#projectacceptance

I'm horrible at math. Literally just horrible. My brain is designed to understand abstract things better than concrete things, and so of course the most concrete subject is my worst one. I was awful at algebra and worse at geometry. But I scraped by with a 510 on my SAT and I assessed out of beginning algebra at community college at least. 

even at my most productive, i cannot work as efficiently as other members of my family. this means that at times i will have to work longer than they do in order to complete the same amount of work. even at my most efficient, i cannot devote all of my energy into any one thing. some part of me will always be somewhere else. i am incapable of shutting that part of me off. because of this i work well with other outside stimulants such as music or moderate amounts of texting while working. i am more versatile in this than the rest of my family, but cannot work as efficiently.

i need pretty frequent reassurance of affection. it doesn't always have to be a long gushing paragraph about my value, although those bring warmth to my soul. i need to be reminded that i am important to the people i care about and who care about me. without other people giving me positive input that i can trust i think my problem is that i create too much negative input on my own and then start to spiral downwards again. 

i am prone to random bursts of a heavy sadness that cause me to stop whatever i’m doing and stare off into space until it passes. during such times i often retreat into my bed under my covers clutching my tiny stuffed otter, and i may even be so disconnected from the world that i can’t even acknowledge anyone around me asking what’s wrong. there really isn’t anything to be done about this until it goes away on its own, bc i completely shut down and am basically incapable of any form of work. honestly if possible the best thing for me to do at that point would be to watch anime to keep myself distracted and grounded to something concrete until it lifts.