Billy: Again, lays there like a pillow, but listens to your every word and gets emotional with you if you’re sad. He was the first penguin ever to catch a mullet, but threw it back. Rookie: Ideal for cuddling, but can become overly-empathetic at times.

Lower right quadrant: Low emotional Availability, high physical risk.

Herbert: Dangerous Cuddler! he’s massive. the guy could crush you. he doesn’t give 2 shits about you, he’s going to use your sad, crushed body for what little warmth it has. Sensei: he’s going to spend the whole cuddle meditating, and might overheat like a space heater on a blanket. Scorn: Dangerous Cuddler! again, massive. he might listen a little, but that’s just to know how to make you miserable. He might also turn you to stone. Cadence: Emotionally available, but again, could zone out. has a high risk of bailing on your cuddle to make music when the inspiration hits just right. Gary: He’s here to listen and offer advice, but he’s really small and a little squirmy. he also doesn’t trim his toe talons and they could poke you.

Upper right quadrant: high emotional availability, high physical risk.

Klutzy: Dangerous Cuddler! Klutzy loves you! Klutzy loves everybody! klutzy can cut steel beams. Protobot: Dangerous Cuddler! Cold metal and very large, but will try her best to at *least* preserve your body long enough to pick your brain for all your emotions. Then you’re as useful to her as a slice of cold turkey, and soon enough she’s bootlegging your rough divorce. Merry Walrus: very empathetic, but has tusks and is, again, very large. Rockhopper: Willing to listen, but ONLY cuddles during thunderstorms on the open seas. Paige: Dangerous Cuddler! a wonderful gal, but will only cuddle with at least 5 puffles. Some of those puffles could be on fire, freezing cold, eating the blankets, using lasers, or the worst possible thing: An attention hog who wants you to stop snuggling and watch it jump rope 90 thousand times. Franky: he’s fairly low on the physical risk, but he DOES bring his guitar to bed.

And now, the sweet center square of ideal cuddle buddies: