#prodigalsong

Glory and Gore by Lorde

“No-one round here's good at keeping their eyes closed The sun's starting to light up when we're walking home Tired little laughs, gold-lie promises: we'll always win at this I don't ever think about death It's alright if you do, it's fine We gladiate but I guess we're really fighting ourselves Roughing up our minds so we're ready when the kill time comes Wide awake in bed, words in my brain, "Secretly you love this do you even wanna go free?" Let me in the ring, I'll show you what that big word means“

Before my attempt I had been volunteering, helping women that had become homeless because of domestic violence like I had. I was building connections and experience with the hopes of helping domestic violence survivors for a living. I was gonna start school this spring

I was headed in the right direction until jeremi came back around for the hearing to fight the restraining order against him. And fuck, he has daddy's money setting him up with a lawyer and I have nothing and that framework i had set up for my life? It fell apart and i couldn't and still can't keep myself together. It's just constant fear and powerlessness. I wanted to die because I am afraid of him because he knows how to hurt me and does it in ways that make me look like the bad guy.

I am without the ability to claim a future for myself and am worthless without it. I should die but I don't have the physical ability to finish the job

The #whyididntreport tag on twitter is making me reflect on my own stupidity. A relationship that started with rape was never going to get better but my mind could not handle seeing it for what it was

This wasn't just some internet creeper soliciting ERP and spouting slurs

I was raped

Jeremi came for what I thought was just going to be a first time meeting in person and he raped me