#projectjen

One could not make this up!

I thought that Fusi-san was harder to see than Hanami. I couldn't have been more wrong.

During all previous years I went to Japan in March as usual - with variation from 1st till 26th of March depending on the events that defined my schedule. And Sakura, real Sakura, not early blossom, was not early than 10th of April. I just had to see the different photos and drearily yearned for. 

The last year was more insidious. I flew exactly the day when the beginning of the season was announced, thanks to the old tree Sakura-sama in the Yasukuni park, which blossomed. 

And, at the beginning of 2018, I was sure - I would not skip Hanami blossom. I will arrive on the 5th of April. And will be able to see the beginning or the high point of Sakura blossom.

Whoopsie! But no! >.<

In this year due to abnormally warm weather Sakura has blossomed for some days earlier. And the high point of flowers was during a week - from 26th of March till 1st of April. 

And...drumroll...

I will not see the Hanami in 2018, I still not deserve it XD

And now I can tell about it.

My life will be changed from 5th of April

This path was so long. The path of tears, bewilderment, and fear. The path of hope, dreams, and ambitions. The path of references, documents, and correspondences. The path of bits of advice, answers, and questions. The path of apprehensions. It was the path which I had chosen and which had to follow even when I desired to deviate from. 

It was a long path to go, I had to clench my teeth, and at times denied myself in many ways. It was a path of betrayals, support,  refusals and positive decisions.

I really don’t know how it will be in that future. I do not know how much it will coincide with my expectations.  I don't know if I can cope with it or withstand there. But I know exactly I will do all my best and not regret solution I had taken. 

Nothing to regret.

This phrase in ligature was placed on my right wrist from last year. It reminds me every my decision is mine, and it is necessary to be responsible for any result, and accept it as it is. Accept, make conclusions and go on. 

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

And that really is so. Because of decisions came from where they were not expected and suddenly those people whom help was not waited from.  Throughout these two years, every step, every day, every action. Every time, when I felt a big panic and it seemed that everything lost, I found or I was suggested solutions. And this path was in progress, again and again.

I know who and when became my start point. I remember what prompted me to undertake all these things and actions. I’m sure without this motivation from on high I might not have brought myself to it, never. But, if I started this, I might as well go all the way.

All dreams what we are thinking about must come true. And now it is a time to think out a new dream!

But why do I speak of all this?

On 5th of April, I will land in the second Narita Airport terminal. And it will be the time when “tadaima” is not only for two weeks. I’m coming home. I’m sitting at the table and writing this post and there is a passport near me. And the duration of stay - 1 year and 3 months - worms up my heart. Sure, it will be great to extend this term for years. But I know, there ain't nothing I'm really looking forward to. Just dream and make this dream come true.  By steep and toilsome ways to the stars. With happiness, sure. I just... it is hardly believable yet. I still can’t come to grips with. Probably, this understanding will come a bit later; after two weeks, such habitual two weeks, I will understand I have not to leave the country again.  There is a year of Japanese language school before me; new trials and accomplishments, new challenges and solutions, new ups and downs before me. There is an absolutely new life before me. Just because the immigration differs from tourism. But I open this door and feel happiness. 

I almost did not tell anyone about my plans: when, where, why. Only the closest people knew about it. And that people whom I asked for support. And I am grateful to them, to everyone, without exception, for their support; for faith in me. This also gave me a power, especially at that moments, when I  gave up, withdrew, didn't care. Because it is impossible not to believe in myself when others believed in me.

I’m very grateful to everyone who knew about my dream and told or wrote me necessary words of support. You even cannot imagine how much it helped me. Helped to do this step.

Hi there. My name is Jen, I’m 31 and I radically change my life.