#proper lush

Albeit, it was during sex. And I felt like kicking myself because I hesitated and he caught it really quickly. And it wasn’t because I didn’t have an answer. It was because I had too many. And they were all pushing themselves out at the same time, so I choked.

I didn’t know how to tell him that I love his face and the shape and the texture. That when I met him, he felt so familiar and comfortable. That I find it so hot that he’s so smart and 9 times outta 10 he gets what I’m saying. I want to tell him how it’s so refreshing that everytime I bring up a movie, he’s already seen it. I want to tell him that I think about him all the time, that he gives me the worst case of tunnel vision I’ve ever had…

But I’m so upset.

I haven’t learned yet.

I keep saying mean things because it physically hurts me to be kind. When I feel like I’m about to say something nice, I feel a tornado in my chest.

He hasn’t seen the worst, and I hope he never does. I hope I haven’t hurt him too much thus far. I wish I could take everything back.

He asked me what I love about him.