#promiseyouwillwrite

🥛 Within The Heart of Me  by drabbleswabbles* [NR, 9K] Lucy goes to the hospital to talk to Tim. When she arrives, Hawk is already there.

Otherwise known as a prompt fill that wanders a bit off the mark, but is close enough in spirit to give credit where credit is due as far as inspiration goes. Prompted by: @beyondxmeasure

🥛 Darkness Before the Dawn  by @beyondxmeasure | Cyantific [NR, 1K] It’s June 1944, following the US offensive against the German-led Caesar line that tore through a small squad of the 141st Regiment, killing two men and wounding others, along with Sergeant Hawkins Fuller. Following the blast of the Nazi’s K5 railway gun, he underwent surgery to repair sustained shrapnel damage and is now recovering in the Army’s 32nd Evac Hospital. In the bed next to him lies Corporal Marcus Gaines from the 85th Infantry Division, also wounded in action.

Or, the story of how Hawk and Marcus met. Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 you just make my whole world weep (i'm at your feet)  by @startagainbuttercup | startagainbuttercup [E, 1K] Even now the thought of the shape of his mouth imprinted on Tim's skin makes him shudder as he slides down Tim's body past his ridiculous Christmas sweater.

Or, a blowjob scene that went very differently. Prompted by: @startagainbuttercup

🥛 Let Me Shower You With My Love  by @beyondxmeasure | Cyantific [M, 7K] Hawk helps Tim in the shower.

A 1986 canon divergent fix-it. Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 like being home  by @startagainbuttercup | startagainbuttercup  When Hawk turns eighteen, he expects the name of Kenneth Willard to appear on his skin, tattooed on his arm or his leg, a soulmate mark that bonds you forever with the person you belong to.

Hawk doesn't know what you're supposed to feel for your soulmate, but what he feels for Kenny, his sweet Kenny must be very close, or at least Hawk thinks it is.

Or, a soulmate AU one person asked for and I still managed to do it wrong. Prompted by: @ishipallthings

🥛 I Belong to You  by @beyondxmeasure | Cyantific [E, 2K] This isn’t even close to how he saw their night ending, but here they are, and if Tim wants it rough, who is Hawk to deny him?

Or, the ‘Hit me.’ scene… but a little different. In which Hawk still hits Tim, just not where you think. Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 Please Ease My Pain.  by Southernkiss* [E, 3K] As the four men shed their clothing, their motivations varied. Some sought to satiate a thirst that could never be quenched, while others craved the rush of dominance. But little did they know, their desires would lead them down a path of self-discovery and into a twisted reality they never could have imagined. The darkness that resided within them and in this new world consumed them, tainting every aspect of their beings. And as they delved deeper into this abyss, they soon realized the true consequences of their actions. Prompted by: @doodlingawaits

🥛 gold-skinned, eager baby  by @lispenard-street | lispenardstreet [E, 10K] Tim sets out for Fire Island with a single goal: to dig Hawk out of his pit of self-destruction.

As it turns out, Hawk is after something else entirely.

A 1979 fix-it… of sorts. Prompted by: @lispenard-street

🥛 you should be in my space (you should be in my life)  by @startagainbuttercup | startagainbuttercup [E, 3K] What if Tim let Hawk touch him during their mutual masturbation session. Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 In my nothing, you meant everything to me.by @in-our-special-place |  Cupping_Cakes [M, 636] Her body trembled with conflicting emotions—a slight tingle of pain for being unfaithful, but also a wave of happiness for finally feeling desired. Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 make sure he knows by b3y0ndm3asur3* [G, 693] “How did you manage it?” Marcus asks Hawk, not making eye contact.

Hawk squints at him, head pounding from the amount of liquor he’s consumed over the past couple of days. “Manage what?”

There’s a pause. Hawk watches Marcus swallow. “Losing a kid,” he says eventually through gritted teeth, like he has to force the words out. Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 is it over now? by @satelarry | satelarry [M, 42K] Seeing the love of your life walk away without being able to tell him that you love him has to be one of the worst situations a person can go through. But Hawk decided to fulfill Tim's request, knowing it will be the last.

What happens when he wakes up, 18 years before, with the knowledge of what's going to happen if he makes the same decisions?

Does the ending always stay the same?

Or, the Time Travel AU in which the only thing ruining Hawk's plan is Tim's stubbornness. Prompted by: @ishipallthings

🥛 In his voice I heard decay, the plastic face forced to portray. by @in-our-special-place | Cupping_Cakes [M, 557] Marcus finally broke the silence, his voice heavy with sorrow. 'Hawk,' he said, his gaze fixed on his glass. 'I have something to tell you.' Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 So simple now by @startagainbuttercup | startagainbuttercup [G, 581] Hawk has loved Tim his whole life, too. He's loved him since the minute he saw him smiling adorably on that election night. He's loved him since the moment he felt him writhing in his arms, lost in pleasure. He's loved him for thousands of years, even before he was born. He loved him every second of every minute he spent with him, and he loved him even more when they were apart.

Or, the "I have loved you my whole life…" scene, but in Hawk's POV, a lot of overwhelming feelings. Prompted by: @lispenard-street

🥛 I'll follow you down and I am here right beside you. by @in-our-special-place | Cupping_Cakes [E, 1K] Tim's eyes were filled with a mix of satisfaction and sadness, as if he too felt the ache of their lost connection. Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 There’s no place I'd rather you be than with me. by @in-our-special-place |Cupping_Cakes [E, 719] Their embrace was raw and primal, fueled by the angst of wanting each other but being afraid to admit it. Prompted by: @ishipallthings

🥛 something i can't go without by @satelarry | satelarry [E, 7K] Hawk goes to Fire Island to escape dealing with his feelings but that isn't far away from Tim's kind heart. Perhaps he doesn't want it to be.

Or, The Meat Rack AU. Prompted by: @beyondxmeasure

🥛 Just keep on usin' me Until you use me up. by Southernkiss* [E, 1K] Tim could feel Hawk's hot breath on his neck as he whispered in his ear, 'You want to be loud, Tim? Well, go ahead. I want to hear you.' Prompted by: @deputy-buck

🥛 Yours forever anyway by @bluebellsinburbank | ConsumingLove (Bluebellstar) [G, 733] Hawk and Tim dance together. Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 Until next time by @lovebunnie | space_kid [T, 1K] There was a moment in time where he could have run into Tim in this hospital with his newborn baby. He could have seen the devastation in his eyes as the betrayal became real, no more an abstract concept born in the early hours of the morning. Hawk had just missed watching Tim lay eyes on his son for the first time. He itched for a cigarette. Prompted by: @feelingpure

🥛 He calls late at night by @startagainbuttercup | startagainbuttercup [T, 1K] Hawk calls Tim after Jackson's death Prompted by: @lispenard-street & @ishipallthings

🥛 Love is an angel disguised as lust by @bluebellsinburbank | ConsumingLove (Bluebellstar) [E, 2K] Hawk's eyes darkened, from outshining the daytime sky to rivaling the night. His lips curved into a wicked smirk. If Tim didn't know better, he might suspect he'd just played right into Hawk's hands.

"Educate me." That wasn't exactly what Tim had intended. But, his attention caught by the glint off Hawk's wedding ring, Tim decided he could work with that. Or, the edging fic that's probably sixty percent soft. Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 My religion is you by Southernkiss* [E, 734] Tim bit his lip; his body was already aching for more. 'You spank them,' he whispered, his voice trembling with desire. Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 I wave my hands and I got you by Southernkiss* [E, 616] He belonged to him, ring on his finger or not. Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 I’ll become the sea and the sea will come to kiss me by @in-our-special-place |Cupping_Cakes [M, 1K] Tim's voice was a gentle whisper. 'I know, Hawk. But I'm here. You're not alone in this.' Prompted by: @ishipallthings

🥛 We’ll be on the road like jack kerouac by @jesterlesbian | captainquint [M, 4K] He tried to think of what Tim would do or say. The man who had only spoken to his son a handful of times over one weekend in 1968, but had seemed to understand him far better than Hawk ever had. The business card felt like it was burning a hole in his pocket. An idea burst to life in Hawk’s mind. This was an emergency if he’d ever seen one. “What would you say to coming with me to San Francisco?” Or, Hawk and Jackson go on a cross-country road trip to San Francisco. Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 Like to make you comfy cozy by @bluebellsinburbank | ConsumingLove (Bluebellstar) [G, 1K] During a lazy night in bed together, Tim sings Hawk to sleep. Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 So give me just a little, baby Just something to get by. by @in-our-special-place | Cupping_Cakes [E, 1.3K] Tim couldn't help but think that this was the best milk delivery he had ever received. Prompted by: @beyondxmeasure

🥛 You take my body I give you heat. by @in-our-special-place | Cupping_Cakes [E, 1K] Without hesitation, Tim bent down and began to lick the milk off of Hawk's body, savoring the taste and feel of Hawk's skin under his tongue. He traced every muscle and curve, his lips and tongue sending waves of pleasure through Hawk's body. Prompted by: @startagainbuttercup

🥛 champagne lovers  by @satelarry | satelarry [NR, 12K] It's awards season, and what better way to celebrate than with a Hawk/Tim awards AU. Whether they're strolling the red carpet together, supporting each other as they're up for awards, or just presenting something. It's up to you. Just 'tis the season for this kind of AU! Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 You taste divine  by @carnivalrow | nightfall_in_winter [E, 1.3K] Hawk joins Tim in the shower in episode 6 because he wants to kiss him…there! Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 A Star To Steer Her By by Anonymous [NR, 6K] Tim is a starship captain, Hawk is a diplomat. Things happen when Hawk arrives on Tim's ship. Or, the Star Trek AU one (1) person asked for. Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 Beautiful Things by @carrotcakecrumble | LuxLox [M, 1K] I turn away from the radio I’d just been tuning, there’s a crackle and pop on the wave, but Miller’s ‘Over the rainbow’ is just about spattering through in tune. Kenny says something about how he loves this one. It could be the first time he’s hearing it, for all I know. He falls in love with everything.

A multi-chapter fic following a young Hawk and Kenny throughout their relationship, from beginning to end. Prompted by: Anonymous

🥛 the thrill of your sweet embrace  by @redmyeyes | redmyeyes [E, 4.4K] "Somewhere, a butterfly opened its wings."— Erik Larson, Isaac's Storm

Let's see if we can make this a fix-it. Part 5 of Fellow Travelers. Prompted by: Anonymous

Mary just shrugged, grinning, but then her expression quickly sobered. “So… you believe him then,” she said carefully. “About having expectations.”

Tim’s smile soured, the familiar frustration beginning to boil again in his gut. He would have loved something to lash out against. Hawk, for instance. For being too charming, for not leaving his pregnant wife, for getting married in the first place. For letting Tim leave, depriving them of three more years they could have had together. For existing, making Tim feel this way at all. Infinitely worse, this was frustration with no object. A hopeless rage against the bitter unfairness of the world, and of their situation. He felt the weight of the future pressing down on them. Hawk was still married. Lucy was undeniably pregnant, and very soon would not be. The apartment that Hawk had turned into their private nest would eventually be sold. What did expectations and promises and wishes and dreams mean, in that kind of environment? “I’m trying not to think about it,” he said finally. “I thought I would be able to— keep things casual. That it would be enough for me. This time. But he just—” Tim sighed, his lips curling up into a forlorn smile as he remembered the fondness in Hawk's eyes as he’d brushed Tim's hair out of his face and whispered that vague non-promise. “All he has to do is smile at me. One simple smile. One simple phrase, and just like that, he upends— everything.”

There was a look that might've been pity on Mary's face, and Tim stared down at his plate and picked at his sandwich so he didn't have to see it. He was grateful for the late-ish lunch hour, meaning the diner was less than half-full, and to Mary, for having the wisdom to choose a booth towards the back, so that he could speak the pronouns he wanted without fear of people overhearing. One less place where he needed to hide. “Can I ask you something?” he said, and at Mary's sound of acknowledgement he continued, slowly, “If Caroline… if she wanted you to be part of her life… even married, with a baby…”

“Would I?” Mary finished. “I can't say I've never thought about it.”

“You never said what was in that letter she wrote you. Did you ever write back?”

Mary was silent. Grief washed over her face and was quickly contained. Finally, she said, “I never wrote back, no. She wrote me months ago, and I didn’t know what to say, and the longer I put it off— it just became impossible.”

“I wonder if that’s what happened to—” Tim waved his hand, indicating you-know-who, then continued ruefully at Mary’s confused look, “I wrote him a letter. A few months back. It was stupid.”

“If he never wrote back, then how…?”

Tim flushed. “I may have also sent him a telegram.” At Mary’s raised eyebrow, he added, “It was work-related! Or, it was supposed to be.”

“And you haven’t asked him why he never responded to your letter because…”

“It was stupid. I’m sure he just threw it away, it wasn’t—” he shook his head, giving Mary a rueful smile. The truth was, ever since making the impulsive decision to write the letter and drop it off at Hawk’s apartment, he’d been agonizing over it. He’d told himself at the time that he didn’t want to see Hawk, so he just slipped the letter under his door, knocked, and ran away, but once outside he couldn’t resist a look back, and he thought he’d seen movement at the window. The image of Hawk calmly watching him, of reading the letter and choosing not to respond—it made Tim cringe with mortification any time he thought of it. He’d chosen his words carefully in the letter, aiming for a tone of distance and maturity, but since dropping it off he’d questioned every line. For God’s sake, he’d said directly, I still love you, as though that were something that Hawk ever needed to hear. He’d never even said it aloud.

Perhaps that was why he’d felt the need to placate Hawk, assuring him as he was leaving that he wouldn’t be any trouble. That he had no expectations. This, even after Hawk had said that he wanted Tim in his life, which, from him, was practically a declaration of love. And instead of just letting it lie, of taking the easy out offered up on a platter, Hawk had—smiled, had—Tim buried his face in his hands with a groan.

“That bad, huh?” Mary said, not without sympathy.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Mary.”

“Join the club.”

That got a painful huff of a laugh out of Tim, and he looked up, surprised to find his vision blurry with tears. He took his glasses off and wiped at his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket. “Sorry,” he said. He picked at the remainder of his sandwich, removing the top layer of bread and fishing out the tomato slice, which he popped into his mouth. Mary was quiet across from him, hands around her mug of coffee, her plate clean. “So, what would you do,” he asked, returning to his earlier question, “you know, if Caroline had asked…”

“I think the letter was her asking. Maybe not explicitly. But it was an invitation. To write back, to be in each other’s lives that way… maybe even, to occasionally meet again? But what’s the best case scenario there? Either way, we wouldn’t be sharing a life together.”

“I don’t know, you could’ve been like… Oscar Wilde and Bosie, writing letters back and forth.”

“You do know that one of them did two years in prison, right?”

Tim gave her a tiny smile. “I know.”

“And while Wilde and Bosie were off having their affair, his wife was at home raising the kids.”

“Right,” Tim said, his smile fading.

“I’m sorry,” Mary said. “Even if kids weren’t involved, I guess I just… couldn’t bear the idea of coming second. It feels like flying too close to the sun. Then again, I made her second, first, by choosing my job over her. I don’t know why she would even want—” she broke off, shaking her head with frustration. “I don’t know. I wish there were easy answers.”

“You and me, both,” Tim said, aiming for a lighter tone, as well as a subject change. What he wouldn’t give to be back on that magical night at Mary’s apartment three years ago, where he’d thought for the first time that maybe it was possible, after all, to live a life of no guilt, surrounded by a like-minded community. A place where he’d felt safe. And seen. They’d all been so naive.

He tried to romanticize it in his head, sometimes. That loving Hawk was suffering, and what was more romantic than making himself a martyr to love? He would be like Jesus, fasting for forty days and nights in the desert. The absence of God leading to divine transcendence, the act of longing in itself a surrender.

He would feel utterly convinced, satisfied in that surety, and then an hour later he would be back to missing Hawk painfully, wondering how soon was too soon to return to Hawk’s apartment, and whether he could bear to spend the night there alone waiting for him to never show.

“I said I had… ‘expectations’.”

“What does that mean?”

“Who knows.” Hawk knocked back a sip of scotch, relishing the heat in his throat. Across the table from him, Marcus just raised an eyebrow, and Hawk rolled his eyes. They knew each other far too well. He needed newer friends. “What,” he continued dryly, “like you’ve never said anything stupid in those— moments of clarity.”

Marcus chuckled, shaking his head. “You, making promises in a post-nut high. Unbelievable.”

Hawk saluted him with his glass. “Speaking of promises. I haven’t seen your… paramour around lately.” He drew out the word, knowing Marcus hated it. He could never keep track of the on-again-off-again relationship Marcus had had with Frankie over the past three years. Watching the two of them, even their fights, even those moments when he would meet Marcus for a drink and Marcus would do nothing but rant all night— Hawk was supposed to think that he was better off. Instead all he felt was a sick jealousy that he didn’t want to examine too closely. Because a week after the ranting, or two weeks or, once, memorably, three months, came the smug, happy smile on Marcus’s face. Hawk wished he could say he was only jealous of the smiles; he was jealous of the arguments, too. No one had ever gotten under Hawk’s skin like Tim.

Marcus was looking at Hawk contemplatively, and then he leaned forward, arms crossed on the table. Hawk recognized the move as a prelude to a subject change and Marcus dropping his brand of “wisdom”, and braced himself accordingly. “You know, normally,” Marcus drew out slowly, “anyone would write off those kinds of promises as crazy talk. Which means, either he thinks they’re real, or you do…”

“When have you ever known me to believe anything I say?”

“Point,” Marcus acknowledged. “Still. Takes a cold bastard to lure him back in, as hung up as he was on you, and you're not as heartless as you like people to think you are.”

“Appreciate the vote of confidence.”

“Wasn’t a compliment. How did you lure him back?”

“I object to the word ‘lure’,” Hawk said. “But if you must know, he sent me a telegram.”

“A telegram.”

“Sadly, work-related. Kid was concerned about the Hungarian refugees.” Hawk waved his glass to indicate the ridiculousness of the cause or, perhaps, the ridiculousness of Tim’s concern for it, but underneath the facade all he felt was— proud. Still the same Tim, trying to do good in the world. Still, his Skippy.

“So, naturally you had to find him a job.”

“Well, who better? If nothing else, he is— passionate. About the causes he believes in.”

“Uh huh,” Marcus said dryly. “Have you at all thought this through?”

“You’re one to talk.”

“We’re not talking about me.”

Hawk rolled his eyes and finished off his scotch. He needed another. “Obviously I haven’t thought it through. It’s not like I can reverse Lucy’s pregnancy. And even if I could—” he shook his head.

“It’s not fair to Tim.”

“He’s a big boy,” Hawk said with a sudden surge of annoyance. “He can make his own decisions.”

“Can he? The kid is blind, when it comes to you. And I’m starting to think you’re the same.”

“What would you do then?” Hawk asked, throwing up his hands in defeat.

“I wouldn’t. That’s the difference.”

Hawk blew out a frustrated breath. “Helpful. Always so helpful.”

“If you cared about him, you’d let him go.”

Hawk looked up sharply. “He came to me.”

“Did he? Or did you chase after him again at the slightest excuse.”

That silenced Hawk. He flagged a waiter over and ordered another round for them both. When he’d delivered their drinks and was gone again, Hawk said, finally, “When are you and Frankie getting back together? I need happy Marcus. Or at least a less cynical one.”

“Don’t start,” Marcus said with a sigh.

Hawk swirled the scotch in his glass, drawing out the moment before taking a slow sip. He dreaded going home, to Lucy. He was equally scared of going to the apartment and finding Tim not there, like their meeting two days ago had been only a happy dream. He wondered if Tim had been waiting for him there last night. He wondered if Tim would ever forgive him.